Joyful wardrobe - wearing clothes that bring you joy

 October is here and I've already begun a new joyful focus, but I'm here to reflect on my joyful focus of September with you right now, which was "Joyful Wardrobe". 

As many of you know each year I choose a "word of the year" this years word is "Joyful" and each month I've had a different focus which relates to this word, I've explored all sorts of aspects of joy in my life so far this year from family to my body to home education and more. This months focus probably sounds terribly frivolous, but it's an aspect of my life that was sucking joy before. 

I had found myself in a real rut when it came to clothing.  I had a few items that I loved and I had worn absolutely to death and I had filled in the gaps with hoodies and jogging bottoms.  It was getting to the point where I literally had nothing to wear that didn't have holes or was made from jersey!  I was feeling pretty down about my wardrobe and not really knowing what to do to improve it. Part of the problem related to having been pregnant or breastfeeding for so long, so maternity clothes or clothes adapted or otherwise suitable for breastfeeding have been my mainstay (I'm still breastfeeding so I still had to take this into account) and also just generally feeling unattractive and frumpy in whatever I wore.  I'd pretty much given up hope of looking nice. 

I had no idea what to wear, no idea what I liked, not much in the way of a budget to spend on new stuff and a deep dislike for clothes shopping! 

I really do despise shopping in clothes shops, I don't know what it is about the mirrors or the lighting but I always find myself feeling fat and ugly in shop mirrors, add to this the time pressures (must get back to the car before the ticket runs out, or back home before the baby freaks out or before whoever is looking after them needs relief) size and colour options and I have found myself standing in a shop totally overwhelmed hating life!

Not a good starting point!

But not one to be put off I was determined that I was going to do something about my wardrobe so I began to add to a board I started a few years ago on Pinterest, pinning outfits that I had seen online and liked.  I called this board "finding my style" and it has really helped me to work out what I actually like.  My board now has nearly 300 pins to inspire me in my search for my own fashion tastes and styles.  

I am not the sort of person to follow fashion, I never have.  For one thing I've never really been able to afford it, and for another I'd much rather wear styles that suit my body shape and personality than styles that are on trend.  So if you're thinking that this post might help you be on trend then you'll be disappointed!

If you'd like to take a look at my Pinterest board click HERE

Here are some examples of outfits that I have pinned:

    

Hopefully you get an idea from all that what sort of outfit and style I like.  I'm sure these aren't the height of fashion, but I really don't care, that's not something that's important to me. I just want to feel comfortable really, whilst also not drawing attention to myself as something the cat dragged in!

The next step I took in switching up my wardrobe was to start purchasing items.  Now as I mentioned before, I'm on a tight budget so I knew I couldn't go into actual shops and buy anything like this new, so my search began in the local charity shop.  I had an idea in my mind of what I was looking for and anything that vaguely fitted the bill in the charity shop, I would buy. It didn't matter too much if the items I bought ended up looking terrible or not fitting properly because they only cost me a pound or two, so not great loss, I could donate things back to charity and feel good about it at the end of the day.

Unfortunately however I wasn't always able to find what I was looking for in charity shops.  

Then someone mentioned the website Vinted to me so I decided to take a look and to my joy I was able to find exactly what I was looking for second hand (and sometimes brand new) at a fraction of the cost of the stuff in the shops (most of which I didn't like anyway!)

So this has been a whole new, exciting thing for me! I choose an outfit I pinned on Pinterest, then I look for each item or something similar on Vinted. I've picked up some real bargains, it's been brilliant and I've revamped my whole wardrobe for less than £100.

I will confess to you now that I did make one dirty purchase from Shein (I know, I know) but aside from that and some essentials that you can't but second hand (if you know what I mean) from ASDA, everything I've bought has been second hand either from charity shops or from Vinted or Ebay. 

Honestly it's been like opening up a whole new world of clothing for me and I've really enjoyed it.  Of course I've had some disappointments, where I've got things home from the charity shop and found they don't fit or look ridiculous, and a couple of things from Vinted which were too big or the colours weren't quite as expected, but apart form that it's been great and I highly recommend it.  The other thing that's great about buying second hand is that you can buy branded stuff for much less (you might not care, but I do think that some brands produce better quality clothes than others.  There is a whole lot of fast fashion items on Vinted so you do need to filter thought all that to get to the good stuff) and you can buy better quality materials for much less too.  Second hand wool and leather items are great buys on Vinted especially if you object ethically to buying these materials new.  No harm has been done to an animal by buying second hand wool jumpers or leather boots. I would argue in fact that this is much better for animals that buying plastic shoes and jumpers which will never degrade. 

