Gentle Parenting Retreat Success!

On Sunday 28th of February I hosted the first ever Gentle Parenting Retreat in Berkshire.
After months of planning, organizing, emailing, buying resources, advertising, and dreaming it actually happened!  People committed to it, they showed up and it actually happened.  I couldn't quite believe it as people were walking through the door.  Everyone who had their name down came and it was so so wonderful.  All those mums together in the one place, sharing similar struggles, fears and hopes, there was a great atmosphere and energy in the place.

We began the day with some time to chat and have a cup of tea before moving through to the studio where I began my art workshop.  I hoped the workshop was relaxed and enjoyable.  I talked to the mums about listening to their inner critic, the critical voice in their heads. We thought about how we could turn the positive intention behind the negative voice into a positive affirmation or word to paint onto the front of their canvas, and a symbol to reflect their parenting journey.  I also taught some paint and collaging techniques.

I was pretty nervous before beginning the workshop.  I hadn't taught a group of adults as large as this before, and it's been a while since I have spoken in front of a group, but the women were so wonderful, kind and keen to have a go, it was very heartwarming.  The results of their creativity were astonishingly beautiful, the colours and images that were created spoke volumes.

After lunch we enjoyed a mindfulness workshop run by Tanya Forgan, we had time to open up about some of the challenges we find in gentle parenting, as well as learning techniques for using mindfulness in every day life.  We had a couple of wonderful guided meditations, with relaxation techniques which left us feeling relaxed and chilled out.

At the end of the day I couldn't stop smiling to myself, and have since had lots of positive feedback and interest in future Gentle Parenting Retreats. I felt the day was truly a success on so many levels, and I can't deny that I am proud of myself for pulling it all together, but of course know that it could never have happened if it wasn't for a fantastic group of mums who really believed in the event.  For me the aims of the day were absolutely achieved.  I wanted mums to be able to relax and reflect, to be able to refill their cups so they could return to their children re-energized and revitalized. I certainly returned home buzzing and filled with a renewed sense of being able to cope whatever new challenges arose. And I learnt some new relaxation techniques which I have already put into daily practice.

I feel like an internal shift has taken place since I began this project, I really do believe that this is in part due to the Shining Life Workbooks which have helped me set my goals and targets, plan ahead and reflect and review.  It has made me feel like I really can achieve my goals and dreams when I set my mind to it.  But it also seems to just all be happening at the right time, maybe a year ago, this just wouldn't have worked, but now it feels right.

I am excited to organise another retreat in the neat future, I feel for us mums it's something we need to do regularly as part of our self care.  In a funny conversation this week with a friend, we said that if we were to see the work we do as like a job that we were being paid for, the retreat would be classed as a day of professional development or a networking event.  In a paid job these things would be seen as important, essential even, but for some reason, because we aren't paid for our "work" this type of occasion is dismissed as self indulgent and a luxury. We really need to shift our thinking on this and invest in our own self care and development to help us become better parents, and more importantly better versions of ourselves.

Gentle Parenting Retreat

Gentle parenting can sometimes be quite emotionally draining, it can take a lot out of you because you have to give a lot. Sometimes it is good to take some time out, not to get away from your children but to take some time and space to relax and refill your emotional cup. It's important we do this to be effective parents, we must meet our own emotional needs in order to meet those of our children.

It's for this reason I decided to organise a one day gentle parenting retreat near me for like minded mums to come together, share their experiences and relax.

The day will begin with arrival between 9 and 10 (I know what it's like trying to get anywhere early with children about), we will spend this time getting to know each other a bit and sharing a hot cup of tea or coffee.  

Our first session is a creative art session which will give us an opportunity to explore themes of motherhood, express our innate creativity and experiment with materials, no art experience necessary, we will of course stop half way through for refreshments.

We will break half way through the day for a delicious lunch.

In the afternoon we will learn about mindfulness and how it we can incorporate it into our parenting and we will end the day with a relaxing guided meditation so we can all float home in a peaceful and relaxed trance!

The day long session with two therapists and lunch costs £75.00.  I have 14 places available.  Any mothers who practice gentle parenting or attachment parenting are welcome to join us.  It doesn't matter if your children are toddlers or teenagers, the only restrictions on this even is that it is mothers only.  You don't even have to be local to attend this event.  

Please get in touch if you are interested, details are on the flyer.

