Word of the year 2024

 Hi friends,

A belated Happy New Year to you all.  

I love the new start that the new year brings.  I know some people feel that winter is the worst time to begin a new habit, or break an old one, but for me it is the perfect time.  We are passed the shortest day, the evenings are beginning to get lighter, I have seen blossom in a hedgerow and a lamb in a field, it feels like spring is just around the corner, even on the bitterest of frosty days. Hope is in the air.

For many years now I have chosen a "word of the year" to inspire and motivate me, to give me a focus and to help me be more intentional in my goals, choices and with my time.  You may recall last years word was "Joyful"; and if you have been following my blog you might have read my monthly posts where I shared a monthly focus.  These monthly focuses really helped me make progress throughout the year and keep my "word of the year" in the forefront of my mind.  This year I have a new word and a new approach and I hope that me sharing about it here with you might encourage you to choose a "word of the year" for yourself, it's not too late!  It also might encourage you to head over to my Patreon where I recently shared a guide to choosing a "word of the year" for yourself as well as some artwork that you can print and display your "word of the year" on.  

So I am sure you're wondering what my word of the year is this year.  I had been thinking for a while before new years about this word and how it was something I really needed in my life.  It comes off the back of a joyful, but extremely busy and at times stressful year, as well as a year of being sucked more and more into social media based distractions.  I was especially inspired by a post I saw on Instagram by Ancestrally Rooted Mother encouraging us to rest.  

My instant reaction was to think "well how can I possibly do that when I am so busy all the time?"  and Emily very generously responded with this answer: 

Oh, this is a great question! And for me, the answer has been pretty multifaceted and somewhat hard to swallow. First, "the answer" will depend on what is going on in your life. I've had to get honest with myself about what I'm doing to be so busy and why I'm doing it. Sometimes we have things we are doing because we need to and sometimes those things make us busier than we want. But, I've gotten pretty ruthless about the extras. I have a garden and chickens -that's it. Also, I've been leaning more into the community I have available to me - the paid and unpaid. I'm making sacrifices in the things I want to do to make room for building community. We try to do too much alone. And I try to make the activities more restful. Rest doesn't have to equal idle. For me, that has meant getting off my smartphone. I only listen to podcasts occasionally vs all the time. As hard as it is, doing dishes and just doing dishes feels more restful than doing dishes while trying to shove more information in my brain. Lastly, sometimes all I can do is rest in knowledge of what should be. Some years I've had to work more and I've had to just be ok with that. I find the knowledge that I should be resting more restful. And helps me be gentler with myself when I can't keep up or just power through. 

Because of this response I chose REST as my "word of the year".  The mindset communicated by Emily in her reply helped me to form an attitude towards how REST can inform my year and has helped me think about how I can make it work in practical terms. 

I also have to give a shout out to my sister, who, when I told her I was going to be doing a "word of the year" workshop with my good friend Vicki to help me choose my word told me in no uncertain terms that it should be REST! 

For a home educating mother of four children who continues to pile more and more upon her plate you might be thinking that REST was a foolish word to choose for 2024, I am quite obviously a busy person, so what REST looks like for me might not be what REST looks like for other people.  

It might not, for example mean lots of sitting down.  It might not mean spending a lot of time alone or on self-care, and it certainly won't mean lots of long hot bubble baths!

Here is what REST has meant for me so far in 2024:

• Allowing my mind to rest when I breastfeed the baby by reading the Bible or a book  rather than scrolling social media,

• Being present and allowing my mind to rest and wander when cooking or going to the toilet rather than filling my mind with noise from podcasts and YouTube videos,

• Beginning my day in a restful way by preparing for the day and enjoying a book during breakfast rather than scrolling on social media the minute I wake up,

• Ending my day in a restful way at a decent hour and with a book rather than social media,

• Recognising that it is ok to just sit down and rest, I do not have to justify resting my body by trying to do something else whilst I sit down, or feeling like I only deserve a rest once I have completed a million and one tasks,

• Allowing my body to rest by stopping eating at 8pm so my body can have time to heal and repair by resting from digestion at night,

• Creating a restful, less stressful life by planning and organising my time and creating a meal plan so I am not having to live reactively all the time, which is stressful,

• Recognising that I don't have to do all-the-things and a rich and joyful life doesn't necessarily come from filling our time with activities,
• And most importantly, resting in the Lord by passing my burdens onto Him through prayer and remembering that I don't need to worry or stress about my life because he has it in hand. 

Resting in the Lord it the most important aspect of REST this year and I am remembering these Bible verses to encourage me on my journey of restfulness this year: 

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.  (Psalm 62:1-2)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.(Matthew 11:28-30)

I'm also informing my year by remembering that God thought rest was important by giving us a whole day on which to rest: "By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.  Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done." (Genesis 2:2-3) And in Exodus 20:8-10 the Bible tells us: "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy, Six days you shall labour and do all your work.  But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work." Also that His son Jesus sought rest.  If Jesus needed rest them how much more surely must we?

I really hope that by the end of this year I can look back and feel less stressed and worn out, that by practicing leaning into the Lord and searching out Him for spiritual rest, I will find myself refreshed, renewed and energised and that I have an attitude of restfulness rather than busyness. 

Friends, please tell me what your word of the year is for 2024, I'd love to hear. 

Let's go fly a kite

 This week we had one lovely, blustery day.  I took the boys up to the local playing field with a few kites and the intention to fly them.   After a rather dodgy start with one kite whose string frayed through and another that refused to fly at all, we finally got one up in the air and flying beautifully.  The boys eventually lost interest and went off to play in the playground whilst I continued to hold meditatively onto the handle of the kite, enjoying the sensation of the gentle tugging, the feeling of being connected to the wind high above me and the sight of the coloured kite swirling and twirling in the air like a party streamer.  I imagined the kite was trying to free itself from the tether of the string and fly free across the sky.

This idea got me thinking.  Am I like a kite that feels tethered and wants to be free?  What is tying me down and stopping me from swooping and flying?  It would be easy to imagine that when I committed my life to God as a Christian, to following Him only, I tethered myself like the kite.  Initially this thought felt awkward and restricting and I had to wrestle with it for a moment, but then came a divine flash of insight.  I imagined myself letting go of the kite to allow it to fly free, I imagined what would happen to that kite....

It would be blown chaotically across the sky, it would no longer hold its shape, it would swoop off in random directions, we wouldn't be able to see it's beautiful colours, the string would get tangled and wrapped around itself, it would likely get stuck in a tree or else drop to the floor still and lifeless, tumbling across the playing field like an abandoned crisp packet.  The kite was free, but was it able to show its best?  Could the kite live it's best life untethered?  I realised with clarity that no, it couldn't. 

