Happy New Year!

Well what a year 2015 was.  Unlike some of my friends I can't honestly say it was an amazing year. My word of the year last year was "Enjoy"  and 2015 did have it's moments of joy, our holiday in France, camping with best friends, seeing S Club 7, and I nurtured some wonderful friendships, but my general feeling of the year was that I just about made it through by the skin of my teeth with my sanity more or less in tact.

I was basically treading water for the whole of the year, just keeping my head above the surface, just surviving.  Nothing much happened on the Home Education front, almost nothing happened with my creative biz, and my diet and self care have been pretty appalling.  It is with this in mind that I have decided on my word of 2015:

I want the coming year to be a year of growth and development, with my biz, with my spiritual life, with my home life, I want to feel like I am thriving not just surviving. Moving forwards rather that just treading water.

So I am hoping for an exciting year next year, I have lots of plans in mind for my creative biz and lots of intentions for being more organised and planning things better.  I have been using my Shining Life books to set my goals and intentions and plan how I will get them done.

If you want to join me on this exciting journey and make 2016 your best year yet, get on board with the Shining Life programme, If you click on this link Leonie Dawson, who designed the Shining Life Programme gives me some thankyou money!


I have already started updating my Etsy shop with new items, this gorgeous vase:

and this painting:

(More paintings to come I hope.)

We are throwing another little thing into the mix as of sometime between the end of May and the beginning of June next year.  All being well another little life will be blessing our family, it's certainly going to be  busy year, but I am optimistic and excited.

Ain't no mama got time fo dat!

I haven't been around much lately because the nitty gritty business of just living has been getting in the way of the more gentile and pleasurable aspects of life such as blogging, crafting and documenting. Activities which I bitterly  miss.

To put in plainly I have been grafting, earning my crust, busting my gut...We had no money so I had to get a job or two.  And I have been learning a lot about myself and the world through this experience.  For one thing, I totally get why poor people take out loans; because having no money is depressing, it really sucks, so you cheer yourself up by buying and doing things you can't really afford, taking a holiday to France for example, buying lottery tickets, getting a takeaway every Friday night, thinking "blow it, let's try for another baby" (and by the way since when did having children become a privilege of the rich?) I have a new-found sympathy for those on low-income.

But in putting my nose to the grindstone I have realised how severely neglected my creative inner world has been, and it's been suffering (I've been suffering) big time.  I didn't really realise quite how much I needed it until this morning when I took a gander through an old sketchbook. I was immediately taken back to a time before I had children when I had the luxury motivation to be able to take time to really reflect on my inner creative world, search my soul, listen to my whispers, hear my hearts calling etc etc etc. I was at a real high point in my creative journey where I felt on the cusp of something big, things were coming together, symbols, art pieces, meaning.

Some of my old sketchbook pages.

And then BAM...Children, and suddenly you think that  nurturing your creative spirit isn't a priority any more, or useful, or important.

It's not like I sat down one day and though "oh well, you know what? I don't really need all that arting around, it was all just a bit of a lark really, now I have to get on with the serious business of raising children."  It happened slowly, over time, almost without me noticing; my ability to be able to sit down and really reflect, search, discover, create, has been chipped away at, though tiredness, lack of free time, distractions (curse you Facebook) I have neglected to make a priority of these essential explorations.  And equally as imperceptibly a whole part of my spirit, my personality in a sense, has been degrading and has left me with strange empty gap which I have rather unhelpfully filled with feelings of anger, resentment and frustration. I can't blame my children, it's not their fault and they fill up another part of my soul even more measurably than that lack of creativity empties another.  I also can't blame myself in any useful way because it was just something that happened, maybe it was something that had to happen, I don't know. But what I know now is that no one else is going to drag me out of this rut, there is no lottery win over the horizon, no long lost relative who is going to die and leave me their fortune, if I want things to change then I need to pick myself up off the floor and make it happen myself.