So all in all my September joyful focus has been a great success, possibly my most successful joyful focus so far and definitely my most enjoyable.  

The best purchase for me was a cardigan that was the same as one I bought about 15 years ago.  It was a cardigan that I loved so much it was full of holes and coming apart.  I had looked a few times on ebay to find a replacement, but I had very little hope with it being over 15 years old.  Then one day to my absolute joy I found one on Vinted, same size and everything.  I can't tell you how happy I felt receiving that cardigan through the post, it was like going back in time and having my old cardigan back but brand new, it was like it hadn't been worn.  I am so pleased with this purchase, I bought another one that I found in a  different colour!  I've also bought a second pair of my favourite jeans. 

So if you feel like your wardrobe isn't bringing you joy I highly recommend this process of pinning styles you like on Pinterest then finding similar things second hand online, it's been a fun and really enjoyable process that I will definitely be carrying with me into the future. 

Here are a few terrible pics of some of my new clothes:

 

 

                        

    

    

Turning 40 - Why I'm not giving up on my dreams and neither should you

 In episode 1 of The Good Life, a 1970's sit-com based in Surbiton, England, following the story of the Goods, a couple who decide to quit the rat-race and try their hand at self-sufficiency, we see Tom Good turn 40.  

As a young 20 year old in her second year at University watching the series on VHS on my little TV in my bedroom, the Goods seemed ancient, but they inspired in me the seed of a dream that I had to one day become self sufficient myself.  If they could pick up at 40, living in a suburban house and become self-sufficient then I, with a whole twenty years extra time ahead of me, could easily achieve this dream.

Well now I'm 40 and I'm not self-sufficient.

What happened?  Well life happened, I had no house, no land to be self-sufficient on, so I had to get a job, I trained to become a teacher, got a mortgage (but not for a big house with land because who can afford that on a teachers income in Berkshire!?), I got married, then I had a child, then another, then two more, and now... here I am. In a house full of kids, no chickens, no goat, a few sad veg that grow as a testament to the little spark that still resides in my chest, waiting to be kindled into a flame. 

I'm pretty happy with my life though.  I think I have achieved some great things in my 40 years, things that I'm really proud of.  I've grown so much as a person through the trials and the joys that I have experienced over the years, they have embroidered many layers into my personality and identity, layers of wisdom, contentment, self-sacrifice, resilience and strength, and I've really enjoyed getting to know myself in deeper and more profound ways.  I'm proud of this person that I am, that I've become, that I am becoming. And not achieving my dream of self-sufficiency doesn't mean that I've lost anything or failed, it's just...well...life. It turned out differently than I imagined.  

I've had many adventures in my 40 years, which at the time I thought were side quests, distractions from my main goal of becoming self-sufficient, but in the end became THE quest.  Submitting to this quest has been one of the hardest and most joyful journeys of my life.  I never would have guessed all those years ago that self-sufficiency would become a side quest.  

In my defence though there are reasons my life did not exactly emulate the Goods, for one thing, unlike the Goods, my husband and I decided to have children.  Also, and I don't know if this is due to the economy now verses the 1970's or simply because of the children, but in episode 1 Tom reveals that they have paid off the mortgage. Imagine that!!  Being mortgage free at the age of 40.  Was that the norm back then?  (Please let me know in the comments if you know).  We still have a pretty substantial amount to pay off our mortgage which requires work, which means one less person for all the milking and growing, bartering, digging and egg collecting (and that one person has been pretty occupied by the child rearing!).  I also have a husband who does not share the self-sufficiency dream. Tom was quite easily able to persuade his wife Barbara that becoming self sufficient was a great idea, my husband isn't so keen.  

So what's to do?  Give up on the dream?  That's what most people do isn't it.  They decide, or perhaps realise that their dream isn't really their dream any more, or that in fact it isn't achievable, but I'm not ready to give up yet.  