Gratitude

Sometimes I get a bit down in the dumps.  I feel like I am losing my way with the boys, shouting, getting frustrated and impatient all the time. I feel like the house is always a mess and the boys seem to leave a trail of destruction in their wake.  I turn my back for what seems like 30 seconds and when I look again a whole roll of toilet paper has been unrolled, all the shoes have been taken off the rack, all the books off the bookshelf and there is a pile of sand on the living room floor!  Is this a habit particular to my children? Or maybe it's because they are boys?  Or maybe it's my fault for leaving a roll of toilet paper within reach?  Whatever the reason, it is easy to get bogged down with the frustrations of day to day life as a full time mama and forget to capture the beautiful and precious moments and the sparks of joy.  Sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees, everything seems like such an effort and a bother and there never seems to be enough time for anything, I am always chasing my tail trying to catch up.

I am the sort of person who does a lot of soul searching from time to time and I was having a moment recently, thinking about regrets and opportunities missed, not a good path to go down I know, but it got me thinking that one of the reasons I feel like I don't make the most of life at any given point is that I am always looking for the next thing, the next stage.  I am thinking "things will be better when..." or "when such-and-such happens, they I can be truly happy" or "I will be an amazing mum when...",  I never seem to be able to value just being here. 

But here is where I am, and now with the power of hindsight, the sadness and regret that comes with the memory of missed opportunities, I know that I need to grab here and live it and love it.  I only get here once and with the passage of time visible in front of me in the living and ever changing form of my children, I am even more acutely aware of how much I must appreciate there here and now.

I remember thinking years ago how much I wanted so badly to be a full time mum, that it was all I ever wanted, that life would be complete once I was one and that it was what I had always meant to do.  I read a quote or a phrase or something recently about how you already have the things you wished for yesterday (something to do with the law of attraction or something) and it hit me like a big piano dropping out of a third storey window.  I am living the dream I had all those years ago.  What an idiot I am for not even noticing and appreciating this fact!

A few days ago I read an article about a woman who was paralysed from the neck down after a skiing accident.  These sorts of stories don't usually affect me, I am a strong believer in all things being relative, but this time it really did affect me.  I just thought about how terrible it would be for me to not be able to move, to not be able to look after my children, the one thing that I have wanted my whole life.  It made me me realise that I need to stop whinging and woman up. Start appreciating the things I have and stop focusing on how hard everything is.

One habit that I am trying to pick in order to help me to be more appreciative of life is to express gratitude daily, I am currently using an app on my phone to record 15 things I am grateful for everyday (or when I remember).  This is helping me to appreciate the good things that I have in my life, from being thankful that I have all my limbs in working order to being thankful for big cups of tea, or that my son did a poo today.

Here is today's list:
Today I am thankful that:
1. It has been a beautiful sunny day,
2. None of us got a tic while we were at Forest School,
3. The boys didn't wake till 8am,
4. I had enough fuel to get to Forest School and back,
5. The tadpoles seem much happier in their new washing-up-bowl home,
6. There were vegan biscuits at Nursery Service,
7. I had lots of "I love you mummy, you're my best friend" from Boris,
8. We found a beautiful beetle,
9.I got to catch up with a friend today and that her worries about her health were unnecessary.
10. I received complements on my clothes,
11. The vegetables seem to be growing well,
12. I am feeling energised to keep the house clean and tidy,
13. The bean casserole I made for dinner was delicious,
14. The new blades for my Magic Bullet came today,
15. We can have a quieter day tomorrow.

My word of the year this year is ENJOY.  But I think I have been forgetting it because I haven't been enjoying life that much sometimes. By expressing gratitude for what I have, what I do, who I am etc, I will find more enjoyment it in and more enjoyment in life.  An enjoyable life is manifest because of the gratitude towards what is already here.

