Social Media Fast - my 40 days offline

 It's Lent!

This is a special time of year for some Christians as we prepare to celebrate Jesus' death and resurrection on Good Friday followed by Easter. 

This time of preparation was traditionally used as a time of fasting, remembering Jesus' 40 days and nights in the desert where he fasted from food and drink and was tested by the devil. 

Since the 300's AD people fasted during lent, and later people would fast from foods like eggs, milk and butter, which is why we make pancakes on Shrove Tuesday, to use up these items. 

This Lent I am fasting from sugar and social media, and I want to tell you that so far, just under two weeks in, it has been wonderful.  Some might say I am a bit of a cheat thought because I do indulge in these two vices on Sundays.  Lent is, after all 40 days and nights EXCLUDING Sundays, because on Sundays we celebrate the risen Christ.  I have been using two really good devotionals to help me remain focused and committed to the fast, the first is called Celtic Lent, 40 days of devotions to Easter by David Cole, and the second is called The 40-day Social Media Fast by Wendy Speake. 

I don't want to lecture you about the benefits of giving up sugar, the benefits are pretty well documented (Wendy Speake has also written a 40-day devotional for quitting sugar), what I will tell you thought is that my once a week indulgence of sugar on Sundays is revealing to me how unpleasant an effect sugar actually has on my body.  I can't deny the biscuits, syrup soaked pancakes, Turkish delight and cake have tasted delicious, but I could really do without the sluggish, jittery, dizzy, headachy spell I get afterwards. So far my Sundays have been especially unproductive (aside from writing this blog post of course which is fuelled by an especially delicious pistachio flavoured Turkish delight!) Housework and planning have gone out the window as I have stumbled round the house, face buried in my phone, wondering where I put my cup of tea and trying to pull myself together enough to do something productive. 

Needless to say I hope to persist with abstaining from sugar after Lent is over and continue to benefit from the reduction in sugar spikes, the clearer head and the genuine energy to do things around the house that fasting from sugar has generated. 

What I really want to talk about is my break from social media, not so much what I have gained from not going on, which has been a great deal including more time for reading and looking my children in the face, but more especially what I am NOT missing out on. 

Before Lent I am ashamed to say that I was likely addicted to social media, it was an excellent distraction and diversion from the stresses of home educating four wild boys, staring at Facebook videos, one after the other in an endless reel was a hypnotising, dopamine stimulating, but cortisol inducing way of escaping from life.  I was like a chain smoker who couldn't resist picking up the next cigarette and lighting up, before I knew it I spent an hour lying in bed watching reel after reel, resulting in an even later night (and tired-er morning) as I lay awake for a further hour, overstimulated and unable to sleep. 

Thankfully, unlike withdrawing from drugs alcohol or cigarettes I have suffered from almost no withdrawal effects. For a few days I was compulsively checking my phone for updates and notifications, I still check my phone for messages but its much less often habitually, and I often go several hours without realising I haven't checked my phone. Now, only 12 days later I am not checking nearly as often. 

What I had come to realise before I made my break from social media is that it is almost wholly toxic and bad for us. 

There are of course some benefits, such as finding out about home education and church events, and being able to ask people for help of different subjects, connecting with other people.  This is of course what sold us all on social media to begin with, connection, but for me, that became a much less used resource than the video reels. So, I'm not saying that social media is all bad, but it had become very unhealthy for me. 

I wasn't just watching reels on Facebook, I was also watching reels on Instagram and twitter and spending significant amounts of time reading posts and comments on Twitter.  Thankfully I have never engaged with Tiktok so have not had to deal with that monster. 

I'd say that Instagram was the least toxic of these, the algorithms generally showed me aspirational posts, home education, homesteading and home making ideas.  With these sorts of posts there is always the risk of comparison, the "grass is always greener on the other side" feeling, but generally speaking there wasn't too much horrific content.  I do sometimes fall victim to felling not-as-good-as the women who seem to have perfect lives, but I have enough sense to know that oftentimes we aren't seeing the full picture.

Facebook also has generally inoffensive algorithms, they were much less relevant to me, funny kitten videos, people falling from things, hyper speed cleaning videos, that sort of thing.