The Goods became self-sufficient when they were in their 40s and so can I! (there is that slight issues of the mortgage needing paying for but let's put that to one side for now.)

At the moment my main quest, my mission is my children, home educating them and helping them become ready to be independent people in the world. 

But oh the side quests!!

Some days I wish I wasn't a person who had side quests, if only I could put aside all that and just be a mum, focus all my attention on that.  For some reason God didn't make me that way, He made me to have multiple interests all at once.  There's the Art side quest (that was once my main quest too), I love art, it is something that brings me so much joy and peace, expressing myself though paint is a rare but nourishing treat.  Then there is the writing side quest, I absolutely love writing, putting a message out there, encouraging others with my words, maybe even improving our income a little bit with various projects (stay tuned for the book I'm writing!), then there is the self-sufficiency side quest that I've already mentioned.  These days I prefer to call this "homesteading" which sounds terribly American, but like the American "Homemaker" over "Housewife" describes better what I am aiming for I think.  Self-sufficiency feels a bit like I want to cut myself off from community and I don't want that, I also feel it alludes to spiritual self-sufficiency which I also don't want. Homesteading is more about growing what we need, preserving that and using our skills to provide for ourselves or create a small income.   Of course my homesteading side quest is very meagre, my little garden of veggies, my efforts to make bread and other food from scratch, to forage what I can, to break away from the system that ties us into working "for the man"! But it gives me an extra sense of purpose, and fuels my rebellious side! 

I'm certain God is using me in all these ways to glorify him, (which is of course the quest that supersedes all other quests, along with loving God and loving others) I can't say I am certain how yet, maybe it's like one of those films or TV series which have multiple story lines all playing along at once that all converge at the end of the story in one extraordinary climax!!  

In episode 1 of The Good Life Barbara plays a record for Tom on his birthday, a song by Sophie Tucker, I played it for my husband's 40th birthday, you'll recognise the name it's called "Life begins at 40", you can listen to it here some of the lyrics are quite poignant, she says:

"Yes, life begins at forty

And I've just begun to live all over again

You see the sweetest things in life grow sweeter as the years roll on"

When I think about this, it does seem true that I have lived half my life and am beginning a second half now. I am done with having babies (very sadly as I'd love more) and the truth is that I am now facing the beginning of "middle age" I'll be thankful if I have another 40 years on earth, maybe I'll get more than that, like my grandpa who is approaching 100, or maybe I'll have fewer years like my dear mother-in-law who died aged just 70.  I don't know what the next decades will hold for me, I hope that Sophie Tucker is right and the sweetest things will get sweeter as the years roll on, but one thing is certain, I am not giving up on my dreams.  I am not giving up on my dream of homesteading, and I have no intention on giving up on any of my other side quests either, and I want to tell you that you also shouldn't give up on your dreams, it is never too late.

It's not too late to learn a new skill, to start writing a book, to learn a new language, to learn a new sport, to achieve a physical goal like running, losing weight or starting a new sport, it's not too late to learn to paint, to start a business, or fly a plane!  There is so much that can still be done, so many dreams that can still be fulfilled, it is never too late to set a new goal no matter how big or small.  

Vera Wang didn't design her first dress till she was 40, Stan Lee created his fort hit comic at age 39, and Laura Ingalls Wilder didn't publish her first Little House book till she was 65!  There are hundreds of people who have gone before us, paving the way, starting new dreams after middle age, if they can do it, so can I, and so can you!

Joyful Family - Creating a family culture of joy

I realise it is nearly the end of June and I am only now managing to share what my joyful focus has been for this month.  It has been an extremely challenging month for my family because we very sadly lost my dear mother-in-law after a long illness.    Her passing has taken a huge toll on us all and we are really hanging on by the skin of our teeth. It seems therefore, extra poignant that my word focus for June is "Joyful Family."

The Bible tells us in Thessalonians 5:16-18 to "Be joyful always, give thanks in all circumstances."  And I can tell you that it has been very hard to be joyful and thankful this month.  Our family hasn't been very joy filled. 