For me in that moment this was very much an analogy of life with God. When we tether ourselves to God, it can appear like we are no longer free, like we are restricted, tied down, but in fact when we tether ourselves we can become the best version of ourselves possible.  With God holding the string our beautiful colours show, we can swoop and twirl in the wind in a beautiful and intentional display as the wind fills us and allows us to fly as high as possible, bold and bright against the sky, tail and ribbons dancing joyfully in the wind. This is not the chaos and collapse of life without a tether. What's more, with God we are protected, he keeps us safe from blowing away, we cannot get lost and are less likely to get stuck in a tree, he tucks us under his wing during a storm. Of course sometimes the wind drops and we flop, but we can always trust that God is holding us in the low times and if we do get tangled in branches, when we are tethered to God we can trust that he is going to climb that tree to us and get us down when we call for help. 

I am so thankful to live a life tethered to God, I am thankful that because I have asked him to, and invited him into my life, He has hold tight of me and won't let me go.  I am thankful that I can be my best self when I trust in His word and love and I am thankful that He is my protector in times of trouble, the one who is always there for me, whom I can always turn to, who shares in my joys and sadness and cares for me as a perfect father who cares for His child. The exquisite freedom that is granted when I am being tethered to God is far more beautiful, joyful and satisfying that any supposed freedom the world has to offer.  

But the amazing thing about God is that he doesn't force us to be tethered, he doesn't make us be held, he gives us ultimate freedom to choose to be tied to him or not.  And there is one thing that I am coming to learn, not just from flying kites but from understanding God and it is as Thomas Watson says: "To serve God, to love God, to enjoy God, is the sweetest freedom in the world."

Corona Virus days 1-3 Social Distancing

On Tuesday I received the message that our weekly Forest School was cancelled due to Government advice regarding Corona Virus.  I cried.  Not long after this every single other of my home ed groups were cancelled and we were faced with the prospect of having no activities or meets and not seeing any friends.  For a person who is pretty heavily reliant on chatting with friends for my mental health, this was very very bad news. I quickly broke my Instagram lent fast in an effort to avoid feeling totally isolated and jumped online to feel part of a community. 

We have managed to pass the time pretty well over the past three days, one visit to some woods, packed lunch included, a morning at a local nature park with playground and today was our first day where we could be considered isolated as we didn't go out. We spent the day reading books, the boys played, we did some art activities, and a I spent a lot of time telling the boys they would have to wait for their next meal before more food (seriously are they never full up?).

I am trying to find some brain space to reflect on what is happening, but it is challenging as the boys seem to be picking up on a vibration or energy in their air of panic, anxiety and fear, even though hubs and I are trying to remain calm and not panicked (though inside I am pretty stressed out and have an aching jaw from clenching my teeth all night and half the day) and are therefore absolutely bonkers!

However I have been able to stretch my brain just enough to arrive at the following observations:

• This whole thing would never have happened if people didn't eat animals,
• The UK is in a particularly difficult situation as of the end of the week when schools close because we have a very strong culture of two working parent families, both by force of finances and social pressure.  This means either one half of the workforce is forced to stay off from work, or children will be looked after by at risk grandparents. 
• We have a very strong individualistic culture, so people aren't automatically thinking of others by offering to do their neighbours shopping, or help generally.  Supermarket shelves are empty because people are over buying. I don't know who the people are who are buying more than they need (though I have my suspicions which I won't go into it here at risk of offending) but it most certainly isn't the large families like us, living in tiny houses as they do not have the storage space for stashing away hundreds of loo rolls and tins of baked beans. These people who are hoarding are selfish.  The same goes for the people who are continuing to visit pubs, restaurants and nightclubs etc.  These people are putting others at risk.  Now is not the time for Keep Calm and Carry On.  At times like this, the bravest and hardest thing to do might just be to stay home. 
• A couple of weeks ago before this who thing really got serious in the UK the MPs gushed on Question Time about how we were all going to pull together and look out for each other, the "spirit of the blitz" and all that.  There are glimmers of this but overall my feeling is that no one remembers what the spirit of the Blitz is, sacrificing your own wants for the needs of others is a lost concept to most people these days. Our parents have lived through a long period of relative prosperity, peace and financial security, so there is no genetic memory of having to band together, we have inherited an attitude of expecting everything to turn out just fine and when faced with the prospect of it not all being fine, people are turning inwards not outwards. 
• Maybe something good will come from this whole disaster, it is forcing some families to spend more time together, friends and family members are looking out for each other, there are neighbours sending notes round offering help, there are small cracks of light breaking through I have hope that there are still individuals out there who think of others.   I worry of course for those who are not able to get away from toxic or abusive family members, single working parents, those who have lost their job because of this and the myriad other people who are being so negatively effected by this. 
• The world will be different afterwards.
• I am incredibly thankful that I do not have to work, that my husband is able to work from home and that I feel safe an comfortable in my home. 

In my own small way I am trying to do something positive with this whole thing.  I am not in a position to be able to look after anyone's children, visit the elderly, do supermarket runs etc because  we are having to pretty much isolate ourselves because of some health conditions in my family which puts them at risk, but I am sharing poetry on Instagram and will be sharing a few of the activities we are doing to pass the time which I hope might inspire others and put some beauty into the world

I intend on updating this journal every few days, sharing how we are managing, the problems we encounter and tricks and tips on mentally and emotionally surviving this. 

If you're interested in supporting me with my writing and art I'd love it if you visited my page on patreon where you can read more of my thoughts, musings, ideas and art. 

Welcoming in the Autumn

I do so love this time of year, it's not so hot so as to leave you sweaty and puffing and yet there isn't quite the chill in the air to force you to grab for a coat and woolly scarf. But more so than enjoying the pleasure of going out in a cardigan is the beautiful autumn light which, on a sunny day gives you that warm feeling inside as it lights up the cobwebs and brings a glow to rose hips and elderberries.  It makes everything look warm and like a memory, like a photograph that you wish you could hold in your hand and keep forever.

We have been fully embracing the season, soaking in the fading rays of sun with beautiful Autumnal walks, seasonal food and Autumn crafts.  The river and the woods have been calling us and we've been collecting seeds and berries, opening and closing locks, pushing swing bridges, riding canal boats, picking apples and throwing sticks to knock pears from the tree! And we still have conkers and sweet chestnuts, harvest festival and Michaelmas to come.  It's bittersweet though because I know it will all too soon come to an end and we will be plunged into the depths of winter where sleet and wind will make us far more hesitant to leave the house for fresh air and exercise.  I am sure one day I will be able to enjoy cosy afternoons by the fire enjoying a puzzle with one of my sons.  But right now charging about, wrestling and generally causing mayhem with sword sticks and guns is the order of the day, sedate and genteel afternoons with three wild boys are a thing of a fantasy of my own making at the moment!

Today we enjoyed a delicious ploughman's lunch with sourdough bread purchased from Borough Market, some delicious vegan cheddar-onion cheese, Autumn chutney made by my mother-in-law and a crisp apple from our own tree.  We accompanied this with a side salad including lettuce from out garden and we really felt like we were enjoying the fruits of our labour!

