Top 10 Breastfeeding Myths

Poor old Jamie Oliver, he really has got it in the neck this last week.  He has been called all sorts of names simply for saying that breastfeeding is good and that mums need more support in doing it.

It sometimes seems like you can't say something positive about breastfeeding without being accused of being judgmental, putting pressure on women, or even being likened to a Nazi regime.

But we really have got to keep saying good things about breastfeeding, and we really have got to keep fighting for better support because the formula companies have millions of pounds to spend telling people that their product is really good and helping mums get to it and making sure they know about it. Funding for breastfeeding support is woefully poor, so if we don't use our voices to get the message across, what hope have we got against multi national, billion dollar companies? And the mad thing is that people supporting breastfeeding don't even do it for any financial gain!  We are doing it simply because we know how good it can be, how good it can be for mums and how good it can be for babies .  And on a personal level, I did it because I saw the the emotional pain women went through when they weren't able to achieve their breastfeeding goals and I wanted to help take that pain away. (I can assure you that the formula companies are not considering your emotional well being when they promote their product, despite how much they might like to appear like your best friend.)

It has really made me sad seeing the negativity surrounding breastfeeding that has been flying around social media this past week.  Many many women have been let down by the system and they are quite rightly burned.  But my concern is that with such a small voice in support of breastfeeding we risk putting generations of women off breastfeeding altogether.  When women are unsupported with their breastfeeding and things go wrong, they are often left to draw their own conclusions for why things didn't work out or are told false truths by family members and medical professionals alike which can derail their journeys.

So I wanted to take an opportunity to dispel a few of the myths surrounding breastfeeding that I have spotted over the past few days in the hope that it will fill women who are yet to embark on a breastfeeding journey with hope that breastfeeding is indeed good, and that the breastfeeding community is full of love and encouragement for other mums and mums to be.

1. Breastfeeding hurts:

Ok so, yes, sometimes breastfeeding hurts, BUT, and here is the big but, it doesn't have to hurt.  It shouldn't hurt.  If it hurts then that's a sign that something ain't quite right.  
There are a few possible causes to pain when breastfeeding. Sometimes it is quite simply that you have never had a baby suck on your nipple before and so it takes your body a little getting used to.  If pain persists though or there is cracking or bleeding, then it's important to get help.  Often a simple tweak to the position and attachment of the baby can solve feeding pain.  Sometimes it takes a little more investigation.  In rare cases a tongue tie might be to explain (a tongue tie means that baby is not able to draw the nipple to the back of the mouth, so it instead hits the hard pallet at the front of it's mouth, which can cause pain, but can be rectified fairly simply with a small surgical procedure) or a possible infection such as thrush (easily treatable when diagnosed).
The main thing to remember is that pain when breastfeeding is not inevitable, it's is not something to be expected and it is not something which should be tolerated.

2. Dad's find it harder to bond with their babies when mum's breastfeed:

There are many ways for dads to bond with their babies that don't include feeding.  Bathing, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cuddling, massage, playing together etc etc.  If dads weren't able to properly bond with their babies except through feeding then mother nature would have given men lactating breasts too.

3. Breastfeeding makes your boobs saggy:

There are three things that cause breasts to sag.  One is pregnancy.  Even if you decided not to breastfeed your body still grows breast tissue and prepares the body for breastfeeding.  Often this means your breasts grow bigger, causing them to stretch, but sometimes not, which is where I come onto the next reason for breasts sagging - genetics.  Some women will have boobs that sag, others won't, it's down to your genes.  And finally, aging.  You can't argue that gravity plays it's part in the downward direction of our breasts and over time (aging) gravity can take it's toll, unless you are one of the lucky ones (genetics).  Breastfeeding does not cause breasts to sag.

4. Breastfed babies wake more at night:

A recent study by Swansea University showed that all babies wake in the night and that what sort of milk a baby was fed did not affect the number of times they woke.

5. Breastfeeding takes longer:

Different mother and baby combinations make for different feeding times.  Some babies take a long time to feed, others take less time, they are all different. Sometimes babies will suck the breast for comfort which may have led to the myth that breastfeeding takes longer.

6. You have to eat a really healthy diet so your baby gets healthy milk:

Studies show that even mothers who would be considered moderately malnourished produce breast milk that is equal in quality to that of a well nourished mother.  It doesn't matter what you eat, your body makes excellent milk.

7. You can't drink (or eat curry, drink orange juice, etc) if you breastfeed:

It is perfectly safe to consume an alcoholic drink whilst breastfeeding.  The body is an excellent filter.  There are actually no food or drink restrictions with regard to breastfeeding.  Some mums find that different foods they eat affect their baby in different ways, but there are no hard and fast rules, it's all trial and error. But there is certainly no reason not to eat curry or cauliflower or grapes unless you discover any undesirable side effects in your baby. Here is some more information on alcohol and breastfeeding: https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/wp-content/dibm/alcohol.pdf

8. My boobs/nipples are too small/ too big to breastfeed:

Nipples and boobs come in all shapes and sizes and are not a reflection on the mother's ability to produce milk or feed her baby.  It is the amount of breast fat that usually affects the size of the breasts most significantly, but also the number of ducts can vary from woman to woman from between 4 and 9 per breast. However they work on a supply and demand basis so even if you have four there is no reason why our breasts would produce less milk. Nipples also come in different sizes and do not reflect an ability or not to breastfeed.   If mums experience difficulty getting their baby to latch and find that the size of their nipple is the reason, there is almost always a way to adjust the positioning so that the baby can latch effectively, a visit to a breastfeeding supporter can help find a comfortable position.