As many of you know my word for the year this year is "Joyful".  Having a word of the year helps        me to set goals and remain intentional and mindful as the day, weeks and months pass.  I find if I            don't have a focus like this I begin to stagnate and drift aimlessly through the year not achieving            anything, not growing as a person or maturing in my thoughts and actions.  Time seems to pass so        quickly when you are busy with little children, they constantly grow and change and are a visual      reminder that time is passing, so having a focus helps me slow things down, take notice and squeeze    as much juiciness out of life as possible!

May's focus was "joyful body", I confess I didn't make any great changes except from buying some new moisturiser and going for a handful of jogs, but the focus allowed me to think about what changes I want to make for my body and gave me a chance to think about my body, how it feels, what it needs, in order to start making small changes, that add up to big changes.  I have been thinking a lot about food recently, wanting to reduce processed food and eat better and about becoming more physically active, in many ways I haven't felt able to actually make the changes, I needed time to meditate on what a joyful body meant to me. But I am excited to start making actual physical changes now which I'm sure I'll share with you at some point.  I think that some changes we make in life have to happen over the period of many months, maybe even years, undoing habits and re-laying the rails as it were.  Big changes can take time and that's ok.  

So onto June.  This month my focus has been/is "Family".  A couple of weeks ago we enjoyed some quality time together on a much needed family holiday, although it has to be said it wasn't a relaxing holiday and I did come home feeling like I needed a holiday to recover from the holiday! The change was good though and being together for an intense period of time like that helps you understand each other a little better.  I had one moment walking on the beach, chatting with my eldest who is now 11, where I felt like I was walking with a friend.  That was a very encouraging feeling, and gave me hope that one day it won't be all correction and discipline and tolerating their noise and mess. 

Family is very important, one of the most important things in life I believe.  I know that is hard for some people to hear because many families are a disappointment to them or let their members down terribly, but I think it remains true, and I certainly see people who haven't got good family bonds working very hard to create great new families with their own children. 

I feel more and more like we do not live in a very family friendly society.  There is such a push to get women back to work after having babies with the lure of free childcare and the guilt associated with staying home.  I do not believe this is truly about money, I believe this is really about splitting up the family in order to divide a conquer as it were.  A family that is able to spend a lot of time together is a family that can develop, grow and nurture their own values, and family that is split is three or four directions for many hours of the day may result in individuals who take on society's values, or their friend's values, or their work-place's values and these aren't always compatible with the family, or, importantly for me, Christianity. Values such as selflessness, caring for the welfare of others over yourself, being content with what we have and being grateful for what we have, to give just a few examples. 

Our family has been through a lot over the past three years, we have faced many unexpected challenges, we don't always get along and we aren't always our best with each other but we love each other very much which is the most important thing and we are always trying to be better. 

There is always work that can be done to make family life more joyful, I decided to create an acronym to put up on the wall to remind our family of what attributes we value and strive for and to bring us all together:

                                                            The Jacksons are:

 

J – Joyful

A –Adventurous

C – Creative

K – Kind

S – Selfless

O – Optimistic

N – Noble

(It took a lot of strength not to write "noisy" for "N"!) Our Surname Jackson means "God is gracious" which is such a helpful meaning for our family. We definitely need God's grace in abundance!

Maybe you'd like to create an acronym for your family name which celebrates your ideal values and attributes. 

Finding moments of joy in everyday family life makes a big difference to your family culture.  Choosing to laugh at the little things that might otherwise be annoying, joining in with your children's games, entering into their world, making moments memorable by doing something different, or special and trying new things together can all help to nurture a culture of joy in your family.

Being mindful to nurture your family and work on making your family bonds stronger and closer is vital, not only for creating a joyful family for you and it's members to enjoy but for the rest of society as a whole. We know that the family is where we learn the fundamental skills for life, and that people who grow up in strong families are more likely to be happy, healthy and successful.  People from stable families have higher life expectancy, lower risk of mental health problems, lower engagement in crime and many other attributes which are beneficial to society as a whole. 

 Author Sally Clarkson says: "As a mother, you have the opportunity to form your home and family life in such a way that God's reality comes alive to your children each day."

Do not underestimate how important your work in building, growing and nurturing your family is. You are building a legacy which which be handed down through the generations and it's reach goes far beyond the walls of your home. 