So yes, we are enjoying this season of mist and mellow fruitfulness, but life goes on with the challenges of trying to raise 3 boys to become good, kind, Godly men and as I watch the leaves of the trees quickly change from green to yellow and brown before my eyes I am reminded of how quickly this season of life with little children passes. And just as I savour the sharp tang of cheese and chutney, the sweet, crispness of the apple and the delightful pleasure of being able to go out in just a cardigan, I am trying my best to savour the moments of pleasure with the little ones. Their playful imagination, their elaborate fantasy role plays, their den building and their sweet sleeping faces.  I know these things won't last forever (well maybe the sweet sleeping faces) and I can feel the time slipping away, I just want to savour it all.  Bittersweet. Autumn and childhood, just let me inhale, touch, savour and remember it all.  I'll see the Autumn again, but once these little ones are grown and fly the nest I will just have the memories and the photographs left, so I pray, let me remember and let me make the most of it.

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What I learned when I quit social media

The first day I was constantly picking up my phone then putting it down again, the
habit of looking at my phone was so strong it was like an impulse.

I had decided to give up social media for lent.  Facebook and Instagram were my main vices, they had become a distraction from my children, from my husband, from housework, from life.

I soon overcame my impulse to constantly check my phone, but it wasn't really until lent was over that I began to realise the benefits of avoiding it, and the real negatives of engaging with it.

During my fast the many benefits of not being on social media became abundantly clear.  I was more available for my family, less distracted and the awful image of the mother with her face glued to her phone was gone.  I am not perfect so I did replace the phone with books, but how much more inspiring is it for my children to see their mother distracted, or otherwise engaged with a book than it is a phone!? I was less stressed as I wasn't getting caught up in petty arguments and I was cut off from my main news source, (I even watched the actual news a couple of times during my fast as I had no idea what was going on in the world!) so my anxiety about world issues was massively reduced, and because my mind wasn't overwhelmed by the plight of people and environment in far flung places I felt more available to help with the everyday plights of my children, husband, friends and home, my circle of influence.  I had more emotional energy for them as I wasn't wasting any on things that I couldn't have any impact on.

Not being on social media freed up my time as I wasn't wasting it staring at the screen at mindless junk.  I was tidying the house, I was batch cooking meals, I was changing bed sheets, I was gardening and I had more time for reading books. Time scrolling facebook during evening breastfeeds with my two year old were spent pinning exciting things on Pinterest (though be warned, Pinterest can be a rabbit hole, so I know now I have to stay on topic.  One minute I am looking at ideas for sensory play for two year old's, and the next I am reading about how the world is flat and the queen is a lizard (I kid you not!).)  My FOMO (fear of missing out) was unfounded, I didn't miss out on anything at all, my friends relayed events to me that they thought would be interesting and I got plenty of information from my friends on messenger and through emails.

So I bet you think I have stuck with not going on Facebook of Instagram since Easter?  Well you'd be sadly mistaken. Over the last few weeks I have re-immersed myself fully in social media.  I have very quickly fallen back into my old habits of constantly looking and checking my phone.  My husband has noticed I am distracted and I am sure my children have too. My children now see me on my phone as an everyday occurrence, the phone as an extension of my hand. I desperately don't want them to think that having a phone in your hand to stare at is a normal thing, and something they will do.

From the first moment I began scrolling through Facebook I was seeing posts that caused me anxiety, at least 5 posts unnerved, angered or otherwise bothered me in the first five minutes of scrolling
And this has continued ever since. It is terrible, I have slipped back into old habits so quickly, once I pick up my phone and start scrolling I find it extremely difficult to stop, I get into arguments with people I don't even know and get frustrated with trying to reason with idiots! Why do I do this to myself?

So I want to say right now that I am giving up Facebook and Instagram for good.  But I can't.  Let me tell you why.

Facebook and Instagram give me a voice, or at the very least make my feel like I have a voice which reaches further out into the world than to the friends and family I see on a weekly basis.  I feel like I can have an impact on the lives of others through what I share online. I enjoy feeling like I can bring joy, comfort and encouragement to others, that I can make people think, stretch people out of their comfort zones and have my own thoughts challenged and discussed. I missed feeling like I was part of a wider world when I was fasting from social media.  I also use Facebook for practical purposes, I document our home education journey with my family in a private group.

So now I need to work on getting a balance.  I need to work on self-control and stopping myself from mindless scrolling. I need to work on sharing stuff that I am passionate about and that adds something good to the world and my life and not clicking on and reading drivel. So from here on in I am expecting to spend less time mindlessly scrolling my home page, engaging with click bait articles and arguing with strangers about stuff I can't control or change.  I will be focusing on my circle of influence, so expect posts on the environment, veganism, home education, mothering, positive parenting and breastfeeding and more, and also just general feel good, or thought-provoking posts to those who know me or have some sort of real connection to me outside of the screen.

I hope I can maintain the will power and self-control to stick to this plan, I think it is worth it as I now know how much better it is to be living in the real world and not stuck to my screen.  Why  not join me and see how reducing your social media engagement can change your life.

Distraction Vs Immersion

Well hello 2018, we didn't get off on the right foot did we.  Let's start again!

Let me explain; The house of mama began this year with a two night stay in the high dependency unit of our local hospital for our four year old, beginning on New Years eve 2017 (which I spent alone, cleaning the oven).  It was an incredibly worrying, upsetting and stressful time and I am unspeakably glad it's over.

It was most certainly not the start to the year I had in mind. My plans were for an evening of relaxing, drinking some rose with my husband, and watching Jools Holland.  Followed by a weeks of sorting and tidying the house, clearing out junk, planning our home ed year and filling in my shining life workbook (which is actually just a notebook where I am answering the questions from last years workbook because #onabudget).  The reality was quite different and something I'd sooner forget.  Therefore New Year has officially started this week for me and was precursed by a wonderful "Word of The Year" Workshop run by my lovely friend Vicki from vickiclubleymoore.com.

I've been choosing a word of the year for about five years now, but it's only really properly informed my year since I began the Shining Life programme by Leonie Dawson, because with her workbook I was able to delve deeper into the hows and whys or word-of-the-year.  This will be my third year. I have found it a really useful and inspiring tool to help me focus on how I want my year to unfold, how I want to feel and what I want my year to look like.

When I looked back over the past year I realised I felt like it had gone really really quickly and I had blinked one to many times and missed it.  I feel like the past year has been filled with distraction.  I have constantly distracted myself from real life by looking on social media, rading books or simply hiding away in the kitchen, at every possible moment.  And I don't want to look back over my year, over my life; and think that I wasted it all on Facebook.