9. You can't breastfeed twins:

Women's bodies are designed to be able to sustain multiple births. Two babies, two boobs! Don't believe me, just ask on any good breastfeeding group. Unfortunately many mothers have been led to believe it is simply not possible.  I am here to say, with the right information and support, it is.

10.

If you have had breast surgery you can't breastfeed:

It is very likely that after a breast reduction, or breast implants that you would still be able to breastfeed.  Check with your doctor before assuming you won't be able to breastfeed after having breast surgery. I have seen many women with both implants and reductions successfully breastfeed their babies.

Hopefully that has dispelled a few myths and maybe given some women confidence in their bodies ability to nourish their babies.

Gentle Parenting Retreat

Gentle parenting can sometimes be quite emotionally draining, it can take a lot out of you because you have to give a lot. Sometimes it is good to take some time out, not to get away from your children but to take some time and space to relax and refill your emotional cup. It's important we do this to be effective parents, we must meet our own emotional needs in order to meet those of our children.

It's for this reason I decided to organise a one day gentle parenting retreat near me for like minded mums to come together, share their experiences and relax.

The day will begin with arrival between 9 and 10 (I know what it's like trying to get anywhere early with children about), we will spend this time getting to know each other a bit and sharing a hot cup of tea or coffee.  

Our first session is a creative art session which will give us an opportunity to explore themes of motherhood, express our innate creativity and experiment with materials, no art experience necessary, we will of course stop half way through for refreshments.

We will break half way through the day for a delicious lunch.

In the afternoon we will learn about mindfulness and how it we can incorporate it into our parenting and we will end the day with a relaxing guided meditation so we can all float home in a peaceful and relaxed trance!

The day long session with two therapists and lunch costs £75.00.  I have 14 places available.  Any mothers who practice gentle parenting or attachment parenting are welcome to join us.  It doesn't matter if your children are toddlers or teenagers, the only restrictions on this even is that it is mothers only.  You don't even have to be local to attend this event.  

Please get in touch if you are interested, details are on the flyer.

Reflections on camping with toddlers

Arriving at the campsite, playing with the boys while the dads set up the tents, having a tasty dinner together, putting the boys to bed the sitting out in the setting sun, drinking wine a chatting with friends till we take ourselves off to our cosy tent for a restful nights sleep.  Have you read the blog Junkaholique?  This is the vision I had in mind. 

This was the image I had in my head of camping with my family and some close friends for the first time.

Ok you can stop laughing  now!

Of course it was nothing like this!  The reality was somewhat different to my imaginings.  To begin with putting up the tent was an absolute nightmare.  It took about two hours, and our children lost their patience long before the tent was erected. The problem? We borrowed a beautiful bell tent off a kind friend but failed to do any research on how to put it up.  This combined with me thinking the tent needed to perfectly even all the way round, no sags or unevenness, was a recipe for a very stressful tent erecting experience.
Because it took so long to get the tent up, dinner was eaten in a fragmented, disjointed way, not the coming together, laughing, joyful event I had fantasised about.
Bed time was another issue, we decided that we should try to get the boys to sleep in the same way we would normally at home, (mistake) so I laid down to feed Biscuit while my husband read stories for Boris.  This started off ok, but soon Biscuit got restless and started wandering round the tent distracting Boris who then decided that he wanted to go home and sleep in his own bed and didn't want to sleep on the floor in a tent after all.  After something like an hour we gave up trying to get them to sleep and decided to just sit outside with them on our laps watching cbeebies on my husbands tablet.  Why didn't we do this to start with?  It would have saved a lot of stress and tears.
The night was fine, we were warm and cosy and dry in the bell tent though bizarrely in spite of my tiredness I couldn't get to sleep?! Waking up in the ethereal light coming through the thick canvas in the morning was a beautiful thing and everything else went well that morning even though we had to get the tent down in the rain.

So lessons learnt from this camping trip:

Be prepared -  As the scouts say, and by this I mean plan ahead.  Find out the arrangement of the camp site (is it fenced in, can a gate be closed or is it always open etc), research how to erect your tent, (maybe even have a practice run in the garden), plan what activities you want to do during the day so you have something to look forward too, and one added stress removed, Find out what the showers and toilets are like so there are no hidden surprises when you are expecting a flushing toilet with all mod cons and you are presented with a porta loo and a hose pipe, or when you are expecting free showers and find you have to pay 20p and you have no change.

