Turning 40 - Why I'm not giving up on my dreams and neither should you

 In episode 1 of The Good Life, a 1970's sit-com based in Surbiton, England, following the story of the Goods, a couple who decide to quit the rat-race and try their hand at self-sufficiency, we see Tom Good turn 40.  

As a young 20 year old in her second year at University watching the series on VHS on my little TV in my bedroom, the Goods seemed ancient, but they inspired in me the seed of a dream that I had to one day become self sufficient myself.  If they could pick up at 40, living in a suburban house and become self-sufficient then I, with a whole twenty years extra time ahead of me, could easily achieve this dream.

Well now I'm 40 and I'm not self-sufficient.

What happened?  Well life happened, I had no house, no land to be self-sufficient on, so I had to get a job, I trained to become a teacher, got a mortgage (but not for a big house with land because who can afford that on a teachers income in Berkshire!?), I got married, then I had a child, then another, then two more, and now... here I am. In a house full of kids, no chickens, no goat, a few sad veg that grow as a testament to the little spark that still resides in my chest, waiting to be kindled into a flame. 

I'm pretty happy with my life though.  I think I have achieved some great things in my 40 years, things that I'm really proud of.  I've grown so much as a person through the trials and the joys that I have experienced over the years, they have embroidered many layers into my personality and identity, layers of wisdom, contentment, self-sacrifice, resilience and strength, and I've really enjoyed getting to know myself in deeper and more profound ways.  I'm proud of this person that I am, that I've become, that I am becoming. And not achieving my dream of self-sufficiency doesn't mean that I've lost anything or failed, it's just...well...life. It turned out differently than I imagined.  

I've had many adventures in my 40 years, which at the time I thought were side quests, distractions from my main goal of becoming self-sufficient, but in the end became THE quest.  Submitting to this quest has been one of the hardest and most joyful journeys of my life.  I never would have guessed all those years ago that self-sufficiency would become a side quest.  

In my defence though there are reasons my life did not exactly emulate the Goods, for one thing, unlike the Goods, my husband and I decided to have children.  Also, and I don't know if this is due to the economy now verses the 1970's or simply because of the children, but in episode 1 Tom reveals that they have paid off the mortgage. Imagine that!!  Being mortgage free at the age of 40.  Was that the norm back then?  (Please let me know in the comments if you know).  We still have a pretty substantial amount to pay off our mortgage which requires work, which means one less person for all the milking and growing, bartering, digging and egg collecting (and that one person has been pretty occupied by the child rearing!).  I also have a husband who does not share the self-sufficiency dream. Tom was quite easily able to persuade his wife Barbara that becoming self sufficient was a great idea, my husband isn't so keen.  

So what's to do?  Give up on the dream?  That's what most people do isn't it.  They decide, or perhaps realise that their dream isn't really their dream any more, or that in fact it isn't achievable, but I'm not ready to give up yet.  

The Goods became self-sufficient when they were in their 40s and so can I! (there is that slight issues of the mortgage needing paying for but let's put that to one side for now.)

At the moment my main quest, my mission is my children, home educating them and helping them become ready to be independent people in the world. 

But oh the side quests!!

Some days I wish I wasn't a person who had side quests, if only I could put aside all that and just be a mum, focus all my attention on that.  For some reason God didn't make me that way, He made me to have multiple interests all at once.  There's the Art side quest (that was once my main quest too), I love art, it is something that brings me so much joy and peace, expressing myself though paint is a rare but nourishing treat.  Then there is the writing side quest, I absolutely love writing, putting a message out there, encouraging others with my words, maybe even improving our income a little bit with various projects (stay tuned for the book I'm writing!), then there is the self-sufficiency side quest that I've already mentioned.  These days I prefer to call this "homesteading" which sounds terribly American, but like the American "Homemaker" over "Housewife" describes better what I am aiming for I think.  Self-sufficiency feels a bit like I want to cut myself off from community and I don't want that, I also feel it alludes to spiritual self-sufficiency which I also don't want. Homesteading is more about growing what we need, preserving that and using our skills to provide for ourselves or create a small income.   Of course my homesteading side quest is very meagre, my little garden of veggies, my efforts to make bread and other food from scratch, to forage what I can, to break away from the system that ties us into working "for the man"! But it gives me an extra sense of purpose, and fuels my rebellious side! 