I really felt like I wanted next year to be a year of being present, living more in the moment and really immersing myself in life.  Home ed life, home life, family life, spiritual life...  I wanted to feel like I am fully experiencing everything the year has to bring; to touch, taste, smell, hear and feel absolutely everything, so I end the year full of wonderful memories.

For these reasons and more that I won't bore you with I have chosen the word IMMERSE for my word of the year.

(My rather crinkles word-of-the-year art that I did at Vicki's workshop!)

I want to be fully immersed in life in 2018 not distracted from it.

It will be interesting to see how the year goes because right now it feels a bit like wading through mud.  I haven't shaken the feelings of sadness surrounding my little boy's awful hospital stay and I am struggling to find my rhythm. It's difficult as a full time, home educating mama to feel any sense of beginning and end, any sense of a task completed, of a job well done because everything is a constant cycle and I am almost always wanted and needed for the next task.  From laundry to cooking meals to ferrying children to different places and trying to squeeze in house work, my life is not my own at the moment and nothing feels like it's going my way.  Right now my immersion feels more like drowning than the involvement and engrossment I had in mind.

According the Thesaurus.com the antonym to Immersion is Surrender.  This feels particularly poignant at the moment.  Surrendering to life as I know it is all I can do right now.  I have the choice to either surrender to the messy, chaotic majesty of this wonderful life or I can try to fight it and end up drowning, because no amount of fighting or running away is going to change things.  I can only surrender and get on with it. But one thing is for sure, I won't be distracting myself from it any longer because I don't want to miss it.  As hard as it is someday (everyday at the moment) this is my one glorious, cluttered, manic life and I'm diving right in.

Revelations en France

Yesterday I returned from a week’s holiday in France with my husband and our boys.  There are many things that are really great about going on holiday, here are a few:

Having my husband to help me.  My poor hubby works in London so has a long commute to work and back every day, I am thankful that he is around in the evenings and at weekends and am well aware that many mothers don’t even have this, but to have him there 24/7 to help is really great.  (I also quite like him, you know, so it's nice having him around!)

Having only a few possessions with us.  I love this part of being on holiday, it always reminds me of how little I need to get by, be happy, have a good time.  I took a few luxuries with me like my Kindle for reading, my laptop so I could catch up on some writing, my journal, a hair dryer, that sort of thing, but not having to look around my house thinking about everything that needs doing, and not having so much stuff to tidy away daily provides such a break and a rest.

A change of scenery.  Being in a different place is great because you get to see different sights every day, being at home, although we get out and about a lot, it is often to the same places week in and week out, and seeing different types of buildings and streets, flora and fauna is really exciting.

Being more relaxed about what we eat.  We usually eat pretty healthily and I make about 80% of our meals from scratch but on holiday I excuse myself from this (although I like to eat healthy food, I do not particularly enjoy cooking it) and use frozen and easy to cook food when we are on holiday.

Sitting in the car.  As sad as It sounds this is probably one of my favourite things about being on holiday, we travel by car to visit different places, usually by the scenic route to enjoy the views and I get to read my book, the babies sleep and I can enjoy looking out of the window at the different sights, I find this most relaxing.

Enjoying my children more.  Although I am with them all week, they are often off playing in playgrounds, playing with friends in their bedrooms or taking part in activities, but on holiday there is a much more intensive closeness because we are doing things for them and with them.  So for example walking round a museum requires much more of our attention in stopping them running off/climbing on the exhibits/getting they to focus on something and we therefore get to experience them more.  I realise I am not selling this so far, it is hard work, but the things they come out with that I might otherwise miss, or might not be said are brilliant, (Biscuit said one evening “When I am older I am going to get a motorbike, then I will be the best man in the world, like Jesus!”) seeing them achieve new things (Boris went down the water slide in the swimming pool for the first time, he was really brave, he was scared, I could see by his face, but he did it anyway and I felt so proud) and watching them play together is priceless.  We also didn’t have TV or internet connection so were far less distracted than we would be normally.

HOWEVER

I am sooo glad to be home.  Begin away makes you realise the things you miss doesn’t it, and it’s make me immensely thankful for some things that I haven’t really considered before. Here are some things I am newly thankful for:

Speaking English as a first language.  How lucky am I that I speak English??  It’s spoken in so many places around the world, and although I do make attempts to speak the language of the countries I am lucky enough to visit, I am not great at it and we can often ask “parlez vous Anglais?” and continue an otherwise disjointed and confused conversation in my native tongue.

Being born in the UK.  I am so thankful for being born in the UK, it has given me so many opportunities that people from other countries might not have had, we are so lucky to live in the UK with so much freedom and relative safety.  Also being able to speak the language of the people who are native to the country is so wonderful and I have renewed sympathy for people who have moved here and are not yet able to speak the language.

Access to lots of delicious vegan food. The French are great at food, but they aren’t great at vegan food!! And by vegan food I am talking about processed food because the fruits vegetables here are really great, fresh, tasty, huge variety, seasonal and without all the packaging you are encumbered with in the UK.  However if you are after a Linda McCartney sausage, and tin of baked beans, a carton of oat milk or some dairy free cheese you will be out of luck.   There is a growing variety of convenient vegan food in the UK which is so liberating and exciting.

Having a sofa to sit on.  We have spent this week in a static caravan and there is no sofa, just a bench round a table with a soft-ish pad of it.  I miss my sofa, it’s big and squashy and soft and fluffy and I love it and I am so happy to be back snuggled up on it with a big cup of tea (only small cups here, sad times). I realise that being able to afford a holiday at all is the height of luxury relatively speaking so I am well aware how ungrateful it sounds to be complaining about a lack of sofa, but you know #firstworldproblems.

So yeah, we had a great time, but I really am glad to be home. Now where’s my cup of tea?

We got caught in a downpour one day, Boris gave me two giant leaves to cover myself and Nut!

Men do it better

Not often you would hear me say that a man could do something better than a woman, I don't mean this is any competitive sense, there are plenty of things that my husband is better at than me - changing the car engine oil, map reading, anything related to numbers,  but we all know that women generally can do all these things as well as men.  But there is this one thing that I think men trump us women on.  I am not exactly sure what it is called, maybe it's self-care, or getting me-time, or time for themselves.  Whatever you want to call it, men seem to be able to get it, and get it without feeling guilty about it.

Let me give you some examples.
My husband recently bought himself a new exhaust for his car.  (This in itself is an example of him not feeling bad about putting his interests as a priority.  His car is his hobby and he was happy to  spend a not insignificant amount of money on it.  I on the other hand have not felt able to spend an equal amount of money on the Leonie Dawson Academy that I have been thinking about joining for months because it feels self-indulgent, not a priority, even though it could potentially benefit the whole family.) When the exhaust arrived he decided he would spend a Saturday morning fitting it.  He didn't ask me if that was ok, if I minded looking after the boys while he did it (I didn't mind) He just did it.  It was something he wanted to do, something he enjoyed doing so he just did it.  I never for a second thought he was being selfish or self-indulgent in doing this.