Be well equipped - Roughing it can be fun when you are a young single at a festive or a couple biking it round the uk for the summer or such like, but when you are camping with children there are a few pieces of equipment that I highly recommend packing with you.  A table - (thankfully our friends had the foresight to bring one as it didn't occur to us,) it keeps the stove, knives, raw meat (not that we would be eating any of that but you know what I mean) etc out of children's reach and clear from the ground, something to hold water, (three small drinking bottles is probably not enough), chairs, because when you are old and creaky (and just spent 2 hours erecting a tent) sitting on the floor is no fun at all. Wine of course needs no explanation (did I mention it took 2 hours to erect the tent?),

Good enough is good enough - Regardless of the type of tent be it bell, dome or teepee, it doesn't have to be perfect, so long as it doesn't let in any rain or wind the odd wrinkle or fold here and there is completely fine.  The same applies to meals, sleeping bag arrangement, washing and so on. Perfection is neither necessary nor does it add to the enjoyment of the experience, if it's good enough then that's good enough.

Manage your expectations - (read; lower your expectations) The children aren't going to behave in the way they do at home, everything is different and exciting and tiring to them, if they resist washing, eating, going to bed etc don't fight it, go with the flow, maybe your children go to sleep in ten minutes and maybe they won't and if they won't that's ok, one night of no teeth brushing isn't going to result in any teeth falling out, and a meal of marshmallows instead of the delicious pasta dish you prepared in advance isn't going to do any harm as a one off.

Bring entertainment - (and don't feel bad about using it) Be it games like cricket, football or throwing a Frisbee, some toy cars, colouring books or the trusty tablet with some pre downloaded episodes of Charlie and Lola, entertainment for the kiddos is important, and there is no need to beat yourself up for letting them watch cbeebies on the tablet if it helps them calm down of an evening or keeps them safe whilst dinner is cooking.

Be there for your children:  Camping for the first time can be both exciting and scary for a small child.  They may get upset for what seems to be the most irrational reasons, but it's important to remember that their feelings matter especially when they are in a new and strange setting.  It is more important to be present for your children than to get the tent up in record time, even if it means stopping for a cuddle now and then (did I mention that the tent took two hours to erect?? TWO HOURS).

All my own work

In spite of this somewhat pessimistic sounding reflection of camping with toddlers, I would actually go again because the camping side of it I really enjoyed.  There is so much freedom in leaving behind your worries and possessions and being much closer to nature, it is easy to leave your problems behind when you can watch a sunset or sun rise and enjoy the peace of being surrounded by trees and the feeling of grass underfoot. I didn't even mind the midnight walk to the porta loos (thanks tiny bladder) or the three minute shower (the motion detector light went off halfway through), there is a certain novelty to be found in cooking on a single ring camping stove and drinking wine from an enamel mug, I hope it doesn't wear off and I hope that there will be many more camping trips for our family in the future.

Special thanks to Neill and Hannah for being so kind, patient and organised. And to Charlotte for lending us her beautiful bell tent.

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - A Week of Activities!

We've been busy!  it's been a fun and activity filled summer, here are some of the things we have been doing in a bumper week of fun toddler activities. 

There is nothing like a walk in the woods, there is so much to look at smell and touch.  We often walk in woods but on this occasion I was more purposeful with out intention.  We would collect some woodland stuff and make it into a woodland/nature art piece. 

Boris got very excited about picking up different sticks and pine cones and putting them in the bag.

He looked more carefully at things and showed me things more than he normally would because he knew he would be keeping it for something special later.

We explored the beautiful light that seems to always be present in the woods and talked about how tall the trees were.  We noticed the way the texture of the ground changed and we off the beaten path to explore under, in and around the trees and bushes. 

When we got home I did have a go at encouraging Boris at join me in making some sort of hanging art piece but he wasn't interested so I just laid out the pieces we had collected, for him to explore. 

Making the Switch to Cloth

When I was pregnant with Boris I was sure I wanted to have a go with cloth nappies.  Without knowing all that much about cloth nappies I bought a couple of packs of pre-folds in newborn size and a starter set.  The brand I purchased had an absorbent booster that was folded and placed inside a waterproof wrap. My mum also bought me a single Tots Bots all-in-one nappy.  I also bought some bio-degradable disposable nappies to use in case I didn't get along with the cloth.

When Boris was born I found the experience of being a new mum totally overwhelming, I had this little human who needed me all the time, there was no schedule, no order, just a wriggly, hungry, pooping machine.  I gave my cloth nappies a go, but Boris wriggled all over the shop and I couldn't get the booster to be in the right place and I found I was having to wash the waterproof outers with every nappy change because the cotton trim on the edge would be wet with wee, so I would soon run out of nappies.  I naturally gravitated towards the disposables, they were so much easier to put on and they were just one less thing to worry about compared to the faff of the washables.

Two and a bit years down the line and I am realising that I am throwing away two massive bags worth of disposable, urine and poo filled nappies every week, they stank and I felt awful about the waste.  I knew I wasn't going to get along with the pre-folds so dug out the one Tots Bots that my mum had bought and I gave it a go.  What a revelation! It was just as easy to put on as a disposable, just as absorbent, soft, chemical free and no waste!

I set about gathering Tots Bots nappies, bought a couple more new and a bunch second hand, so gradually began to use less disposables.  For me, that was the key to making the switch - it was gradual, so I got used to the differences, I got used to the extra washing, (although I am still getting used to knowing when the boys have pooed.  The washables hold poos in really well!)