By a long shot Twitter was the most toxic.  There were two main types of post that I was being show, first, posts which would provoke me to anger, such as those with an anti-Christian, anti-woman, anti-child message, and second, posts which would shock, upset or disgust.  The algorithms were wild, showing me things I had never searched for, not would ever want to.  I have seen an awful lot of things on twitter that I wish I had never seen, to give you a flavour, I have seen people who were almost certainly being killed, dead babies, women with severe anorexia, images of self-harm, broken limbs and actual p8rn. What is most worrying is that essentially a child could see these things.  As I said, I never searched for any of this content, it was what Twitter decided to show me.

A friend told me recently that this difference between Instagram and Twitter is more common knowledge than I had thought, apparently a post search for "France" or "French" on Instagram would show pleasant photos of baguettes in bike baskets, the pretty Parisian women in front of the Eiffel tower, beautiful French landscapes, delicious food and of course manicures (at least Instagram knows I am a woman!) whereas an equivalent search on twitter would show posts and photos of angry protests, rioting and posts with a generally negative tone.  I did this search myself and found it to be generally true the only thing they had in common was football (obviously the algorithms don't know me THAT well!) The comments section on Twitter is by far the worst place and where I saw the most disgusting, debased content. 

I haven't been able to manage this very well as an adult, I have found myself feeling deeply disturbed, upset, angry, agitated and repulsed by some of the things I have seen, and I'd like to remind you that I have never searched for any of this content.  I am certain that if I had the wherewithal I might have been able to change settings so that I saw less disturbing content, but my point is, children might be seeing this. Children. 

It is hard enough as an adult with a fully developed brain, to extract myself from the endless scrolling.  The videos and images are so stimulating and provoke such an addictive response in the brain that it can be very hard to put down your phone and step away from it. They are designed to be like this, to keep us coming back. If social media becomes an addiction, UK Addiction Treatment Centres says that:

"An addict [social media] will rely on their device compulsively to satisfy a particular need, dependant on social media to feel balanced and functional.  This is because social media use activates those same reward pathways that are triggered when using an addictive substance, such as drugs or alcohol.

When we spend time on social media platforms, our brain releases small bursts of dopamine, as if to reward us for such a pleasurable activity. Experiencing this neurological response can push us to take part in that behaviour again, using social media to seek instant and constant gratification wherever we are."

If social media is so potentially addictive for an adult imagine how much more so it might be for a child. 

What is more the content itself is potentially harmful.  For example seeing pro-anorexia content has been shown to trigger anorexia in those at risk of or recovering from anorexia. There is also evidence that viewing self-harm increases self-harm, and that watching footage of violence can increase aggression even in children. 

Because of the unfiltered nature of social media, which, unlike television has very little in the way of editing and regulation, the risk of seeing harmful imagery is high unless restrictions are in place. 

You can see therefore that I am really not missing anything positive from being absent from social media, and I am benefitting from missing a great deal of nasty and unpleasant stuff.  One weird thing I have noticed since going media-free has been that I have been so so tired!  I have concluded that prior to lent my brain was essentially running purely on sugar and dopamine hits and hyper stimulation from social media.  The screen would keep me up late at night with its over-stimulating and troubling viewing, and in the morning, I'd be so tired, I'd need a boost of social media, with it's dopamine hits to switch my brain back on.  However because now I am feeling my tiredness, I am going to bed earlier and getting more sleep. 

It's worth mentioning that social media use has been shown to also increase the stress hormone cortisol, according to behavioural health experts:

"Too much time on social media increases stress levels, and levels of the stress hormone cortisol and adrenaline.  The more you engage in doomscrolling, the more cortisol and adrenaline are released in your brain and body.  This leads to more stress and both mental and physical exhaustion."

It has been a great relief for me to extract myself from all this harmful content, as well as the constant diet of dopamine and cortisol in unhealthy and inappropriately timed amounts.  It has freed me to dig into lots of books, has opened my spirit to more prayer and bible study, turned my face and heart towards my children, turn my body towards housework and even start tackling the growing to-do list.  

