Distraction Vs Immersion

Well hello 2018, we didn't get off on the right foot did we.  Let's start again!

Let me explain; The house of mama began this year with a two night stay in the high dependency unit of our local hospital for our four year old, beginning on New Years eve 2017 (which I spent alone, cleaning the oven).  It was an incredibly worrying, upsetting and stressful time and I am unspeakably glad it's over.

It was most certainly not the start to the year I had in mind. My plans were for an evening of relaxing, drinking some rose with my husband, and watching Jools Holland.  Followed by a weeks of sorting and tidying the house, clearing out junk, planning our home ed year and filling in my shining life workbook (which is actually just a notebook where I am answering the questions from last years workbook because #onabudget).  The reality was quite different and something I'd sooner forget.  Therefore New Year has officially started this week for me and was precursed by a wonderful "Word of The Year" Workshop run by my lovely friend Vicki from vickiclubleymoore.com.

I've been choosing a word of the year for about five years now, but it's only really properly informed my year since I began the Shining Life programme by Leonie Dawson, because with her workbook I was able to delve deeper into the hows and whys or word-of-the-year.  This will be my third year. I have found it a really useful and inspiring tool to help me focus on how I want my year to unfold, how I want to feel and what I want my year to look like.

When I looked back over the past year I realised I felt like it had gone really really quickly and I had blinked one to many times and missed it.  I feel like the past year has been filled with distraction.  I have constantly distracted myself from real life by looking on social media, rading books or simply hiding away in the kitchen, at every possible moment.  And I don't want to look back over my year, over my life; and think that I wasted it all on Facebook.

I really felt like I wanted next year to be a year of being present, living more in the moment and really immersing myself in life.  Home ed life, home life, family life, spiritual life...  I wanted to feel like I am fully experiencing everything the year has to bring; to touch, taste, smell, hear and feel absolutely everything, so I end the year full of wonderful memories.

For these reasons and more that I won't bore you with I have chosen the word IMMERSE for my word of the year.

(My rather crinkles word-of-the-year art that I did at Vicki's workshop!)

I want to be fully immersed in life in 2018 not distracted from it.

It will be interesting to see how the year goes because right now it feels a bit like wading through mud.  I haven't shaken the feelings of sadness surrounding my little boy's awful hospital stay and I am struggling to find my rhythm. It's difficult as a full time, home educating mama to feel any sense of beginning and end, any sense of a task completed, of a job well done because everything is a constant cycle and I am almost always wanted and needed for the next task.  From laundry to cooking meals to ferrying children to different places and trying to squeeze in house work, my life is not my own at the moment and nothing feels like it's going my way.  Right now my immersion feels more like drowning than the involvement and engrossment I had in mind.

According the Thesaurus.com the antonym to Immersion is Surrender.  This feels particularly poignant at the moment.  Surrendering to life as I know it is all I can do right now.  I have the choice to either surrender to the messy, chaotic majesty of this wonderful life or I can try to fight it and end up drowning, because no amount of fighting or running away is going to change things.  I can only surrender and get on with it. But one thing is for sure, I won't be distracting myself from it any longer because I don't want to miss it.  As hard as it is someday (everyday at the moment) this is my one glorious, cluttered, manic life and I'm diving right in.

Hello 2017

Bliadhna Mhath Ùr, Blwyddyn Newydd Dda, and Happy New Year (that's Gaelic, Welsh and of course English, yes I am still in love with Outlander and I am half welsh)

I hope you are all entering the new year filled with hope for the fabulous wonders that 2017 may bring.

I am entering the year with slight trepidation.  I have honestly had such a wonderful year in 2016, it feels like it's hard to beat.  What if 2017 doesn't live up to it and is a huge disappointment? How can anything be better than 2016!

I know I need to shift this thinking to one of expectation of a fantastic year ahead.  To get my mind in the right place I am doing the Leonie Dawson Shining Life Workbooks again.  I loved them so much last year and they have really helped me to achieve a lot of my goals in 2016. I didn't achieve every goal, but I did achieve lots and I am so pleased about that, some were big (run a Gentle Parenting Retreat) and some were small (do a puzzle) and I know that writing them down, reviewing them and scheduling really helped me to achieve them.