I'm certain God is using me in all these ways to glorify him, (which is of course the quest that supersedes all other quests, along with loving God and loving others) I can't say I am certain how yet, maybe it's like one of those films or TV series which have multiple story lines all playing along at once that all converge at the end of the story in one extraordinary climax!!  

In episode 1 of The Good Life Barbara plays a record for Tom on his birthday, a song by Sophie Tucker, I played it for my husband's 40th birthday, you'll recognise the name it's called "Life begins at 40", you can listen to it here some of the lyrics are quite poignant, she says:

"Yes, life begins at forty

And I've just begun to live all over again

You see the sweetest things in life grow sweeter as the years roll on"

When I think about this, it does seem true that I have lived half my life and am beginning a second half now. I am done with having babies (very sadly as I'd love more) and the truth is that I am now facing the beginning of "middle age" I'll be thankful if I have another 40 years on earth, maybe I'll get more than that, like my grandpa who is approaching 100, or maybe I'll have fewer years like my dear mother-in-law who died aged just 70.  I don't know what the next decades will hold for me, I hope that Sophie Tucker is right and the sweetest things will get sweeter as the years roll on, but one thing is certain, I am not giving up on my dreams.  I am not giving up on my dream of homesteading, and I have no intention on giving up on any of my other side quests either, and I want to tell you that you also shouldn't give up on your dreams, it is never too late.

It's not too late to learn a new skill, to start writing a book, to learn a new language, to learn a new sport, to achieve a physical goal like running, losing weight or starting a new sport, it's not too late to learn to paint, to start a business, or fly a plane!  There is so much that can still be done, so many dreams that can still be fulfilled, it is never too late to set a new goal no matter how big or small.  

Vera Wang didn't design her first dress till she was 40, Stan Lee created his fort hit comic at age 39, and Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't publish her first Little House book till she was 65!  There are hundreds of people who have gone before us, paving the way, starting new dreams after middle age, if they can do it, so can I, and so can you!

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - Play Dough Gardens

Got a pile of playdough going hard, crystalised and smelly in a tupperwear box somewhere?  Fear not, you need not throw it out, you can give it a second life as a play dough garden.
This was such a quick, fun and easy activity, great for enjoying the last of the warm weather.

We spent sometime gathering bits of plants from the garden; well I cut and gathered and Boris just cut and let the bits drop on the floor, but never mind, he tried.

I pre arranged the paper plates with play dough squashed onto it, then showed Boris what I had in mind just by poking some of the plant off cuts into one. 

He quickly got the idea and started making his own.

He worked fast and his plate was soon full with an array of greenery, which he invited me to sniff. 

He finished off his design by sprinkling sand over it which I felt was a delightful finishing touch.

Like a mini flour arrangement or work of art.  He even included a few stones and a pine cone in his assemblage. 

Welly Boot Planters

So I had this pair of wellies that had split and were good for nothing...or so I thought!  Then I had this idea (yes you heard correctly, I thought of it all on my own, not copied from pinterest or anything!) to turn my old wellies into planters.

So I took myself and the boys off to a garden centre and bought some lovely colourful primroses, just the thing to brighten up a miserable garden in dripping wet Blighty.  I also cheered myself up with a very large slice of carrot cake and a pot of Earl Grey tea, (Boris had a flap jack).

How did you do it? I hear you cry, well it was easy really, I just folded down the tops about 2 inches to make them a little less wobbly, punched some holes in the feet of the wellies for drainage, filled them with my home made compost and bedded in the flowers and ta da!

They look really jolly at the end of the garden, and Boris helped too, attempting to punch holes and spreading compost all around the patio.  He had a great time watering them too!