I was all set to buy some more Tots Bots when a friend said she was selling her birth to potty set.  It wasn't Tots Bots but I felt I could get to grips with it; this time a waterproof wrap with pop-in inserts (no movement when trying to put them on a wriggly baby's bottom) So I suddenly had plenty of nappies.

We are currently still using disposables at night. And still working out how to scrape sloppy poo off washable liners, but definitely getting there.  I am so happy to not be throwing away such a vast about of not-recyclable material and get a very satisfied feeling seeing them all hanging happily to dry on the washing line in all their fluffy glory.

Do you use cloth? Thinking about switching? here are a few things I have learnt about cloth:

1. Man-made materials dry much quicker than natural materials,
2. It's harder to tell when a cloth nappy is full so I avoid leeks by changing them regularly rather than waiting,
3. The sun bleaches out discolouration,
4. Waking a baby who sleeps through the night to change his nappy is a bad thing,
5. Essential oils make nappies smell better.

My (Wonderful) Home Birth Story

When I started this post I was calling it simply "My home birth story" but decided to add in the "wonderful" because there are so many negative birth stories out there that might add fear to expectant mothers that I wanted to make it clear from the start that this post is a positive story meant to fill people with confidence in their bodies and to share the sense of joy I felt on this special day.

The afternoon before the morning of giving birth we visited my grandmother-in-law and all day I felt like I had a bit of a dodgy tummy and kept having to go to the toilet, I was also ravenously hungry and ate at every opportunity I had that day, I literally couldn't get enough.  Looking back I realise now that my urges to go to the the toilet were the start of contractions and my hunger was obviously my body telling me to pack in the calories because later on I was going to need the energy. 

We went home, had dinner and put our toddler to bed, as the evening went on I felt like I was getting something like contractions, I said to my husband that there was definitely something going on, I said that it might be a false alarm, as with my first son I had contractions all day which then stopped for a day before I gave birth.  I was also sceptical because it was two weeks from my due date.  I had a shower and got ready for bed and went to the toilet quite a few more times, I switched the hot water on thinking that I might like to have a bath if the contractions carried on (and slightly bizarrely scrubbed the grout in the bathroom).  My husband came up to bed and we both tried to get some sleep.  At about 1.30 I felt like the contractions were getting a bit stronger and we started to count how long they were lasting and timing the gaps between, they were lasting about 30 seconds but sometimes having 7 minutes between so we didn't phone to hospital because I still felt like it could still be nothing.  At about 2.20 I had a contraction that was strong enough to wake me up. We phoned my mum and dad because we though we would warn them that I was having contractions and that the baby might be coming tonight, but that it could be a false alarm (my parents live in South Wales and I wanted my mum there when the baby was born so that she could look after my older boy if he woke up).  We started writing down the times from about 2.20 and my husband  fell asleep at about half 2, I stayed awake and felt really worried about what would happen with my toddler, what if he woke up? who would look after him? what if I had to go to hospital? etc.  I started to get a bit panicky and scared about what would happen which kept me awake, I prayed that this wasn't it and that the baby wouldn't come yet so that my mum would have time to get here.  I must have woken up my husband with a contraction at about 3.00 because he started to write them down again and we started planning what we would do if this was really it.  We decided that I probably was in labour because I stopped counting contractions and started just breathing heavily through each one.  I was lying on my side in bed.  The contractions were often uncomfortable as it felt like the baby was moving and when it did it intensified the contractions, it made me think that birth wasn't imminent because I thought the baby would go still if it was on its way.    At 3.15 we phoned mum and dad and asked mum to leave and come over because I was almost certainly in labour.  At 3.45 my husband phoned the hospital to tell midwife that I was in labour, he had to call several times because it was engaged for quite some time he started to get a bit worried, he felt we were reaching the point of no return (as in it would be too late to drive to hospital if we didn't hear from the midwife soon) and couldn't get though to the hospital.  Eventually he got through to a nice sounding midwife, she was the on call midwife so said she would leave right away and come over. 

I started pacing around the upstairs of the house and then leaning my hands on the bed and swaying my hips in circles when I had a contraction.  I was still regularly going to the toilet, partly to see if I had my mucus plug and partly because I was feeling the urge to empty my bowels, I also felt more comfortable sitting on the toilet and gyrated and even swirled my head around the manage the pain.  I ran a bath and laid in it for a bit, but the water didn't seem hot enough and I didn't feel particularly comfortable lying on my back so I got out, just as the midwife arrived.   

My husband saw the midwife driving around at about 4.30 and went up to the car in his slippers because she couldn't find the house.  She came upstairs just as I was getting out of the bath, I continued sort of pacing and wondering about and leaning my hands on the bed and swaying.  She asked if I had had my mucus plug or if my waters had broken, I said no to both.  I started to try to get some positive visualisation to help me through the contractions (which by now were getting much stronger) and to keep me breathing deeply, I was picturing myself on a beach and when I was breathing in I pictured myself breathing the ocean towards me as if the tide and waves were coming in, then as I breathed out I imagined I was blowing the sea back out again. 