I'd like to conclude this post by saying that I'll never become addicted to social media again, that I'm going to use my self-control to only use it appropriately, but I am worried that I won't be able to resist the temptation to scroll once Lent is over.  I really don't want to get into those bad habits.  This post will have to be a "to be continued" type of post and we will have to wait and see, though probably I'll be too ashamed to mention it if I do get sucked back in. Please do message me if you have any tricks or tips of staying free from social media.

Have you given up anything for Lent? Have you given up social media or sugar? How are you finding it? Let me know. 

Word of the year 2024

 Hi friends,

A belated Happy New Year to you all.  

I love the new start that the new year brings.  I know some people feel that winter is the worst time to begin a new habit, or break an old one, but for me it is the perfect time.  We are passed the shortest day, the evenings are beginning to get lighter, I have seen blossom in a hedgerow and a lamb in a field, it feels like spring is just around the corner, even on the bitterest of frosty days. Hope is in the air.

For many years now I have chosen a "word of the year" to inspire and motivate me, to give me a focus and to help me be more intentional in my goals, choices and with my time.  You may recall last years word was "Joyful"; and if you have been following my blog you might have read my monthly posts where I shared a monthly focus.  These monthly focuses really helped me make progress throughout the year and keep my "word of the year" in the forefront of my mind.  This year I have a new word and a new approach and I hope that me sharing about it here with you might encourage you to choose a "word of the year" for yourself, it's not too late!  It also might encourage you to head over to my Patreon where I recently shared a guide to choosing a "word of the year" for yourself as well as some artwork that you can print and display your "word of the year" on.  

So I am sure you're wondering what my word of the year is this year.  I had been thinking for a while before new years about this word and how it was something I really needed in my life.  It comes off the back of a joyful, but extremely busy and at times stressful year, as well as a year of being sucked more and more into social media based distractions.  I was especially inspired by a post I saw on Instagram by Ancestrally Rooted Mother encouraging us to rest.  

My instant reaction was to think "well how can I possibly do that when I am so busy all the time?"  and Emily very generously responded with this answer: 

Oh, this is a great question! And for me, the answer has been pretty multifaceted and somewhat hard to swallow. First, "the answer" will depend on what is going on in your life. I've had to get honest with myself about what I'm doing to be so busy and why I'm doing it. Sometimes we have things we are doing because we need to and sometimes those things make us busier than we want. But, I've gotten pretty ruthless about the extras. I have a garden and chickens -that's it. Also, I've been leaning more into the community I have available to me - the paid and unpaid. I'm making sacrifices in the things I want to do to make room for building community. We try to do too much alone. And I try to make the activities more restful. Rest doesn't have to equal idle. For me, that has meant getting off my smartphone. I only listen to podcasts occasionally vs all the time. As hard as it is, doing dishes and just doing dishes feels more restful than doing dishes while trying to shove more information in my brain. Lastly, sometimes all I can do is rest in knowledge of what should be. Some years I've had to work more and I've had to just be ok with that. I find the knowledge that I should be resting more restful. And helps me be gentler with myself when I can't keep up or just power through. 

Because of this response I chose REST as my "word of the year".  The mindset communicated by Emily in her reply helped me to form an attitude towards how REST can inform my year and has helped me think about how I can make it work in practical terms. 

I also have to give a shout out to my sister, who, when I told her I was going to be doing a "word of the year" workshop with my good friend Vicki to help me choose my word told me in no uncertain terms that it should be REST! 

For a home educating mother of four children who continues to pile more and more upon her plate you might be thinking that REST was a foolish word to choose for 2024, I am quite obviously a busy person, so what REST looks like for me might not be what REST looks like for other people.  

It might not, for example mean lots of sitting down.  It might not mean spending a lot of time alone or on self-care, and it certainly won't mean lots of long hot bubble baths!