Me on the other hand, when I wanted to spend a couple of hours making some art (for my business) I felt like I had to gravel and grovel with my begging bowl to him to ask for a couple of hours to myself, feeling immensely guilty for even asking.  Not because he would have had any objection but because of my own personal feelings on it. Why?

Here is another example a friend of mine's husband loves mountain biking, he regularly goes to mountain biking events and even takes days of annual leave from work to go and do his hobby.  Does he feel guilty about it?  Does he feel like he is being self indulgent?  I doubt it, because he knows that taking time for himself and his interests is important.
Why don't I feel like this when needing a few hours to myself, when he had no qualms what so ever?

A final third example, we were going on a walk round a lake near us recently and got chatting to a man who was stood with his friend who had stayed over night at the lake in a tent to do his hobby - fishing. We were asking his friend questions about the competitions his friend takes part in and what he was hoping to catch that day.  The man amused us for a while, answering our questions but then confessed that the real reason his friend was camping over and spending the day fishing was to get away from it all and have some time to himself.  I couldn't help thinking that this man had the right idea. But still for me to do something like; going away for a night by myself to do something I enjoy that would not only take a great amount of courage and decisiveness, but also a shed load of guilt. WHY??

I have really been puzzling over the answer to this, I am not sure I am there yet, maybe it's because historically us women have traditionally been the ones to look after the house and children whilst the men go to work and didn't take part much in the child rearing and house keeping and this feeling of responsibility has been hard to shake over the years.  Like some sort of ancient garment we insist on carrying around on our shoulders, or perhaps that society still places on our shoulders; we just haven't been able to shed this relic.

Maybe men are just better at fulfilling those needs than we are.  Maybe through some sort of masochism we insist on pushing and pushing ourselves without taking a break or a rest to prove something to ourselves, our partners, society?  We CAN do it all we insist, and we can do it without a break.  Whereas men don't feel the need to prove themselves in this way because they already receive the recognition through their paid employment.  (Which leads me to wonder if women who are in paid employment as opposed to unpaid (as in the full-time-mother- role) also feel guilty when taking time to themselves or if they are able to acknowledge it as a necessity not a luxury?)  I am thinking out loud now, and possibly rambling a bit.

I am sure there is plenty of studies out there which have asked these same questions, all that I can say with absolute certainty is that we NEED to take time to ourselves, it's absolutely essential, parenting is highly intense work.  And just to clarify I don't think it is the fault of men that we sometimes feel guilty in taking time to ourselves, I think it is something we ourselves need to take responsibility for.  I still haven't worked out how to do this without the guilt, so it anyone has the answer I would welcome it with open arms.  It's something I need to make more of a priority in the coming weeks with the impending birth of our third child, but I am sure some of you will agree with me that's it's really hard to do.

I do have planned another Gentle Parenting Retreat on 22nd of May for this exact reason, so please get in touch if you are interested.

Why and How we decided against Pre-School

Original painting available in my shop 15 x 18" mixed media on canvas

About a week ago the final day passed where I could have booked Boris into a place in a pre-school.  It would only have been for one term, but it was our last chance.

We have ummd and ahhhd about it for over a year and really in the end it wasn't so much making a decision that got us to where we are now, but lack of being able to make a decision. However, on reflection I know that deep down I knew what I really wanted to do, but was afraid and lacked validation.  It's really hard to make a decision which is the opposite of almost everyone you know, especially when they are singing the praises of the choice they made.  This is bound to happen because obviously people want to feel good about their choices, but it makes it hard to get a balanced view in order to make an informed decision.

So I have decided to sum up my feelings about the decision not to send him in a little  actually-quite-long post that might help others decide but mainly just helps me to confirm my thoughts about it and to clarify the reasons in my own mind.

1. Being a parent is hard, I often complain tell people how hard I am finding things, that's healthy right?  Often people's response has been to put Boris into pre-school, they see I am struggling and they think that's the perfect answer, the load would be lightened, I would get a bit more time to myself (sort of although still looking after Biscuit), it would make things easier when the new baby arrives, but I realised that I don't need Boris to be away from me for 15 hours a week, or even 5 hours a week, I just need an hour or so here and there and actually I need an hour or so here and there away from both of them, not just Boris, time to myself, time of peace and quiet, time to sort the house and time to attend to my creativity.  Time away from just one of them doesn't help me all that much because I still have to look after the other and in many ways they are easier together because they have company and someone to play with.

2. There isn't anything a pre-school can offer Boris that I can't offer him myself at home and through the home ed groups we already attend. In terms of education we look at numbers and letters, I am familiar with what's included in the Foundation Stage Profile and Boris and I are talking ALL THE TIME, he asks a ton of questions and I answer them, or we look up the answer.  We socialise with other children and adults of all different ages.  We could socialise every day if we wanted to, but usually its three or four times a week, sometimes in groups, sometimes with individuals.

3. Part of the role of pre-school is to prepare children for school.  We don't need to prepare him for school because we are planning on home educating, so there is no need for him to be ready to do many of the things that school education requires such as some aspects of self care, conflict resolution, being able to sit still for long periods of time, being able to function well in large groups of children of the same age, that sort of thing.  Not that these things are bad, but they are just not things he needs to be able to do right now and they are things I believe he will be able to do given time and space in the future.

4. I wasn't able to find a pre school with a place available that didn't use rewards and punishments to manipulate behavior and what I mean by this is, all but one of the pre-schools I looked at use "time outs" (naughty chair) or a version there of as punishment for undesirable behavior.  This is totally against our parenting philosophy so I see no reason to introduce it in a pre-school setting.  It is the way most schools operate so it makes sense for children who will be attending school to be able to function well within a system that works like this, but seeing as Boris won't be attending school, there is no need.

5. I worry about Boris feeling under pressure to fulfill the Foundation Stage Profile markers.  They are mainly about school readiness,  and I would be so sad for him to be switched off to reading, writing or maths in later life because he felt under any pressure to perform at it at age 4 because of the pressure that childcare providers are under for the children who attend their centers to fulfill the criteria.

6.  I realised that it was what I wanted subconsciously.  Whenever I looked at posts on Facebook about pre-school, I realised I was scanning through the responses looking for people who had not sent their child to pre-school or had taken them out.  I wanted to validate my choice by hearing other parent's stories.  I desperately wanted to hear about other people making the same choice that I wanted to make.  You may wonder why I felt I needed validation from others on such a decision when I find it so easy to go against the norm in so many other areas of my life, but I think it's because this is the one thing (not just pre-school but home-ed generally) which will really make us different as a family.  Most of the choices we have made so far have been health related, either physical health or mental health, breastfeeding, co-sleeping, baby wearing, gentle parenting etc, but home educating will really make our lifestyles different to other people's.  It's much easier to get validation on home education but less so on pre-school because a surprisingly large amount of people who home educate do send their children to pre-school.