Because there were still two weeks till the due date we felt that there was plenty of time to buy things we needed for having a home birth such as some maternity mats and a tarp, so we had to improvise, my husband went downstairs and gathered up the plastic mat from under my toddlers high chair and got some towels out of the airing cupboard.  The midwife got all her stuff out and ready  but I had to ask her to move because it was where I was planning on being to give birth.  She sorted out the gas and air but I didn't feel like having any at that point.  She asked if she could examine me to see how dilated I was.  I said that I had planned to not be examined, but she seemed keen to do it, also I kind of felt that I wanted to know how far along I was.  I was worried though and said to her that I thought I would feel really depressed if I was only 2cm along.  I decided to be examined and waited for a contraction to pass then got on to the bed, but then had another contraction straight away so had to wait.  The contractions were still quite random at this point, certainly not 1 minute apart and each lasting for a minute which is what the midwives usually want to hear.  I said to the midwife that when I had contractions the baby was moving and making the contractions worse. After the contraction finished I laid down on the bed and she examined me.  It was very uncomfortable but she was really nice and saying that it wouldn't take long, it stung, but after she had done it she said I was 8-9cm dilated and I was so relieved.  Part of me felt like I must have been quite dilated because remembering how I felt with my older boy and comparing the two, I felt similar.  I asked my husband to turn off the main light. 

The midwife checked the baby’s heart beat, she said it was a bit fast (or was it a bit slow?) but nothing to worry about.  I asked my husband to rub my back and he did and he asked me if I wanted him to use the coconut oil which we had discussed , I said no but he did anyway which I was glad of. He rubbed side to side on my lower back and moved up and down depending on what I asked.

After the midwife arrived, at about 4.45 my husband phoned our friend to come over in the hope she would get to us before my mum and be there in case our toddler woke up, he couldn't get through initially but then he got through to her husband and she started getting ready to come over.  While Paul was out of the room on the phone I asked the midwife to rub my back which she did, she was really good at it.  It felt good to be able to ask her to do this and for her to do it, I think it helped me to trust her a bit more.  I never would have felt comfortable to do this had I been in hospital. 

I remember that I was anxious that I hadn't had my mucus plug and kept going to the loo to check and the last time I went to the toilet there was my show and I called through that I had had it, I was relieved because I knew it meant things were moving on.  I had felt frustrated about not having had my show or waters because I felt like it meant labour would be longer without having had them.   

At some point I felt myself going through transition.  I had a contraction that was much stronger and caused me to push a bit, I was so consciously aware of it, I remember actually thinking oh, I am going through transition.  I think not having the gas and air helped because I was so much more aware of what was going on.   I settled on my knees on the floor by the bed where Paul had spread out the mat and the towels.  I also had a pillow on the bed to prop myself up a bit.

Things progressed really well and quickly.  I continued to use positive visualisation. My husband rubbed my back and used coconut oil to make to easier, it felt really good.  At some points I felt he was too near me and I asked him to move away because it just felt like he was in my space and it somehow made the contractions worse. The midwife kept periodically checking the baby’s heart beat and I remember her saying it was a very happy baby.   At some points I felt the contractions were so strong I felt like I was spiralling into a miserable despair of pain, where I felt like crying and just complaining about the pain and feeling sorry for myself and unable to cope.  However because I hadn't had the gas and air, and so could concentrate and because I had the midwife and my husband continuing to tell me to breath and take really deep breaths I was able to re-focus and do my deep breathing and continue with my positive thinking.  I was now not just thinking about breathing the ocean in and out but breathing the whole of creation in and out.  I was imagining all the animals and trees and hills and birds and lakes rushing towards me and into my lungs then blowing them all back out again and filling the earth with life.  When I had contractions now I was gyrating my whole body and swirling my head round, it felt very primal and natural.  I started saying "yes yes" and telling the baby to come on.  I was feeling myself tense up and said to my husband and the midwife that I was tense and needed to relax, and so was telling myself out loud to relax.  I tried to think about relaxing my thighs a bit and my jaw.  I said that I needed to be more positive and to say positive words so started just saying the word love over and over. At first the midwife laughed, but, according to my husband , she saw I was serious, so didn't laugh again.  I am sure that if I had been in hospital I wouldn't have felt confident or comfortable enough to do this, I am so glad I was at home and could just say and do what I wanted. The contractions were now so strong I started pushing during them or rather my body was pushing and I went along with it, I felt much more in tune with what my body was doing, I knew how to work with my body, rather than fighting against it. It felt almost a bit sexual, the way I was saying yes, oh yes and come on baby, but I felt it was what I needed to do.  I was saying yes that the baby was moving down and I was saying out loud that I could feel the baby moving down, it was such a powerful experience, I felt so strong and totally in the zone.

The midwife kept looking to see what was going on and she said she could see a bulge, and eventually during a contraction a small amount of waters came, it felt good physically to feel the pop of the waters and it also felt good psychologically, because it felt like things were moving on and it wouldn't be long now.  There wasn't much waters, the midwife said because the baby was so low down that it was blocking all the other waters from coming out.