Here is what REST has meant for me so far in 2024:

• Allowing my mind to rest when I breastfeed the baby by reading the Bible or a book  rather than scrolling social media,

• Being present and allowing my mind to rest and wander when cooking or going to the toilet rather than filling my mind with noise from podcasts and YouTube videos,

• Beginning my day in a restful way by preparing for the day and enjoying a book during breakfast rather than scrolling on social media the minute I wake up,

• Ending my day in a restful way at a decent hour and with a book rather than social media,

• Recognising that it is ok to just sit down and rest, I do not have to justify resting my body by trying to do something else whilst I sit down, or feeling like I only deserve a rest once I have completed a million and one tasks,

• Allowing my body to rest by stopping eating at 8pm so my body can have time to heal and repair by resting from digestion at night,

• Creating a restful, less stressful life by planning and organising my time and creating a meal plan so I am not having to live reactively all the time, which is stressful,

• Recognising that I don't have to do all-the-things and a rich and joyful life doesn't necessarily come from filling our time with activities,
• And most importantly, resting in the Lord by passing my burdens onto Him through prayer and remembering that I don't need to worry or stress about my life because he has it in hand. 

Resting in the Lord it the most important aspect of REST this year and I am remembering these Bible verses to encourage me on my journey of restfulness this year: 

Truly my soul finds rest in God;
my salvation comes from him.
Truly he is my rock and my salvation;
he is my fortress, I will never be shaken.  (Psalm 62:1-2)

Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.(Matthew 11:28-30)

I'm also informing my year by remembering that God thought rest was important by giving us a whole day on which to rest: "By the seventh day God had finished the work he had been doing; so on the seventh day he rested from all his work.  Then God blessed the seventh day and made it holy, because on it he rested from all the work of creating that he had done." (Genesis 2:2-3) And in Exodus 20:8-10 the Bible tells us: "Remember the Sabbath day and keep it Holy, Six days you shall labour and do all your work.  But the seventh day is a sabbath to the Lord your God; you shall not do any work." Also that His son Jesus sought rest.  If Jesus needed rest them how much more surely must we?

I really hope that by the end of this year I can look back and feel less stressed and worn out, that by practicing leaning into the Lord and searching out Him for spiritual rest, I will find myself refreshed, renewed and energised and that I have an attitude of restfulness rather than busyness. 

Friends, please tell me what your word of the year is for 2024, I'd love to hear. 

Joyful Friendships and Joyful self care - being intentional about experiencing joy

 Aware that the year is coming to an end and that I am two months behind on my posts about my joyful year I have implored myself to open up my laptop and get to work telling you about my joyful focuses for October and November.

As you may remember every year I choose a "word of the year" which acts as a focus and motivation to shape the year ahead.  I use the word to inform my attitude and my actions and I try to think about it's meaning and context in my life. 

Each month of this year I have focused on a different aspect of my life and how "joyful" can influence that part of my life.  In October I chose "friendship" as my monthly focus.  

For a while I had been in a bit of a dark place with regards to friendships, still mourning the loss of some of my closest friends when we moved across the country, and still others moving away, I was starting to feel like no one liked me or my children and I ended up closing ourselves in a bit.  I made it seem like we were busy with other things, but we weren't busy, I was just sad and lonely, and feeling like I wasn't a likable person.  

Luckily (by the grace of God) I decided to claw my way out of this hole I have got myself into, rather than languishing and becoming depressed, and change my mindset and attitude.  I decided to put myself out there again and work harder on my friendships.  I wanted to experience joyfulness in my friendships.

So I committed to going to our groups and meetups whenever we could instead of making excuses and I arranged some meet ups with old friends.  Just the action of doing these things really helped and gave me joy.  Seeing people, making connections and talking to other women all helped me feel better about myself and my capacity for being a good friend to others as well as drawing good friends to me. 

The climax of the month was the Baptism of my two youngest children.  We invited the Godparents who are good friends of ours, some other friends and family and had an absolutely wonderful afternoon together, it warmed my heart so much to be with such special people who had all come to encourage and support us. It was so special. 

November brought a self-care focus.  Self-care is something I am notoriously bad at. I find that there is a little part of my brain which likes to be a martyr and as such feels a strange sense of righteousness in wearing myself to the bone.  Clearly this is not good, it's not what God wants, it's not righteousness at all.  So I made small changes to that in November.  