7. We asked Boris what he wanted.  Now this was a tricky one because the poor boy didn't know what on earth we were talking about.  As far as he knew pre-school was a playground (we often walk past pre-schools on our way to places so he sees the outside play area),  which he naturally thought was great. But we talked to him about how he would be away from mummy and Biscuit and that he would have to go there on the set days and all the other things about pre-school which don't involve him getting to play outside in the playground and he decided that he would rather stay with mummy. It's a really difficult thing to do, talking about the negative side of child care, most parents are telling their children how great it will be and how much they will love it, and I was doing the total opposite.

In coming to this decision it has really helped me to talk to people who have taken their children out of childcare settings and understanding the reasons why.  I think a lot of people find it difficult to talk about because they don't want to cause offence to other parents who still send their children to pre-school who might feel like they are being criticized for their choice. It is, of course no criticism of their choice.  Every family is different and has to do what is right for them. But it can be very difficult to know what is right for your family when there is so much pressure from others to make one particular choice.  Family, who are influenced by the media and government pressure for mothers to go back to work and the benefits of pre-school, think they are being helpful in suggesting pre-school as it would give you a break and help your child to "socialise" or whatever. Friends who send their child to pre-school will naturally want to validate their choice by telling you how great it is, and if they have any mixed feelings about their choice it will make them feel better about it if you do the same; and the Government are putting huge pressure on families to send their children to pre-school so that parents can get back into work (and give them more of their hard earned wages through taxes).  So to find people who are making the same choice you think you want to can be extremely helpful in giving you a balanced view in order to make an informed choice.

So there we have it, no pressure to get up in the morning to get Boris to pre-school on time, no "settling in time", no wondering if Boris' needs are being met or if he has been left on the naughty spot.  We are going to be together as a family, starting as we mean to go on.

Learning and Listening

I have been learning loads and feeling very creative these last few weeks.  I am feeling like I am much more able to focus on my goals and what I want to achieve.  It feels good.

I have read and watched a few inspiring books and videos recently that have really helped.  Especially with my focus. Just little things from each of them pop into my head every now and again and remind me where my focus needs to be. For example I used to get this feeling whenever I saw some crafty item or arty thing where I would think "ooh I could make that, that would be a real money spinner" and I would start to think about making that thing myself and selling it in my Etsy shop.  Sometimes I would get as far as buying materials and making one of them.  Then my motivation and energy for the idea would fizzle out and I would lose interest and move onto the next money making idea. This would happen again and again, and I would even get jealous of other people succeeding at projects that I "could" do, but wasn't.  I would end up feeling fed up and just do nothing.

Through reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert I realised that I need to focus on doing the thing I really love rather than trying to do things that will make money. Because, firstly, those things probably wouldn't ever make me money any way because my heart wouldn't really be in them (and people would see that) and secondly because although I might not ever make money doing what I love, at least I can die a happy woman knowing I squeezed every drop of my passion from me into something I love.  So whenever I get that silly feeling like "Oh I could make tea cup candles or doily lamp shades or scrabble tile art,"  I stop and think to myself  "Helen, let someone else do those, you can't do everything.  You love painting, that's what your heart is calling you to do.  Do that"  And I feel much better.

Holy Humming Bird

I recently watched a TED Talk video on You Tube about how you attract buyers, not by WHAT you sell but by WHY you are selling it. I found it really helpful and inspiring, a strong reminder that people aren't just interested in my art, but they are interested in me and what motivates me, what inspires me, what calls to my soul.

I am currently taking the Kelly Rae Roberts Flying Lessons Ecourse which reinforces this message.  I have been following Artist Kelly Rae Roberts for years (since 2009 in fact) and have really enjoyed watching her journey unfold.  She produced this ecourse back in 2012 I think so I have known about it for a while, but it wasn't until recently that I was ready to invest in myself and take the course.  (Leonie Dawson says you get $10 back for every dollar you invest in yourself)   It's really exciting and has helped me massively with my focus and how to run a creative business. She talks a lot about being yourself and letting people see the real YOU.  So I am working on this and making it more of a focus for my blog.

As for my art, well I can't get enough time for it!! I just want to do it all the time now and am really enjoying working in water colour, which isn't a medium I used that much in the past. It's a wonderful feeling to finally be developing my own ideas in a natural, organic way.

Of course I am faced with the daily challenge of balancing parenting my two gorgeous boys with this strong desire to create, I desperately want to me the "perfect" parent and do everything right, but I am learning to let go a little, to realise that I can't ever be (no one is) perfect, but managing the guilt is hard, always feeling like I fall short is hard.  But I know I can't ignore the whispers of my heart to create these paintings or else a part of me dies, and a half dead mother is no good to anyone.

I don't know where all this is going to take me, all this muddling through parenting and snatching minutes here and there to paint, I am hoping eventually I will be able to sell something! (Maybe one day I can even bring in an income through it.  Shhhh don't say that too loud, I don't want to scare the idea off)  But at the moment it's bringing me joy, and for now that's enough.

Much needed holiday

We went for a much needed weekend away last weekend.  I was desperate to get away for a weekend before this baby arrives and there are so many things going on over the next few months and we wanted to avoid Easter holiday so I took the plunge and booked up a holiday for us all at a place called Bosinver Farm near St Austell in Cornwall.

It was gorgeous and great for families, we could have spent the whole weekend on the farm if we wanted to, there was so much to do.  The cottage was so stylish, all the furniture was really good quality, it felt like a real luxurious treat.

I was deeply glad of the rest, of being able to get away from the "shoulds":  "I should be doing the laundry, I should be doing the dishes, I should be hoovering, I should be getting dinner ready, I should, I should, I should..."  Do you ever feel like that?  But away from our home there was nothing that needed doing so I got to have a good sit down, just enjoying things like drinking my tea and looking at the view, meditating, making a conscious effort to relax my body into the chair and doing bits of the Kelly Rae Roberts E Course that I recently signed up for.

I also read an entire book, albeit a short one!  The War of Art by Steven Pressfield! Go me!

We visited a friend who lives nearby and met her lovely new baby at Trebah Gardens, and went to the Eden project, (poor show on the "breastfeeding room" Eden Project, disappointed) although I wasn't so fussed about filling our days with activities so we took a very laid back approach to getting out and about.

Time away is always good for reflecting.  I am having some issues with my faith at the moment so had a bit of chance for prayer and thinking about that.  I have always identified myself as a Christian but recently been having some problems with some aspects of the faith and my feelings about it, lots of guilt and fear, so I am having to explore my spirituality at bit, looking for the truth, trying to be open to messages from God and guidance, so some time away from normal day to day life helped a little bit with this.  Still lots of exploring to do though.