I was so excited to get my workbooks in the post a few days ago that  I made a little video about them:

(That's my little boy chattering away in the background!  I feel bad watching back that I don't acknowledge him, I was just concentrating so hard on what I was saying for the video!!!)

A few years ago the way I set goals for the year ahead was so different from how I do it now. I wrote down ways in which I wanted my life to change but put no thought to planning how I would make them a reality.  The goals were not specific or measurable so not only did I not really know what the goal was, but I had no way of tracking how well I was doing or how near or far away I was from achieving my goal.  

I wasn't convinced by the workbooks when my friend Vicki introduced them to me a few years ago but she persuaded me to get on board and I am so glad that I did because they have totally transformed how I set goals and plan the year ahead.

What I didn't really explain in the video is how these books are so effective, particularly the life book.
To begin with reviewing the previous year is so important, it allows you to realise and think about what went well and what didn't so you can accept it and move onto the next year free from guilt and free from trying to drag unfinished business into the new year. 

In the next part of the book you begin to think about what you want from the year ahead, how you want to feel, what you want to achieve. It allows you to really dig deep and think about how you want the year ahead to look. 

Of course last year had it's ups and downs, there were parts that were really really hard, but knowing how much I achieved makes me feel so joyful and positive about the year ahead.  We can achieve so much, us mothers, and it's so important that we make time for our own goals, our own dreams.  It can be so easy to let that little light inside of us dim as we stoke the fires in our children, but we need that spark inside to glow and grow not just for our own well being and sanity but for the sake of those around us as well; because when we are the best versions of ourselves we can nurture others better as well. 

I would really encourage you do set some goals for the year ahead, break them down into steps then schedule them into your week so they become achievable. Maybe you like the look of the Shining life workbooks, if you do, then please click my affiliate link below.  (Leonie Dawson gives all her affiliates a little bit of money for every sale made through the link.)  

I wish you all a wonderful year ahead and hope you achieve everything you set your mind to.  

Gentle Parenting Retreat Success!

On Sunday 28th of February I hosted the first ever Gentle Parenting Retreat in Berkshire.
After months of planning, organizing, emailing, buying resources, advertising, and dreaming it actually happened!  People committed to it, they showed up and it actually happened.  I couldn't quite believe it as people were walking through the door.  Everyone who had their name down came and it was so so wonderful.  All those mums together in the one place, sharing similar struggles, fears and hopes, there was a great atmosphere and energy in the place.

We began the day with some time to chat and have a cup of tea before moving through to the studio where I began my art workshop.  I hoped the workshop was relaxed and enjoyable.  I talked to the mums about listening to their inner critic, the critical voice in their heads. We thought about how we could turn the positive intention behind the negative voice into a positive affirmation or word to paint onto the front of their canvas, and a symbol to reflect their parenting journey.  I also taught some paint and collaging techniques.

I was pretty nervous before beginning the workshop.  I hadn't taught a group of adults as large as this before, and it's been a while since I have spoken in front of a group, but the women were so wonderful, kind and keen to have a go, it was very heartwarming.  The results of their creativity were astonishingly beautiful, the colours and images that were created spoke volumes.

After lunch we enjoyed a mindfulness workshop run by Tanya Forgan, we had time to open up about some of the challenges we find in gentle parenting, as well as learning techniques for using mindfulness in every day life.  We had a couple of wonderful guided meditations, with relaxation techniques which left us feeling relaxed and chilled out.

At the end of the day I couldn't stop smiling to myself, and have since had lots of positive feedback and interest in future Gentle Parenting Retreats. I felt the day was truly a success on so many levels, and I can't deny that I am proud of myself for pulling it all together, but of course know that it could never have happened if it wasn't for a fantastic group of mums who really believed in the event.  For me the aims of the day were absolutely achieved.  I wanted mums to be able to relax and reflect, to be able to refill their cups so they could return to their children re-energized and revitalized. I certainly returned home buzzing and filled with a renewed sense of being able to cope whatever new challenges arose. And I learnt some new relaxation techniques which I have already put into daily practice.