Self-care is a difficult thing for mothers as so much of our lives require sacrifice for others, it is easy to believe that we don't deserve self-care, or that it is selfish.  But we all know it is important because it helps us be the best versions of ourselves which is what our family deserves. It's a win-win situation.  

The climax of my "Joyful self-care" focus was a visit to "Float in the Forest" which is a flotation tank centre near me.  My sister-in-law bought me a voucher for my birthday and I finally cashed it in.  I spent a blissful hour floating in the dark in a pod of very salty water and took myself out to lunch afterwards where I sat in a café reading a book, eating a delicious lunch and feeling very much like Carrie Bradshaw! It felt so good to spoil myself and really relax.  

 

One of the things I realised over the past two months of joyful focuses is that to have a more joyful life takes intention.  It hasn't just happened because I said the word, it's taken action from me, it's taken work, commitment and planning.  I had to plan my date with myself at the floatation centre, I had to organise the Baptism, I had to make the decision to join meet ups and actually go there.  This year "Joyful" has been my rudder but I have still had to paddle the boat forwards. 

Now we are in December and I am focusing on my family enjoying a "Joyful Christmas".  I'll be sad that this word-of-the-year has ended because it's been so wonderful, but I will reflect on that another day. 

Joyful wardrobe - wearing clothes that bring you joy

 October is here and I've already begun a new joyful focus, but I'm here to reflect on my joyful focus of September with you right now, which was "Joyful Wardrobe". 

As many of you know each year I choose a "word of the year" this years word is "Joyful" and each month I've had a different focus which relates to this word, I've explored all sorts of aspects of joy in my life so far this year from family to my body to home education and more. This months focus probably sounds terribly frivolous, but it's an aspect of my life that was sucking joy before. 

I had found myself in a real rut when it came to clothing.  I had a few items that I loved and I had worn absolutely to death and I had filled in the gaps with hoodies and jogging bottoms.  It was getting to the point where I literally had nothing to wear that didn't have holes or was made from jersey!  I was feeling pretty down about my wardrobe and not really knowing what to do to improve it. Part of the problem related to having been pregnant or breastfeeding for so long, so maternity clothes or clothes adapted or otherwise suitable for breastfeeding have been my mainstay (I'm still breastfeeding so I still had to take this into account) and also just generally feeling unattractive and frumpy in whatever I wore.  I'd pretty much given up hope of looking nice. 

I had no idea what to wear, no idea what I liked, not much in the way of a budget to spend on new stuff and a deep dislike for clothes shopping! 

I really do despise shopping in clothes shops, I don't know what it is about the mirrors or the lighting but I always find myself feeling fat and ugly in shop mirrors, add to this the time pressures (must get back to the car before the ticket runs out, or back home before the baby freaks out or before whoever is looking after them needs relief) size and colour options and I have found myself standing in a shop totally overwhelmed hating life!

Not a good starting point!

But not one to be put off I was determined that I was going to do something about my wardrobe so I began to add to a board I started a few years ago on Pinterest, pinning outfits that I had seen online and liked.  I called this board "finding my style" and it has really helped me to work out what I actually like.  My board now has nearly 300 pins to inspire me in my search for my own fashion tastes and styles.  

I am not the sort of person to follow fashion, I never have.  For one thing I've never really been able to afford it, and for another I'd much rather wear styles that suit my body shape and personality than styles that are on trend.  So if you're thinking that this post might help you be on trend then you'll be disappointed!

If you'd like to take a look at my Pinterest board click HERE

Here are some examples of outfits that I have pinned:

    

Hopefully you get an idea from all that what sort of outfit and style I like.  I'm sure these aren't the height of fashion, but I really don't care, that's not something that's important to me. I just want to feel comfortable really, whilst also not drawing attention to myself as something the cat dragged in!

The next step I took in switching up my wardrobe was to start purchasing items.  Now as I mentioned before, I'm on a tight budget so I knew I couldn't go into actual shops and buy anything like this new, so my search began in the local charity shop.  I had an idea in my mind of what I was looking for and anything that vaguely fitted the bill in the charity shop, I would buy. It didn't matter too much if the items I bought ended up looking terrible or not fitting properly because they only cost me a pound or two, so not great loss, I could donate things back to charity and feel good about it at the end of the day.