So if you are having or have had hard times in your family, I want to encourage you to hang in there, keep working on it, keep striving for closeness, communication and love in your family.  And remember that joy is something you choose each and every day. 

This blog post is dedicated to my Mother-in-law, for whom family was most special.

Joyful Body

 As you know my word for the year this year is "Joyful", for the month of May I have decided to focus on working towards a joyful body.  

I cringe slightly at the word "body"; it feels fleshy and like restriction.  But this month isn't about criticising my post partum body or restricting my food intake to try and force my body to comply with beauty standards.  Yuck.  No, this month I am going to focus on nourishing my body, treating it like the gift from God that it is, treating it like it really is a temple for the Holy Spirit and a part of me that I want to last and be healthy for a long time. 

This month I will turn 40.  what an amazing gift to have lived to see 39 years, to have grey hairs on my head and a few unwanted hairs sprouting from my chin!  I love this bit in Diana Gabaldon's book "The Fiery Cross" where Jamie is admiring Claire's greying hair, he compares it to his mother's who, he says: ""...hadna one grey hair...[because she died young]...to see the years touch ye gives me joy Sassenach," he whispered, "for it means ye live."" My grey hairs too are a sign that I have had the privilege to live long enough to acquire them. The Bible even praises grey hair as "a crown of splendour, it is attained in the way of righteousness." (Proverbs 16:31.)And who would I be to argue with that?

I am so thankful to my body for what it has achieved over the past 39 years, grey hairs and all, especially the last 10 or so years of growing, birthing and breastfeeding babies.  I think it's in pretty good nick! But it needs a bit of a pamper, I have given a lot to others with my body and it feels right to spend some time giving back. 

But before I go into how I am going to create a "Joyful Body" in May I want to reflect on April, whose focus was "Joyful Home".  I feel like I already know what my word of the year for 2024 will be as I have felt like "home" is far too big for one month and it could easily be my focus for a whole year, it's been such a lovely thing to focus on.  My goals with "Joyful home" were to finish off some bits and pieces round the house that had been neglected and to work on improving the atmosphere by renewing our rhythms, routines and traditions.  I am pleased with some of the progress I made, but what I didn't get to work on was the atmosphere of the home, if anything it was worse this month than usual.  Bank holidays, extra days off work for my husband and too much chocolate definitely put the month out of whack, getting into good rhythms, inserting new traditions and spending time refining the atmosphere of our home felt like an impossibility, there were too may arguments, too much friction, too much screen time and too much overwhelm for me.   

However it wasn't a total loss as I did make improvements to the physical home that we live in.  I bought some frames and put up some beautiful Hannah Dunnett prints that I've had for a while, I ordered some photos from our old house to be printed and put them in a big frame that I bought before we moved, I emptied a couple of stale old boxes full of papers and other junk that I still hadn't unpacked from the move, I bought a new rug for the living room and I finished the dining room off.  Little things, but things that have been hanging over me and meaning to do for ages and I feel a sense of accomplishment in having achieved them.  I also had a bit of a spring clean, which, shall we just say, is ongoing, and I might even change the name to summer clean, or just all year round clean.  Cleaning seems never ending.  

So onto May and "Joyful Body".  First on my list of things-to-do is to purchase some multi vitamins, my poor neglected body hasn't had to benefit of multi vitamins since I was pregnant and it desperately needs some. I buy Pregnaplan from Cytoplan, not because I am pregnant but because I am breastfeeding so I still need to be careful about the quantities of some vitamins I am taking. Their vitamins are made from food so they are better absorbed into the body than synthetic alternatives, I don't get paid by them or anything I just like their vitamins.  I am also going to get some nice moisturiser, I used to use a lovely cream made from natural oils by a company called Akamuti, but in a bid to be frugal I have been using plain coconut oil,  I want to treat myself a bit so I am going to buy them again.  Again not paid just enjoy the product.

Obviously my diet needs an overhaul, we have been eating far too much processed food, and I am coming to believe that the main cause for ill health and overweight is processed foods and overuse of seed oils.  Just this weekend as a treat we bought some vegan squirty cream to top my scones and jam and I had a peek at the ingredients (maybe I shouldn't have!) The first ingredient is water, fine, second in ingredient is fully hydrogenated palm oil, third ingredient sugar, followed by a whole host of unpronounceable additives.  I think I probably won't ever eat this stuff again. It's not real food and I want real food.  I'm not sure what I will replace it with at this point but my goal is wholefoods because I know this is healthier and likely better for the environment. 