I am hoping to have more focus on my art business in the next few weeks, as well as booking up another Gentle Parenting Retreat. Exciting times ahead, and feeling really good pregnancy wise, got lots of energy, though starting to feel uncomfortable at night. I am wanting to pack as much in as I can before this baby arrives. It's ironic that I am feeling the most creative I have in a long time yet have the least amount of time to use the creativity and motivation. It's a challenge and I am still battling my own inability to focus on the task at hand and not be distracted by things like Facebook.  But I feel like things are getting better,  I feel like I am starting to Thrive.  Perhaps it's like spring for me, just as the new shoots are starting to come through the ground my own creative shoots are starting to reach through.  It definitely feels like a time of growth and transformation.  

Happy New Year!

Well what a year 2015 was.  Unlike some of my friends I can't honestly say it was an amazing year. My word of the year last year was "Enjoy"  and 2015 did have it's moments of joy, our holiday in France, camping with best friends, seeing S Club 7, and I nurtured some wonderful friendships, but my general feeling of the year was that I just about made it through by the skin of my teeth with my sanity more or less in tact.

I was basically treading water for the whole of the year, just keeping my head above the surface, just surviving.  Nothing much happened on the Home Education front, almost nothing happened with my creative biz, and my diet and self care have been pretty appalling.  It is with this in mind that I have decided on my word of 2015:

I want the coming year to be a year of growth and development, with my biz, with my spiritual life, with my home life, I want to feel like I am thriving not just surviving. Moving forwards rather that just treading water.

So I am hoping for an exciting year next year, I have lots of plans in mind for my creative biz and lots of intentions for being more organised and planning things better.  I have been using my Shining Life books to set my goals and intentions and plan how I will get them done.

If you want to join me on this exciting journey and make 2016 your best year yet, get on board with the Shining Life programme, If you click on this link Leonie Dawson, who designed the Shining Life Programme gives me some thankyou money!


I have already started updating my Etsy shop with new items, this gorgeous vase:

and this painting:

(More paintings to come I hope.)

We are throwing another little thing into the mix as of sometime between the end of May and the beginning of June next year.  All being well another little life will be blessing our family, it's certainly going to be  busy year, but I am optimistic and excited.

I opt out

I used to pride myself of being reasonably knowledgeable regarding current events.  I enjoyed listening to radio 4 and would watch the news in the evening.  If something big was happening I might even watch a news channel for an hour or so to keep up-to-date with what was happening.

However in the past few weeks it has become apparent to me that this practice is damaging a part of my soul.  Only bad news is reported on the TV and radio, only what is sensational, and it is becoming harder and harder to listen to.  Particularly recently with the news about the Paris attacks, the refugees in Calais, the bombing of Syria and another mass shooting in America, I have engaged emotionally with these topics and spent time weeping at the telly, having that horrible feeling of compassion in watching a terrible situation and wanting to help but not really being able to do anything about it.

Other items in the news just make me angry, politician's behavior, they way money is distributed, the way the media spread damaging misinformation, the way the environmental issues are marginalized, I could go on. It's all bad, bad, bad.

I used to engage with the sad situations, and the infuriating situations, by feeling sad, crying, getting passionate, getting angry, I might sign a petition or two, write a letter to an MP, moan to friends and spend time thinking about it.

In some strange way I felt like if I felt sad for people, if I felt empathy for them, I would somehow be helping them by acknowledging how bad their situation was.

But I realise now that I am not helping them at all by feeling sad.  All I can do is what I can here, where I am.  I am not in a position to travel to other countries and physically help other people, nor am I in a position to be able to donate any significant amounts of money.  But what I can do is make small changes to my little world right here.

I recently read an essay by Thomas Moore from a book called the The Soul of Nature, the essay is called Ecology:Sacred Homemaking,  It talks about how important it is for us humans to have a sense of home and how if we have a strong sense of attachment to a place of "home" we can extend that feeling beyond the walls of our house into the rest of the world.  It says:

          "Once we have the imagination that sees home in such a profound and far-reaching sense,                    protection of the environment will follow, for ecology is a state of mind, an attitude, and a                  posture that begins at the very place you find yourself this minute, and extends to places you              will never see in your lifetime.  The description of divinity ascribed to the mythological                      magnus Hermes Trismegistus and repeated by Neo-Platonists down the centuries applies to                  our view of ecology: "God is a sphere whose center is everywhere, and whose circumference              is nowhere."  The object of our ecological concern is nothing less than that sphere, and yet it is            felt as the most intimate enclosure and embrace."

The message I got from the essay was that if we create a sense of home (which is something we love and care for), close to us then that automatically extends into the world through our consciousness.
Although this is referring more to environmental concerns I feel it extends to issues such as peace as well.

Mother Teresa said:

               "What can you do to promote world peace? Go home and love your family."

To me this is so profound and meaningful because it is something that I CAN do, and feelings of helplessness with the state of the world dissipate when I focus on what is close by and achievable.  Why would I want to poison myself with the negativity that is happening in the world that I am out of control of when I can focus on the positive changes I can make in the environment and with the people around me?

So I am opting out of watching the news, the soul destroying, emotionally disabling, rotten, horrid news.  And focusing on things I can do, just like Theodoor Roosevelt said:

                               "Do what you can, with what you have, where you are."

It's not about burying my head in the sand and pretending bad things aren't happening, I know bad things are happening and will always happen, it's about self protection, self preservation, I can't be a positive influence in the world if I am feeling miserable and desperate and negative all the time because of what is going on.

A water colour painting I did in the wee hours of this morning.

So here's to positivity and doing what you can, I CAN heal the world, but it starts at home.

Gratitude

Sometimes I get a bit down in the dumps.  I feel like I am losing my way with the boys, shouting, getting frustrated and impatient all the time. I feel like the house is always a mess and the boys seem to leave a trail of destruction in their wake.  I turn my back for what seems like 30 seconds and when I look again a whole roll of toilet paper has been unrolled, all the shoes have been taken off the rack, all the books off the bookshelf and there is a pile of sand on the living room floor!  Is this a habit particular to my children? Or maybe it's because they are boys?  Or maybe it's my fault for leaving a roll of toilet paper within reach?  Whatever the reason, it is easy to get bogged down with the frustrations of day to day life as a full time mama and forget to capture the beautiful and precious moments and the sparks of joy.  Sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees, everything seems like such an effort and a bother and there never seems to be enough time for anything, I am always chasing my tail trying to catch up.

I am the sort of person who does a lot of soul searching from time to time and I was having a moment recently, thinking about regrets and opportunities missed, not a good path to go down I know, but it got me thinking that one of the reasons I feel like I don't make the most of life at any given point is that I am always looking for the next thing, the next stage.  I am thinking "things will be better when..." or "when such-and-such happens, they I can be truly happy" or "I will be an amazing mum when...",  I never seem to be able to value just being here. 

But here is where I am, and now with the power of hindsight, the sadness and regret that comes with the memory of missed opportunities, I know that I need to grab here and live it and love it.  I only get here once and with the passage of time visible in front of me in the living and ever changing form of my children, I am even more acutely aware of how much I must appreciate there here and now.