Eating at the Dinner Table

Eating at the Dinner Table is something most families do right?  They sit together and chat about their day and they plan for the rest of the week.  They get things off their chests, talk about their worries, have a laugh and enjoy good food in the company of each other.
Well until recently my family weren't doing this, we were eating in front of the TV with our meals on our laps and Boris sat in splendid isolation in the highchair, strategically angled away from the TV in the vain hope that he might not watch it, when in reality he was straining his neck to get a better look!
For ages I had been planning on sorting out the dining table which had been pushed against the wall and predominantly used as a desk for my husbands computer and a space for clutter to accumulate, but I never could quite muster up the motivation to clear it of all the detritus and pull it out.  Until a few weeks ago that is, when Boris was asleep and I had a rare moment of energy to sort out the mess and get the table out.  We have been eating at it for nearly every meal ever since and it is so much better.
My husband and I actually have conversations! (I know, shocking!)  It was tricky at first, if I am honest the first few meals involved a bit of bickering, some awkward feeling silent moments, but we are getting used to talking and eating together now and the conversations are flowing. 
I am also finding that we are watching far less TV.  Often the TV would go on a every single meal but now we are eating at the table it doesn't go on at all during the day.  Yes, we are eating Breakfast, lunch AND dinner at the table.  I actually find it really relaxing and often read a book if it is just me and Boris, the lack of noise pollution that emanates from the box is very calming and helps me to think straighter. It must be beneficial for Boris too, to see us eating and talking together, he will learn about how people communicate, eat politely and he will also benefit from the peace to allow his inner voice to speak.  Actually his outer voice has become quite entertaining around dinner times now too, especially since his highchair is next to the mirror, he has lots of conversations with himself as well as us! 
At first I found it really strange not having the TV on when I was eating, it felt like there was something missing, or that I was missing out on something.  I almost felt like I wasn't enjoying my food as much without being visually entertained, but that feeling has gone and I really do relish the peace and chance to connect with my husband and little boy.
There are also the health benefits that come with eating at a table.  We are much more aware of what we are putting into our mouths and in theory should be eating less as we are more able to concentrate on what we are doing.  There is also the digestive benefits in sitting at a table instead of hunched over on a squashy sofa.
Then there are the myriad psychological benefits from watching less television from a reduction in stress levels to greater sense of self-esteem.  (Read Remotely Controlled by Aric Sigman for more on the benefits of not watching TV)
So the move from sofa to table was, all-in-all a good move and something I am now totally used to. I hope we contine this good habit for many many years to come as we watch our family grow.  I look forward to all the conversations we will have round a table, the laughs we will share and the connections we will make with each other.
Do you eat at a dinner table?  What do you love most about it?

The Pinkification of girls

Today I saw something very upsetting, well perhaps I am being a little over dramatic, but it did bother me.  It was this Peppa Pig back pack that you can see below.  On this occasion it's not the character that particularly upset me (though I dislike it) nor the colour (thought I am sick of the plague of pink we see in the girls section of shops these days) it is the words at the top for which "P is for".  Of all the empowering words this back pack could have displayed that begin with "P": Passionate, Powerful, Plucky, Positive... the designers chose "Perfect, polite, pretty and pink"  Could they have come up with a series of more passive, submissive, insipid words to put onto a little girl's bag?  

What about empowering girls?  Instead of labelling and encouraging girls with a word like "perfect" they could have encouraged girls to be individual, instead of "polite" what about  teaching compassion, and instead of "pretty" how much better would it be to encourage girls to be courageous or hard working or kind?  This bag is just a small example of the worrying deluge of stereotypical toys, clothes and accessories for girls.  I thought we had come on a bit since the 1950's but it seems we have taken a back step in terms of liberation of women and girls.  I know I sound over dramatic but you only need to take a little look in the dressing up section of most toy shops, the boys are entitled to creative, proactive roles such builder, police man and doctor where as the girls are relegated to caring or fantasy figures such as nurse, princess and fairy.  No there is nothing wrong with aspiring to be a nurse but when the aspirations in terms of career end there, we have to ask what is going on?  

Just take a look at this add from the 1980's and compare it with the lego promoted to girls, and this website for a girly lego http://friends.lego.com/en-gb/  today:

I for one hope that if my next baby is a girl I will be able to resist the avalanche of pink and offer a whole rainbow of colours, careers and even personality traits to my daughter. Children's brains are like sponges, they absorb everything they see and hear indiscriminately, so although it might seem like I am over-reacting here, girls are taking on an insidious message that tells them how they are expected to behave, what they are expected to look like and what their aspirations should be and I think this is so wrong.  I really hope that there is a change in the way girls are being portrayed by manufacturers so they can feel empowered instead of being pushed towards passiveness and vanity.  

I intend on contacting the designers, manufacturers etc of the above back pack to express my concerns.  

In the mean time I would like to share with you some links to websites where people speak much more eloquently that me on this topic:

http://blogs.telegraph.co.uk/news/jakewallissimons/100210036/pink-lego-is-an-abomination-end-this-gender-fascism/

http://www.pinkstinks.org.uk/

http://www.girlswillbehq.com/blog/

http://www.lettoysbetoys.org.uk/let-toys-be-toys-toymark-scheme/

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/belinda-parmar/pink-really-does-stink_b_1675472.html

I am sure there are more websites and articles out there, please let me know what they are if you have seen them, in the mean time you can join the pinkstinks campaign and like their facebook page if this sort of thing bothers you.  

Right I am off to write a strongly worded letter.