And I am starting, not with some great money making venture but with small gestures, notes, journal reflections.  I intend to simply pay attention again, like I used to, because not only an I not a whole person without nurturing my creative spirit, but I am a far less effective parent to boot. Hopefully I'll be seeing lots more of you all over the coming weeks and months, be with me, wish me well, I need this.

Hello September, Hello Autumn!

So we have officially reached the end of summer and what a great summer it has been.  Having my other half working from home most days has been wonderful, it has meant lunches as a family in the garden, evening walks and the odd mid week day out.  The weather has been fantastic, I have been out with the boys every single day visiting playgrounds, parks, friend's gardens, paddling pools, woods and lakes.  It's been too hot for me at times (I am a delicate English Rose after all) but mostly I have enjoyed wearing sandals and skirts and sort sleeves, I have definitely loved the long days and hanging wet washing on the line to dry every day (love the smell of line dried washing) and whaduya know, we are in for an Indian summer!

But I am happy to welcome in the change of the season, bringing with it crunchy leaves underfoot, and that feeling of crispness in the air.  definitely much better to look for the positives in Autumn and Winter than mourning the loss of the summer and moaning about the negatives of colder weather and shorter days. I can quite honestly say that the only thing that worries me about the Autumn and Winter is the washing.  There is little worse on a cold wet day that a living room with wet laundry hanging in it. But while the warm weather lingers I won't worry about that little grey cloud and I will ponder on all the things I have to look forward to in the coming months - Birthdays, meeting friends, new toddler classes, toddler groups starting up again, themed weeks. This week alone holds a 7 day raw food challenge, a visit from my lovely sister and a Lion King theme.  Bring it on!

On Turning 31

Today I turned 31.
31 on the 31st May; that feels meaningful.
Turning 31 feels different to turning 30, better; 30 hangs in the air like a partially deflated balloon from a party that you should have already left. 31 on the other hand has a sense of purpose to it.  I am now IN my 30's as opposed to clinging hopelessly to my late 20s. The party is most definitely over and it's time to clean up, it's time to get serious.  Oh, that sounds very dull, I don't mean it to.  It's not going to be dull, it's going to be awesome, but it is going to be more purposeful.
I am going to seriously start to enjoy myself, I am going to seriously start to be grateful for all the wonderful things I have, I am going to seriously be positive, I am going to seriously start making meaning in my life and I am going to seriously start crafting a joyful life.
I love that my birthday falls about halfway through the year, it gives me a chance to reflect on the first half of the year and re-focus on my goals, and create new ones. It occurred to me that 10 years ago I was celebrating my 21st birthday, a great milestone year, I had a look through my photos to see what I was up to this time 10 years ago.  I was in my second year of uni at Oxford Brookes studying Fine Art, my house mates and I had a house party with some old school friends and new uni friends. It was an awesome party involving plenty of alcohol, an epic balloon fight, birthday cake and plenty of drunken antics.  Oh now times have changed in 10 years, not just where I am in life but also who my friends are and what I feel is important.  This year all I wanted to do for my birthday was go for a walk in the woods, eat some lunch in a pub, then chill out at home for the afternoon!  No partying here!  But it was all good, it was what I wanted to do and it felt special.  I felt special.  Even hanging the washing on the washing line this morning felt special and different because it was my birthday and it made me realise how important your outlook is on the way you feel.  I have been thinking a lot recently about positivity and more specifically the power of positive thinking, how consciously thinking positively can change how you feel and maybe even what happens to you.  I fully intend on doing some positive thinking in the coming weeks (made easier by the warmer weather and lighter evenings), lets see where that leads!
When we went for a walk in the woods today and I received a message, a little piece of plastic that my husband picked up from the bushes with the words "yes you can" printed on it.  I took this as an answer to a few questions I have had recently.
I feel really good about turning 31 and I think this is going to be a really amazing year. Watch this space!

10 years ago

Now