I feel like an internal shift has taken place since I began this project, I really do believe that this is in part due to the Shining Life Workbooks which have helped me set my goals and targets, plan ahead and reflect and review.  It has made me feel like I really can achieve my goals and dreams when I set my mind to it.  But it also seems to just all be happening at the right time, maybe a year ago, this just wouldn't have worked, but now it feels right.

I am excited to organise another retreat in the neat future, I feel for us mums it's something we need to do regularly as part of our self care.  In a funny conversation this week with a friend, we said that if we were to see the work we do as like a job that we were being paid for, the retreat would be classed as a day of professional development or a networking event.  In a paid job these things would be seen as important, essential even, but for some reason, because we aren't paid for our "work" this type of occasion is dismissed as self indulgent and a luxury. We really need to shift our thinking on this and invest in our own self care and development to help us become better parents, and more importantly better versions of ourselves.

Happy New Year!

Well what a year 2015 was.  Unlike some of my friends I can't honestly say it was an amazing year. My word of the year last year was "Enjoy"  and 2015 did have it's moments of joy, our holiday in France, camping with best friends, seeing S Club 7, and I nurtured some wonderful friendships, but my general feeling of the year was that I just about made it through by the skin of my teeth with my sanity more or less in tact.

I was basically treading water for the whole of the year, just keeping my head above the surface, just surviving.  Nothing much happened on the Home Education front, almost nothing happened with my creative biz, and my diet and self care have been pretty appalling.  It is with this in mind that I have decided on my word of 2015:

I want the coming year to be a year of growth and development, with my biz, with my spiritual life, with my home life, I want to feel like I am thriving not just surviving. Moving forwards rather that just treading water.

So I am hoping for an exciting year next year, I have lots of plans in mind for my creative biz and lots of intentions for being more organised and planning things better.  I have been using my Shining Life books to set my goals and intentions and plan how I will get them done.

If you want to join me on this exciting journey and make 2016 your best year yet, get on board with the Shining Life programme, If you click on this link Leonie Dawson, who designed the Shining Life Programme gives me some thankyou money!


I have already started updating my Etsy shop with new items, this gorgeous vase:

and this painting:

(More paintings to come I hope.)

We are throwing another little thing into the mix as of sometime between the end of May and the beginning of June next year.  All being well another little life will be blessing our family, it's certainly going to be  busy year, but I am optimistic and excited.

Feeling inspired

Isn't it amazing how levels of energy, motivation for things, the spirit of creativity comes in dips and peaks? It's seems like for a long time I have been in a dip, well more of a pit really when it comes to creativity.  And of course when you are in a pit, you can't see what's over the top so you have no idea how long it's going to last. Eventually the dip ends, it has to end, even though it feels like it never will and when it does the feelings of wanting to create are so strong and powerful they just can't be ignored.

After having my "Ah ha" moment last week where I realised that being creative was just something I HAD to do, I picked up a book I had downloaded onto my Kindle months and months ago.  I had read a few pages, but at the time it didn't speak to me so I moved onto something else.  This time however it was absolutely spot on with where I was at. Everything the book said spoke to and resonated with how I have been feeling. The book is called "The Rainbow Way - Cultivating Creativity in Motherhood" by Lucy Pearce, (and isn't it amazing that at the exact time I have been feeling like I need to create, the exact book I need to inspire me and get me going is already in my consciousnesses, I didn't need to start looking through Amazon scrolling through pages of books, not knowing which was the right one, it was right there in my Kindle ready and waiting for the moment that I was ready to read it.)

If you fancy getting yourself a copy, click on this link and I get a little moolah!!