Unfortunately however I wasn't always able to find what I was looking for in charity shops.  

Then someone mentioned the website Vinted to me so I decided to take a look and to my joy I was able to find exactly what I was looking for second hand (and sometimes brand new) at a fraction of the cost of the stuff in the shops (most of which I didn't like anyway!)

So this has been a whole new, exciting thing for me! I choose an outfit I pinned on Pinterest, then I look for each item or something similar on Vinted. I've picked up some real bargains, it's been brilliant and I've revamped my whole wardrobe for less than £100.

I will confess to you now that I did make one dirty purchase from Shein (I know, I know) but aside from that and some essentials that you can't but second hand (if you know what I mean) from ASDA, everything I've bought has been second hand either from charity shops or from Vinted or Ebay. 

Honestly it's been like opening up a whole new world of clothing for me and I've really enjoyed it.  Of course I've had some disappointments, where I've got things home from the charity shop and found they don't fit or look ridiculous, and a couple of things from Vinted which were too big or the colours weren't quite as expected, but apart form that it's been great and I highly recommend it.  The other thing that's great about buying second hand is that you can buy branded stuff for much less (you might not care, but I do think that some brands produce better quality clothes than others.  There is a whole lot of fast fashion items on Vinted so you do need to filter thought all that to get to the good stuff) and you can buy better quality materials for much less too.  Second hand wool and leather items are great buys on Vinted especially if you object ethically to buying these materials new.  No harm has been done to an animal by buying second hand wool jumpers or leather boots. I would argue in fact that this is much better for animals that buying plastic shoes and jumpers which will never degrade. 

So all in all my September joyful focus has been a great success, possibly my most successful joyful focus so far and definitely my most enjoyable.  

The best purchase for me was a cardigan that was the same as one I bought about 15 years ago.  It was a cardigan that I loved so much it was full of holes and coming apart.  I had looked a few times on ebay to find a replacement, but I had very little hope with it being over 15 years old.  Then one day to my absolute joy I found one on Vinted, same size and everything.  I can't tell you how happy I felt receiving that cardigan through the post, it was like going back in time and having my old cardigan back but brand new, it was like it hadn't been worn.  I am so pleased with this purchase, I bought another one that I found in a  different colour!  I've also bought a second pair of my favourite jeans. 

So if you feel like your wardrobe isn't bringing you joy I highly recommend this process of pinning styles you like on Pinterest then finding similar things second hand online, it's been a fun and really enjoyable process that I will definitely be carrying with me into the future. 

Here are a few terrible pics of some of my new clothes:

 

 

                        

    

    

Joyful Body

 As you know my word for the year this year is "Joyful", for the month of May I have decided to focus on working towards a joyful body.  

I cringe slightly at the word "body"; it feels fleshy and like restriction.  But this month isn't about criticising my post partum body or restricting my food intake to try and force my body to comply with beauty standards.  Yuck.  No, this month I am going to focus on nourishing my body, treating it like the gift from God that it is, treating it like it really is a temple for the Holy Spirit and a part of me that I want to last and be healthy for a long time. 

This month I will turn 40.  what an amazing gift to have lived to see 39 years, to have grey hairs on my head and a few unwanted hairs sprouting from my chin!  I love this bit in Diana Gabaldon's book "The Fiery Cross" where Jamie is admiring Claire's greying hair, he compares it to his mother's who, he says: ""...hadna one grey hair...[because she died young]...to see the years touch ye gives me joy Sassenach," he whispered, "for it means ye live."" My grey hairs too are a sign that I have had the privilege to live long enough to acquire them. The Bible even praises grey hair as "a crown of splendour, it is attained in the way of righteousness." (Proverbs 16:31.)And who would I be to argue with that?

I am so thankful to my body for what it has achieved over the past 39 years, grey hairs and all, especially the last 10 or so years of growing, birthing and breastfeeding babies.  I think it's in pretty good nick! But it needs a bit of a pamper, I have given a lot to others with my body and it feels right to spend some time giving back. 