Allotment Update

Or - What went down at the allotment in 2013:

I originally took on my allotment from the local council about 5 years ago, shortly after we moved into the area, things have changed so much there over the years, but I am still not on top of it.  I wonder if you can ever be "on top" of mother nature?  This year I knew that I didn't want to over do it by planting loads of different, exotic vegetables, so stuck with what I know works and what I could manage.  With it being such a dry hot summer things didn't flourish as much as they could have if I had watered on those dry days but I still
harvested a modest amount of food considering how little work I put in.  It is so difficult to get down there with a toddler in tow, he is so curious and loves to explore so I have to either go there and hope he falls asleep in the car on the way or wait until I can go there with someone else who can watch him while I get on.  I am still so thankful to have it though it will be wonderful when Boris is a bit older and I won't have to worry about him eating something he shouldn't or wandering into other peoples' plots.

So now I am just starting to shut everything down at the allotment in preparation for both winter and my impending childbirth, covering the ground in plastic and picking the last of the harvest, a few small beetroots and, some runner beans and a couple of courgettes.  My mum helped me a couple of weeks ago, tidying the edges, tucking everything under the plastic and laying more plastic to keep the weeds at bay.

So I thought it was a pretty good time to do a little review with some photos of the allotment I took a few weeks ago.  I can't believe how much the weather has changed in such a short amount of time!  We were in the heart of summer what seemed like yesterday and now it seems like everything is closing down.
So here is what went down:

The last of the courgettes

The last of the rather straggly looking runner beans,

Small harvest

View of the whole allotment, my mum helped me put down the black plastic. 

What are you currently doing at the allotment?  Are you putting anything in?  Or just taking things out and covering things up? 

Blackberry Picking

Last weekend my sister came to stay and we went to my allotment with Boris.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we decided to pick some blackberries because they were so bog and juice and sweet it would have been shameful not to!

I am sure that any parent of a toddler will agree that it it is so wonderful to have an extra pair of hands (and eyes) when you are out and about, it meant I didn't have to worry about Boris running off or eating something he shouldn't.  Really makes me wish my family lived nearer.

Boris really enjoyed picking the blackberries, some even made it into the bucket!  His little lips and fingers were purple by the end of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

When we got home I stewed them with a couple of tablespoons of sugar and they became these (pear and blackberry drop scones):

125g self raising flour,
1/2 tsp cinnamon,
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg,
1 egg,
Milk (we used soya) to make a thick batter)
25g melted butter,
1 pear, stewed blackberries,
golden syrup, butter to taste.

Mix whisk together the flour spices egg and milk then add the melted butter, blob into a hot frying pan and springkle on chopped pear,  cook until little holes begin to appear on the surface then flip and cook on the other side for a couple of mins,
Serve with butter, golden syrup and stewed blackberries.  Yummy!

 

And these (blackberry sponge cake):

Weigh 2 eggs, whatever the weight of the two eggs is, weigh out the same amount of flour sugar and butter.

Cream together the butter and sugar, add the egg gradually then fold in sifted flour.  Pour into a lined baking tin and stir in some stewed blackberries (maybe two or three tablespoons) Cook at about 220 degrees for 20 mins.   Also yummy!

 

 Wishing you all a wonderful week.

Happenings in the garden

As well as a 30 foot by 15 foot allotment that I rent from the council, we are also lucky enough have a little garden attached to my house, I mostly grow herbs in it and have a little space for Boris to kick a ball around and we also have a Braeburn apple tree!  We got it for free after collecting coupons on boxes of cereal about 4 years ago.  Every year we hoped and hoped for blossom and apples, one year there were 5 flower, we got very excited, they started to swell and were then eaten by birds *sad*.  In the winter I decided it would probably be a good idea to prune it, we had let it grow as much as possible thinking it was only little so we needed to give it some time to grow.  I cut back quite a few of the branches and a few months later the tree was covered in blossom!  We were thrilled and immediately covered it with net to protect it from the birds and hung old CDs from it to scare the bird off.  It has been positively cosseted ever since and is now heavy laden with apples that we are waiting with baited breath to fully ripen, then eat!  It is so heavy that we have had to prop it up with the frame of a portable green house!
So I couldn't resist sharing some photos with you of our beloved tree with it's apples, having waited so long for them I am sure you will forgive the slight boasting nature of this post!

 

What's growing in your garden?