I remember thinking years ago how much I wanted so badly to be a full time mum, that it was all I ever wanted, that life would be complete once I was one and that it was what I had always meant to do.  I read a quote or a phrase or something recently about how you already have the things you wished for yesterday (something to do with the law of attraction or something) and it hit me like a big piano dropping out of a third storey window.  I am living the dream I had all those years ago.  What an idiot I am for not even noticing and appreciating this fact!

A few days ago I read an article about a woman who was paralysed from the neck down after a skiing accident.  These sorts of stories don't usually affect me, I am a strong believer in all things being relative, but this time it really did affect me.  I just thought about how terrible it would be for me to not be able to move, to not be able to look after my children, the one thing that I have wanted my whole life.  It made me me realise that I need to stop whinging and woman up. Start appreciating the things I have and stop focusing on how hard everything is.

One habit that I am trying to pick in order to help me to be more appreciative of life is to express gratitude daily, I am currently using an app on my phone to record 15 things I am grateful for everyday (or when I remember).  This is helping me to appreciate the good things that I have in my life, from being thankful that I have all my limbs in working order to being thankful for big cups of tea, or that my son did a poo today.

Here is today's list:
Today I am thankful that:
1. It has been a beautiful sunny day,
2. None of us got a tic while we were at Forest School,
3. The boys didn't wake till 8am,
4. I had enough fuel to get to Forest School and back,
5. The tadpoles seem much happier in their new washing-up-bowl home,
6. There were vegan biscuits at Nursery Service,
7. I had lots of "I love you mummy, you're my best friend" from Boris,
8. We found a beautiful beetle,
9.I got to catch up with a friend today and that her worries about her health were unnecessary.
10. I received complements on my clothes,
11. The vegetables seem to be growing well,
12. I am feeling energised to keep the house clean and tidy,
13. The bean casserole I made for dinner was delicious,
14. The new blades for my Magic Bullet came today,
15. We can have a quieter day tomorrow.

My word of the year this year is ENJOY.  But I think I have been forgetting it because I haven't been enjoying life that much sometimes. By expressing gratitude for what I have, what I do, who I am etc, I will find more enjoyment it in and more enjoyment in life.  An enjoyable life is manifest because of the gratitude towards what is already here.

I Diverge

Do you remember how I recently read Divergent by Veronica Roth and how I felt I identified with the idea of being Divergent, especially the way I feel my way of thinking doesn't fit in with the norm, well I was sharing these thoughts with some members of my church at my small church group.  One of the members challenged me on this idea asking if I really was divergent, he gave some examples of ways in which I conform to society's norms such as being married and having children and owning and living in a house, he said that growing a few veggies on the allotment don't make me divergent.  I wasn't offended because I have known this man for several years, and in our group we are not afraid to challenge each other, but it did make me think, am I really divergent? Or do I just like the idea of it? After some deliberation in my mind I decided that, I am divergent, and do you know what, I wish everyone else was too!  I want to use this opportunity to explain why and how:

• Christianity - Of those in the UK who identify themselves as religious, Christianity is still the most common religion so in that sense I am not unusual, however only 15% of the population attend church at least once a month, so again I am in a minority in terms of actually practicing my faith by attending church (although admittedly I probably only manage that minimum figure).  Of course I think it would be great if everyone could experience the love of Jesus, and my Church family would be even bigger! 

• Breastfeeding - I still breastfeed my 29 month old in the morning and evening and exclusively breastfed my nearly 10 month old till he was 6 months old and still feed him on demand now. Nationally exclusive breastfeeding at 6 months is just 1%.  I think that puts me in the minority! I am passionate about breastfeeding and volunteer for a breastfeeding charity to help women who want to breastfeed.  Studies show that breastfed infants are less sick as adults, sick adults cost the NHS money so I am willing to hazard a guess that if everyone who wanted to breastfeed but was let down by a lack of support, had been given appropriate support enabling them to breastfeed, there would be a pretty substantial saving in health costs, and possibly an increase in happiness of mothers who wrongly feel it was their fault. 

• Full Time Mother - 66.5% of mothers work either part or full time so again I am in the minority, though only just.  But to put this figure into perspective for me personally, of my female friends who are mothers I only know of one who has not gone back to work or isn't currently planning on going back to work, so in my little world I feel very divergent in this sense, and there is definitely a societal expectation that I will be going back to work. Data indicates that 75% of new mothers would like to be able to stay home so if all mothers who wanted to stay home with their children could then that would mean an increase of 41.5% of mothers.  Possibly resulting in an increase in happiness for those mothers!

• Vegetarian - Only 2.5% of the population are vegetarians!  Need I say any more?  If everyone became vegetarian there would be an overall increase in the health of the population, a reduction in animal cruelty, a reduction in emissions, a saving of water, and a saving of the Amazon (the Amazon rainforest is being de-forested to make way for land to plant beans and grains to feed animals which are subsequently used as meat.) link

I could go on about the ways in which I am divergent from the norm in our society, I could mention things such as the way I try to live minimally and away from commercialism, the way I try to buy organic, unprocessed food, how I had a home birth, how we use cloth nappies and co-sleep, how we recycle our plastics and do you know what?   I do like being in a minority, it makes me feel a bit special and a bit different, I have always done things to make myself feel different, whether that has been wearing slightly alternative clothes, listening to different music or eating my placenta (love people's faces when I tell them that one!) but what I would really love is for everyone to be divergent, for everyone to think outside the box, question the norm, and try to find a better way to help each other and the planet.

It's much easier to just go along with the status quo and to live in our little bubbles. It's less challenging to our consciences.  It's easy to not be connected to other people, the earth or animals and I am as guilty as anyone else for sometimes not separating my paper and plastics properly, or using my car when I could have walked (I am imperfectly natural afterall) and the point of this post isn't to say "look how great I am" or "I am so perfect" or "everything would be just dandy if you did it my way".  I am not saying that I am perfect or that my way is perfect and right for everyone, and I am not saying that the ways that I am divergent make me better than anyone else, but what I am saying is lets all think more about why we make the choices we do, are they really the best choice for us? our children? the world? Or are we just choosing something because it's what everyone else does? For me that is what being Divergent is all about - thinking twice, not to be better than anyone else but to be better than the me I was yesterday, to make my world a better place for us all and for everyone who comes after us. I am not going to stop at these little ways in which I am different, I will, with God's help, always be trying to make myself a better version of me.

Do you Diverge?  Maybe you have chosen not to have children, maybe you live in a caravan or boat instead of a house, maybe you decided not to get married and these are the ways you diverge, and I salute you for that because you are thinking twice, you are thinking outside the box and I would love to hear more about it, because, you know, as much as I like to feel unique, it's nice to not feel alone sometimes.