I continued to push on the contractions and there can’t have been more than about 3 before I could really feel the baby moving down, it felt really rough and scratchy, it really hurt but thinking back I felt so powerful, I just pushed really strongly, it also felt like productive pain.   I was screaming and pushing hard and pretty delirious with it all.  I felt like my body was being ripped apart, like the world was ending, like I was dying.  But then the baby moved down and I pushed really hard on one contraction and the head came out and I kept pushing then the rest of him came slithering out onto the floor.  Instantly the pain was gone and I was filled with joy.  The midwife caught him and rubbed him down with a towel and I instantly felt a rush of complete happiness that just washed over me, I took off my top, my husband said I wanted to have skin to skin, the midwife was checking everything was alright with him, that he was breathing ok and his nose was clear etc.  I put my hand down to get him and he grabbed my finger.  I remember saying "my darling" and the midwife passed him to me through my legs and I pulled him into my arms and looked at my husband and just started laughing, I felt so happy and joyful holding him there, it’s a feeling I never want to forget.  My husband saw he was a boy and told me.

The midwife left the room to answer her phone and I just remember kneeling on the floor by the bed in ecstasy laughing.  The time went quickly, the midwife had let my friend in who had been at the door, and a second midwife who had been on the phone arrived.

I somehow got onto the bed and laid with my beautiful boy on my chest.  The midwife said the she needed to cut the cord because it was short and I needed to get him on the breast so that I could birth the placenta (I declined the cyntometrine injection that chemically helps this process along) We waited until the cord had stopped pulsating and had gone completely cold then my husband cut it.  I saw signals that my son wanted to breastfeed, he was rooting so I helped him to my breast, he latched on pretty quickly and started to suck, a wonderful feeling, how he knew what to do still amazes me.  The new midwife that had come was keen to get the placenta out.  I was having period like pains so I gave a bit of a push and out it came (I kept it for encapsulation).  I was then stitched up (ouch), as I had a second degree tear from pushing him out so quickly.  My older son woke up just as I was being stitched and my husband went and got him and brought him in when it was finished.  He came straight over and said "ba ba" (his word for baby) then stroked him, so sweet.

It was wonderful to just be able to lie on my own bed for as long as I wanted.  Because it was shift change the second midwife that had come left and a new midwife arrived.  She helped me to shower and get dressed. Having a shower and using my own toilet in my own home was brilliant.  So much nicer than the hospital toilet that I had to share with who knows how many women.  

I then just laid in bed all day falling in love with my beautiful baby and feeding him whenever I wanted, I had him tucked into my night shirt for quite some time because I wanted him to be warm. 

Although my prayer for labour not to have started wasn't answered God sorted it out that it didn't matter because my son slept through the whole thing. All the worries I had had about a home birth hadn't come to fruition, there not being a midwife available, having merconium in the waters, having to be transferred to the hospital, being totally ill prepared to have a home birth, having not even written a birth plan.  Everything went perfectly and totally to plan and I am so thankful to God for not being a "careless mechanic" as Ina May says in her book "Ina May's Guide to Childbirth".  I was able to trust my body to do what it was designed to do.  It's also worth saying that I never saw any mess what so ever, the midwife cleared everything away in minutes.  

I really hope this story makes any women considering a home birth confident that it can go well and that childbirth itself is not the terrible dramatic thing that the media would have us believe, but a beautiful natural process that we are designed to go through.

Oh Dear Doctor Christian

Breastfeeding is wonderful, one of the most natural thing in the world, sadly it doesn't come naturally to everyone, many women who choose to breastfeed struggle, experience immense pain, feel terrible that they have to stop and some don't even begin because of all the horror stories they have heard or because of previous bad experiences.
My heart goes out to these women, there is not enough support for women who want to breastfeed their babies.
My own breastfeeding experiences and those of my friends caused me to want to help women who want to breastfeed but find it difficult, so I trained to become a breastfeeding helper. I am passionate about breastfeeding and it's benefits.  I am also passionate about women making their own choices, and perhaps more importantly informed choices.  So you can imagine my irritation when I read the latest misinformation that is circulating the magazine shelves of our country.

I am sure you have seen it trending, it came up on no less than four facebook groups that I am part of, Doctor Christian, the dishy Doctor of Embarrassing Bodies fame has made a right old boo boo when discussing breastfeeding with Closer Magazine. I know I shouldn't be surprised that a women's magazine is bashing breastfeeding, it isn't the first time and I am sure it won't be the last.

Last time it was grabbing readers attention by scaring them into thinking breastfeeding could kill their babies, now it's telling mothers that breast feeding is pointless beyond 6 months.

Doctor Christian tried to correct what was written saying via twitter/Closer magazine's website that he had been misquoted, but even his correcting himself was factually incorrect!

The attention grabbing subheading (above) was saying that after breastfeeding for 6 months there is no need to continue, in the Closer interview he says:

“Advice on breast feeding is always changing. The World Health Organisation recommends breast feeding for up to two years, while the NHS recommends breast feeding for the first six months.

(he says this as if the two are contradictory)

“Breast milk is beneficial to a baby's immune system for the first six months, but there is no harm in continuing to do it as long as the child has a healthy diet.