   

We have been trialling gluten free for the past two months in a bid to improve my one year olds skin which has been plagued by eczema almost since birth. His skin is currently hugely improved but gluten hasn't been our only change so I will add in the gluten this month and see where we are.  Being able to go back to eating gluten will improve our diets hugely because I have been relying on gluten free versions of our usual foods which of course means lots of additives.  Gluten free bread has about half the fibre, protein and carbohydrates of wholemeal bread per 100g so the nutritional benefits of eating wheat are clear.  I have not experienced any health benefits from cutting out gluten so I see no reason to continue restricting if my baby's skin remains healthy, and I'm looking forward to making my own bread again.

This poor body of mine is in dire need of some exercise, although I am always on the go, I haven't done any intentional exercise since I was about 12 weeks pregnant and I know it's time to start again.  I'd really like to start jogging again, I used to love it but had to stop because of back pain, but I would like to ease myself into it again and see how I do. I also need to get back into doing some stretches and exercises to improve my core, I feel like I have no muscle function at all in that area, when I bend over it feels like I am only using my back muscles to stand up again which is likely causing me back issues, so core exercises are another thing to do. All this I will find very challenging to squeeze into my schedule.  Home educating 4 boys takes up virtually all my time and I get very little free time, and this little I do get I usually spend doing what I am doing right now...writing. So carving out some extra time for exercise is going to be tricky but I will see what I can do. 

Seeing as my brain is a part of my body I probably ought to do something to improve that too. My poor old brain is very fuddled at the moment.  Possibly the hardest thing about being a parent and especially about having them home all the time, and especially about them all being boys (this is scientifically proven by the way, not gender stereotyping) is the high level of stress I experience for long stretches of time.  This isn't the kind of stress I used to experience as a teacher in a secondary school which was more pressure and time related.  This stress is to do with my brain constantly being made to believe that something dreadful has happened and it's a big emergency and I have to rush and save my children from a life threatening disaster.  Let me explain, I don't know if this is unique to boys, or unique to my boys, but they do very alarming things and make very alarming noises which signify either real or fabricated emergency.  Unfortunately my brain can't distinguish between the two so is almost constantly on high alert and is regularly being injected with cortisol and adrenaline thinking it is going to need to send my body into fight mode to rescue my children from some terrible foe, or some sort of horrible accident.  Sometimes it is a horrible accident or emergency, like a child jumping from a high height and breaking his foot, or accidentally cutting himself with a whittling knife, or getting himself so stuck in a tree that I have to saw a branch off, or disappearing in a busy public place (I could go on).  And sometimes it is fabricated such as one child won't let the other have the TV remote, or a fight breaks out on the trampoline, or someone doesn't like the dinner I made, or doesn't want to go to the group we are supposed to attend and they scream like they are being murdered. My brain can't tell the difference so is constantly stressed, there are studies that show mothers of boys are more likely to suffer from dementia in later life because of the higher level of stress that boys cause, (read about it here if you like) and since no one else is going to bother to take care of my brain health I need to do something now to protect it for later on. But what to do?  Well diet and exercise can mitigate some of the effects of stress, I think I also need to try and do some sort of meditation (cringe) and dedicate some time to prayer.  Again carving this time out in my busy day is going to be difficult but I need to try for the sake of my future health. 

  So I think that's about it for now, May is my favourite month of the year so I'm looking forward to taking care of myself a bit this month.  If you got this far, thank you for reading,  do you have a focus for your month?  What is your word of the year? How is it going?  Consider this your reminder to reflect on your word of the year, why you chose it and what you want from it and also don't forget to take some time to take care of yourself, you matter too in this busy life, you care better for others when you are well cared for yourself. 

 

Joyful Homeschool

I am certain that some British friends would wince at my use of the term "home school".  In the UK the term for teaching your children at home is "Home education".  Some people can become quite pedantic about not using the term "home school" because they say it implies school at home, which is, quite rightly what we are trying to get away from.   However I have found the term "home school" to be very useful.  It certainly rolls off the tongue more easily that "home education", and I have found that it is more easily understood by questioning strangers.  Funnily enough my children have taken to using "home school" to describe what we do in spite of my correcting them in the past. I think they simply find it easier to say and they find they are better understood.  