So anyway I am plowing through this book and I am practically shouting "YES" at every page because it is exactly how I have been feeling and not knowing that it was ok to feel that way.  The book talks about how there are two different types of mothers (well actually there are lots of types but she is speaking to mothers who want to be creative) they are  Earth mothers and Rainbow Creative mothers.  Earth mothers derive all their satisfaction from life through their mothering and Creative Rainbow mothers need to spend time on their creativity in order to feel completely fulfilled.  And of course this doesn't mean that Earth mothers aren't creative, but unlike Creative Rainbow mothers they don't have the vital desire to be creative for their own sake and not just as part of bringing up children.

I realised that all this time I have been thinking I was an Earth mother, or at least trying to be an Earth mother and wondering why I was failing so miserably at it, when in actual fact I am a Rainbow Creative mother and when I acknowledge this fact I not only stop feeling guilty about failing to be a good Earth mother and wondering why it didn't fulfil me like I always imagined it would, but also give myself permission to be the creative mother I am.

I felt there were so many unspoken words in this book, it spoke for me, on behalf of me and how I have been feeling, saying all the things I have wanted to say but have felt were too selfish, too self-praising to actually say, almost taboo.  Things like:

"Those who do not understand this renaissance that creative mothers experience try to reassure us and quiet down our fire: You have all the time in the world to paint and write, babies are only young once. Don't be selfish, you need to focus on your children.
They do not understand that this way madness and sadness lie."

"The truth of the matter is that the creative mother who is unable to create, will not be a better mother, instead she is unable to mother properly either.  For the creative mother, creativity is her life force that makes her bloom.  Take that from her and you take her soul"

"For all mothers their over-riding love and commitment to their children shone through their words.  Which is why being a creative mother was such a soul battle - they were being pulled between two absolute priorities."

"The Rainbow Mother is often perceived, either in her own mind, or those of others, as a misfit,. A dreamer and creatrix, she is always fluttering like a butterfly from one project to another, always trying new things.  She regularly needs to descend into her creative depths, bringing visions between the physical world and dream-time."

This describes me perfectly:

"The Creative Rainbow Mother's home, despite her often being a real home-body, tends to reflect her abundant yet chaotic approach to life - with half-finished projects, creative materials and inspiration, and mess, all around her.  She does not prioritize housework over soul work! Not for her the routines of the Earth Mother nor the consistence which society tells her she must provide for her children in order to be a good mother. .......The Creative Rainbow Mother regularly needs to fly free,. And the truth is that she is a divided soul......But she needs her home, her partner and children to help her to ground her energy and keep her in this world - and so there is a constant tension built into her relationships."

"For many mothers, myself included, who are instinctively drawn to the philosophy of attachment parenting....the need to be our children's everything in the early months and years, can be deeply draining to creative spirits that are used to long periods of solitude, quiet and concentration.  We aspire to be totally devoted mothers, and yet find that we cannot."

Are any of you shouting "YES" to any of these quotes?  If you are the please, get on board, we could go on this journey together!

Anyway, going back to that last quote, the author of the book, Lucy Pearce goes on to quote another artist/author called Leonie Dawson, who, by happy coincidence, or cosmic relevance or holy destiny, I just happen to have been simultaneously looking into as I have been reading the book (A friend pointed me to her a long time ago, and at the time I had dismissed, but again, like with the book, suddenly now seems relevant).  I had no idea Leonie Dawson would be quoted in the book, and then to my surprise I also see Leonie Dawson recommending "The Rainbow Way" on her website!!  It's all meant to be!!  So I immediately ordered Leonie Dawson's Shining Life and Biz workbooks, wall planner and diary. And whaduyaknow they arrived this morning!! Sooooo excited to get started.  I am so ready to take on 2016 and make things happen.
If you are interested in buying the Leonie Dawson Workbooks then click on this LINK and I get a bit of moolah from Leonie if you decide to buy them!!  How awesome is that!

I currently have that wonderful feeling that doesn't come very often where you feel like anything is possible, that your dreams can come true, that you CAN achieve the things you want in life, you just need to make it happen. I really am excited to get going and seeing where all this goes in the coming year.  

Keep in touch you beautiful people xxx