(suggesting that breastfeeding after 6 months is not beneficial to the immune system)

“If a child is being breast fed until eight, this may make them overly dependent on their mother. However if they are being breast-fed at four there is no harm in this.

“I support women who want to breastfeed and would never wish to discourage anyone from doing so.”

To begin with the World Health Organisation recommend breastfeeding for up to two years AND BEYOND.  It does not recommend to stop at two years.

Breastfeeding is an unequalled way of providing ideal food for the healthy growth and development of infants; it is also an integral part of the reproductive process with important implications for the health of mothers. As a global public health recommendation, infants should be exclusively breastfed for the first six months of life to achieve optimal growth, development and health. Thereafter, to meet their evolving nutritional requirements, infants should receive nutritionally adequate and safe complementary foods while breastfeeding continues for up to two years of age or beyond . Exclusive breastfeeding from birth is possible except for a few medical conditions, and unrestricted exclusive breastfeeding results in ample milk production.”

The NHS recommends breastfeeding exclusively for 6 months and then supplementing with food after that. It does not recommend stopping breastfeeding after 6 months.  Babies cannot get all the nutrition they need from solid food and cows milk until they are a year old, until then babies have to have breast milk or infant formula to get all the nutrients they need. So if a woman is breastfeeding and happy to continue then why would she stop at 6 months?

Baby's immune systems continue to benefit from breast milk well beyond 6 months.
According the the Breastfeeding Network website:

Breastfeeding continues to be important for children’s nutrition, development and care after the first 6 months of life. Breastfeeding at current levels is considered to be able to contribute on average at least:-

• 75% of the energy requirements for children 6–8 months
• 50% for 9-11 months
• 40% at 12–24 months

(When breastfeeding is well established and supported it can contribute an even larger percent to energy and nutrient requirements.)

Breastmilk is also a major provider of protein, vitamins, minerals, essential fatty acids and protective factors. 

In terms of the psychological effect of extended breastfeeding, I am not aware of any studies that show it causes damage and can only assume that this is Doctor Christian's own opinion and is not based on facts.

So I am really not sure what Doctor Christian was thinking putting his name to factually incorrect information.   He must be quite cross at Closer magazine. I am extremely saddened and disappointed that this incorrect information has been put across as factual; misleading women across the country.  Women have a hard enough time establishing breastfeeding, some women take months till they are really comfortable, so to be told that there is no need after 6 months is such a kick in the teeth and really undermines their efforts. I mean I haven't continued to breastfeed my son for nearly two years because there is "no need"!  I really hope that women who have struggled and succeeded with breastfeeding do not take this article seriously or feel like their efforts have been in vain, and that any women thinking about carrying on breastfeeding after 6 months but aren't sure if it is worth it, do research the benefits before making a decision. Women should be empowered not undermined.

Sources:

How long should a mother breastfeed? (La Leche League International)

What are the benefits of breastfeeding my toddler? (La Leche League International)

Toddler Breastfeeding - Why on Earth? (Jack Newman’s Site)

A Natural Age of Weaning (Katherine Dettwyler Anthropologist)

How long should I nurse my baby? (Katherine Dettwyler Anthropologist)

Extended Breastfeeding Fact Sheet (Kellymom.com)

Fun things to do with toddlers - ball shuttle run

This activity sort of evolved one week day evening, my toddler had watched Monsters University and was inspired by a scene where two characters race each other, he was posing as if on starting blocks then running up and down from the back door in the living room, through the living room to the front door.   I decided to make his running a bit more purposeful by placing a bucket by the front door and a small pile of plastic balls by the back door.

I showed him how he could pick up a ball and run with it to the front door and drop it in the bucket. But his mama didn't raise no fool, he took two balls at a time! Clever boy!

Then I remembered something I had seen on Pinterest with a child dropping balls down a paper towel tube taped to a wall.  I had always thought this was quite a fun idea except that my son would probably get board with it pretty quickly, so I decided to adapt this idea by taping a crisp tube to the wall above the bucket.  My son loved it!  He spent quite a while running back and forth with the balls and even carrying the bucket back to the living room and emptying the balls out onto the floor to start again.  He needed a bit of help replacing the bucket to underneath the tube as sometimes he was putting it into the wrong place and the balls were dropping on the floor.

A fun activity that kept him entertained for quite some time, and gave him a good burst of exercise to tire him out! Also built on his fine motor skills and problem solving skills.

Have you come up with any new fun activities for toddlers recently?  I would love to hear about them, also share your blog posts about activities you do with your toddler.

Allotment Update

Or - What went down at the allotment in 2013:

I originally took on my allotment from the local council about 5 years ago, shortly after we moved into the area, things have changed so much there over the years, but I am still not on top of it.  I wonder if you can ever be "on top" of mother nature?  This year I knew that I didn't want to over do it by planting loads of different, exotic vegetables, so stuck with what I know works and what I could manage.  With it being such a dry hot summer things didn't flourish as much as they could have if I had watered on those dry days but I still
harvested a modest amount of food considering how little work I put in.  It is so difficult to get down there with a toddler in tow, he is so curious and loves to explore so I have to either go there and hope he falls asleep in the car on the way or wait until I can go there with someone else who can watch him while I get on.  I am still so thankful to have it though it will be wonderful when Boris is a bit older and I won't have to worry about him eating something he shouldn't or wandering into other peoples' plots.