I think you'll agree that "joyful home school" has much more of a ring to it that "joyful home education".  My argument, like our American friends (who typically use the term "home school" in favour of "home education") is that in actual fact home school is not school-at-home.  The word school has several definitions, one of which is the place which children go to to receive an education,  this could be home could it not?  Similarly the word "schooled" as in "home schooled" simply means to receive an education.  So using the term "home school" certainly does not mean the replication of the institute of "school" at home. 

All that to say,  today I am talking about my word of the year "joyful"  and how I am going to be attempting to apply it to our home school (home education!).  

Before I begin I would like to take a moment to reflect on my February focus which was "Joyful Parenting".  I read "Yell Less, Love More"  By Sheila McCraith, and am about half way through "Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys" by Noel Janis-Norton.  I really enjoyed McCraith's book she is very honest and wears her heart on her sleeve which really helps you to feel a connection to her; it makes her very relatable.  I also enjoyed all her tips for yelling at your children less. She gives lots of ideas for strategies to use to get a handle on your yelling.  It is a fairly gentle approach to parenting and does ask her readers to examine what behaviours can be triggering, and how to manage them,  I like this idea more than the idea of having to spend time in counselling to supposedly overcome your triggers, learning to manage them is much more realistic.  However I have found that what you mostly need is a heck of a lot of self control to stop yourself from yelling, and what I really need more of are strategies to stop my children from doing things that cause me to yell.  This is where "Calmer, Easier, Happier Boys" by Noel Janis-Norton has been really useful.  I absolutely love her no-nonsense way of talking about children's behaviour, no messing about with talking about "big feelings", she quite honestly describers some behaviours as annoying (thank you!)  and gives really practical and achievable ways to help your children become less annoying!  I am about half way through this book and am already putting some of her techniques into practice, for example using praise (shocking!), more specifically descriptive praise ("I noticed you put your plate in the kitchen") rather than hyperbolic praise ("Oooh fantastic plate carrying!"), and reflective listening.  I am finding the reflective listening really helpful with my 6 year old he responds really well to it, but I often forget about the techniques and fall back into old habits of yelling, begging and coercing.  I also realise I also need to get my husband on board so that we can be a united front for things to really change.  There is still much to work on, and I will be continuing to hold "joyful parenting"  in my mind as I move into my March focus of "Joyful Home school".  

When I saw that I had chosen "Home school" to be the focus on this month I wanted to skip it, or switch it with something easier.  How on earth can I make our home school joyful? It really doesn't feel joyful right now.  The main problem is that my boys do not want to do anything that I suggest.  All they want to do is play with their friends or have their eyes on a screen.  Screens have become extremely problematic in our house in spite of me restricting them.  And I do believe strongly in restricting screen time (you can read my blog post about it if you like).  I don't believe children's brains are developed enough to be able to self regulate their screen time when it is, by nature so incredibly stimulating and addictive.  What is more, I do in fact have to give them an education.  I am obligated to by law.  I know that this can look very different to a school education, and I understand that some people who take an "Unschooling" approach to their children's education would encourage me to let them do what they like, (which I hear can include unlimited screen access), but I am just not the right personality to be able to do that.  It would cause me far too much anxiety.  Also I love learning and what I longed for when we decided to home educate was to share my love of learning with them; I want to show them all the beautiful things, all the art, all the music, amazing world history, astonishing geography, mind-blowing science, I want to show them the world, and I want them to share in my excitement about it all and I want to share in theirs.  So how can I do this without the tears, tantrums and repeated chants of "no," or "I'm not doing it," or "it's boring", or "I hate...(insert whatever it is I'm suggesting here...")?  The answer right now is that I don't know!  To be honest I really don't understand it because, as much as I hated school, I loved learning, I loved finding things out, drawing diagrams, writing descriptions, stories, being creative... Is it because I am Female and I'm just wired differently? I don't know, but something needs to change.