So now I am just starting to shut everything down at the allotment in preparation for both winter and my impending childbirth, covering the ground in plastic and picking the last of the harvest, a few small beetroots and, some runner beans and a couple of courgettes.  My mum helped me a couple of weeks ago, tidying the edges, tucking everything under the plastic and laying more plastic to keep the weeds at bay.

So I thought it was a pretty good time to do a little review with some photos of the allotment I took a few weeks ago.  I can't believe how much the weather has changed in such a short amount of time!  We were in the heart of summer what seemed like yesterday and now it seems like everything is closing down.
So here is what went down:

The last of the courgettes

The last of the rather straggly looking runner beans,

Small harvest

View of the whole allotment, my mum helped me put down the black plastic. 

What are you currently doing at the allotment?  Are you putting anything in?  Or just taking things out and covering things up? 

What I am Currently Reading - Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

This is a fantastic book which turns everything you thought you knew about behaviour managements and discipline on it's head.
It advocated reasoning, love and persuasion as means of working with your children is preference to rewards and punishments, including time-outs and praise. Our society is so used to using these sorts of behaviour management techniques without question thanks to TV programmes such as Super Nanny, that any alternative seems hard to imagine but Kohn puts forward very persuasive arguments in favour of a different approach to working with children which is far more loving, nurturing and caring than the traditional techniques. 
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about this book going round such as that children are allowed to just get away with anything and aren't given any guidance as to how to behave, but it isn't like this it all, it really needs to be read to be fully understood and I think if you do read it you would find it very hard to fall back on the old techniques that are so frequently peddles by "behaviour specialists". 
The only negatives I can say about this book are that it is quite a hard, challenging read, it requires quite a bit of concentration to understand and would probably take several reads for all the information to truly sink in (this is the second time I have read it, although the first time I didn't manage to finish it)  The other thing I didn't like about this book was a small section which had a bit of a Bible bashing feel.  Kohn argues that an authoritarian approach to discipline has it's roots in certain religious belief systems, citing old testament fire and brimstone as proof of conditional love from God.  However I would argue that the Bible is filled with evidence that God loves us unconditionally because of what he did for us through Jesus, I would also argue that Christianity doesn't assume we are innately bad (as Kohn suggests) which is why we need saving and why we must be taught to behave, but that we are innately good but have gone astray.  This is obviously an extremely simplistic explanation which requires much much more that I can write in this book review (if you are interested read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell), but ultimately I think that in spite of this small section, Unconditional Parenting is still an excellent and extremely useful read.

When I began reading I was furiously underlining sections with a pencil for future reference, but fell behind when I didn't have a pencil handy, so here are a few quotes,, but they are mostly from the beginning of the book:

"What counts is not just that we believe we love [our children] unconditionally, but that they feel loved in that way.

"This approach (unconditional parenting)  offers a vote of confidence in children, a challenge to the assumption that they'll derive the wrong lesson from affection, or that they'd always want to act badly if they thought they could get away with it.

"That's an argument not for more discipline, but for grown-ups to spend more time with kids, to give them more guidance, and to treat them with more respect."

"On balance, the kids who do what they're told are likely to be those whose parents don't rely on power and instead have developed a warm and secure relationship with them. They have parents who treat them with respect, minimise the use of control, and make a point of offering reasons and explanations for what they ask."

An extremely good book for anyone who is interested in gentle parenting, gently discipline and building a strong, respectful relationship with their children.

Blackberry Picking

Last weekend my sister came to stay and we went to my allotment with Boris.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we decided to pick some blackberries because they were so bog and juice and sweet it would have been shameful not to!

I am sure that any parent of a toddler will agree that it it is so wonderful to have an extra pair of hands (and eyes) when you are out and about, it meant I didn't have to worry about Boris running off or eating something he shouldn't.  Really makes me wish my family lived nearer.

Boris really enjoyed picking the blackberries, some even made it into the bucket!  His little lips and fingers were purple by the end of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

When we got home I stewed them with a couple of tablespoons of sugar and they became these (pear and blackberry drop scones):

125g self raising flour,
1/2 tsp cinnamon,
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg,
1 egg,
Milk (we used soya) to make a thick batter)
25g melted butter,
1 pear, stewed blackberries,
golden syrup, butter to taste.

Mix whisk together the flour spices egg and milk then add the melted butter, blob into a hot frying pan and springkle on chopped pear,  cook until little holes begin to appear on the surface then flip and cook on the other side for a couple of mins,
Serve with butter, golden syrup and stewed blackberries.  Yummy!

 

And these (blackberry sponge cake):

Weigh 2 eggs, whatever the weight of the two eggs is, weigh out the same amount of flour sugar and butter.

Cream together the butter and sugar, add the egg gradually then fold in sifted flour.  Pour into a lined baking tin and stir in some stewed blackberries (maybe two or three tablespoons) Cook at about 220 degrees for 20 mins.   Also yummy!

 

 Wishing you all a wonderful week.