I have seen some people suggest that I could grab one of their interests and run with it.  For example, my boys are quite into Minecraft, and I have seen products online such as Minecraft Maths books for example.  Unfortunately my boys know from a mile away when I am trying to make something "educational", they're not that easily tricked!  

Likewise,  some have suggested that by letting them really get into the thing they are interested in, I might be facilitating for them to be then next amazing xbox game designer or coding expert.  However I would argue that in order to be a producer of something that requires creativity, a game designer for example, one needs to have a bank of experiences, images, sensations, art, understanding about the world etc in their hearts and minds to draw from in order to create something new and exciting.  I don't believe anyone ever created anything extraordinary from simply playing the old games day in day out.

What is more I quite simply don't want them glued to a screen every day.  I do not believe it is healthy, I do not believe it is nourishing or enriching and I do not believe it will help them to turn into good men who give something positive to the world.  I want to spend time with them, get to know them, share experiences with them and have opportunities for expanding their hearts and minds with new ideas and knowledge.  And I want them to experience all the good and beautiful things first hand. 

Talking to the boys, what they do seem to enjoy is field trips, though there is still a degree of resistance in leaving the house.  Unfortunately field trips can be expensive, they're tiring, and some things just can't be learnt through field trips alone.  They enjoy doing experiments, but again not everything can be learnt or experienced through an experiment.  

I want them to be free to enjoy their childhoods without the pressure that comes with a school education, but I also need to teach them maths, and how to write and spell and at the moment, this part is like pulling teeth! Help! I really have no clue what the answer is at the moment, so of course I am doing what any sensible person does in an unknown situation, I am going to buy books!  (My husband will be thrilled!) As March unfolds I will see how I can inject more joy into our home learning, and I'll report back here so you can find out how it went! 

I really believe home education can be a joyful experience for both me and my children, at least 90% of the time, that's the goal.  Joyful home school here we come!

Word of the year for 2023

Well hello there, long time no see!

2022 has, in one word been nuts.  Utterly mad, chaotic and crazy.  I had a baby and that's pretty much all you need to know. 

My word for 2022 was grace.  I was to give myself grace on parenting, art, creativity, home ed, my home, and I did.  Giving myself grace was supposed to mean forgiving myself when I couldn't achieve everything that I wanted to,  grace was supposed to mean forgiving myself when I did not achieve perfection, and it was supposed to mean resting in the moment rather than frantically trying to do everything. Grace did all these things for me, whenever I started feeling like I wasn't doing enough, wasn't good enough I reminded myself that this year I would give myself grace.  2021 was a stinker, bad pregnancy, covid, my husband nearly dying, and numerous hospital visits, slow progress on our house and umpteen other unfortunately events meant I was all out of energy and motivation.  Grace was what a needed for 2022. 

And I did indeed give myself grace, I gave myself grace in abundance, I totally and utterly clocked off from trying, the grace I was giving myself started mean that I became a bit lazy, I started to give myself excuses for doing the things that I should have been, could have been and wanted to be doing. For much of the year grace ended up meaning not trying too hard at anything. And in the end this was not the goal.  

Although I did feel a degree of peace in not putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, I have ended up looking back and feeling like the year still very stressful and chaotic and I've ended up feeling a little bit disappointed with myself, and and that's not a nice feeling.

It was back in November that I realised the word I needed for 2023.  It had been in my mind since my baby was born at the end of December 2021.  Joyful.  He was born at home about 20 minutes before the paramedics and midwives arrived, just me and my husband and it was perfect.  When he was born I felt the most exquisite joy wash over me and I began to laugh! His name means joyful. 

Unfortunately thinks went bad after that, and joy wasn't something I could access for quite a while.  

But I am so ready for joyful in 2023, and I'm excited to find out how I can make all aspects of my life joyful.  I'm going to explore joyful eating, joyful dressing, joyful home school, joyful marriage and joyful parenting to name just a few.  

As I prepare for the year ahead I have been turning to the Bible to inform how joyfulness can influence my year and there are two things that strike me most.  First, joy comes from Christ and second joy in not dependant on circumstances. I will talk more about this in the year, but those two factors are going to be infused into every aspect of my word of the year and I'm really excited to experience the year unfolding with joy at the heart. 

Do you have a word of the year?  I'd love to hear what it is a why.