But before I go into how I am going to create a "Joyful Body" in May I want to reflect on April, whose focus was "Joyful Home".  I feel like I already know what my word of the year for 2024 will be as I have felt like "home" is far too big for one month and it could easily be my focus for a whole year, it's been such a lovely thing to focus on.  My goals with "Joyful home" were to finish off some bits and pieces round the house that had been neglected and to work on improving the atmosphere by renewing our rhythms, routines and traditions.  I am pleased with some of the progress I made, but what I didn't get to work on was the atmosphere of the home, if anything it was worse this month than usual.  Bank holidays, extra days off work for my husband and too much chocolate definitely put the month out of whack, getting into good rhythms, inserting new traditions and spending time refining the atmosphere of our home felt like an impossibility, there were too may arguments, too much friction, too much screen time and too much overwhelm for me.   

However it wasn't a total loss as I did make improvements to the physical home that we live in.  I bought some frames and put up some beautiful Hannah Dunnett prints that I've had for a while, I ordered some photos from our old house to be printed and put them in a big frame that I bought before we moved, I emptied a couple of stale old boxes full of papers and other junk that I still hadn't unpacked from the move, I bought a new rug for the living room and I finished the dining room off.  Little things, but things that have been hanging over me and meaning to do for ages and I feel a sense of accomplishment in having achieved them.  I also had a bit of a spring clean, which, shall we just say, is ongoing, and I might even change the name to summer clean, or just all year round clean.  Cleaning seems never ending.  

So onto May and "Joyful Body".  First on my list of things-to-do is to purchase some multi vitamins, my poor neglected body hasn't had to benefit of multi vitamins since I was pregnant and it desperately needs some. I buy Pregnaplan from Cytoplan, not because I am pregnant but because I am breastfeeding so I still need to be careful about the quantities of some vitamins I am taking. Their vitamins are made from food so they are better absorbed into the body than synthetic alternatives, I don't get paid by them or anything I just like their vitamins.  I am also going to get some nice moisturiser, I used to use a lovely cream made from natural oils by a company called Akamuti, but in a bid to be frugal I have been using plain coconut oil,  I want to treat myself a bit so I am going to buy them again.  Again not paid just enjoy the product.

Obviously my diet needs an overhaul, we have been eating far too much processed food, and I am coming to believe that the main cause for ill health and overweight is processed foods and overuse of seed oils.  Just this weekend as a treat we bought some vegan squirty cream to top my scones and jam and I had a peek at the ingredients (maybe I shouldn't have!) The first ingredient is water, fine, second in ingredient is fully hydrogenated palm oil, third ingredient sugar, followed by a whole host of unpronounceable additives.  I think I probably won't ever eat this stuff again. It's not real food and I want real food.  I'm not sure what I will replace it with at this point but my goal is wholefoods because I know this is healthier and likely better for the environment. 

   

We have been trialling gluten free for the past two months in a bid to improve my one year olds skin which has been plagued by eczema almost since birth. His skin is currently hugely improved but gluten hasn't been our only change so I will add in the gluten this month and see where we are.  Being able to go back to eating gluten will improve our diets hugely because I have been relying on gluten free versions of our usual foods which of course means lots of additives.  Gluten free bread has about half the fibre, protein and carbohydrates of wholemeal bread per 100g so the nutritional benefits of eating wheat are clear.  I have not experienced any health benefits from cutting out gluten so I see no reason to continue restricting if my baby's skin remains healthy, and I'm looking forward to making my own bread again.

This poor body of mine is in dire need of some exercise, although I am always on the go, I haven't done any intentional exercise since I was about 12 weeks pregnant and I know it's time to start again.  I'd really like to start jogging again, I used to love it but had to stop because of back pain, but I would like to ease myself into it again and see how I do. I also need to get back into doing some stretches and exercises to improve my core, I feel like I have no muscle function at all in that area, when I bend over it feels like I am only using my back muscles to stand up again which is likely causing me back issues, so core exercises are another thing to do. All this I will find very challenging to squeeze into my schedule.  Home educating 4 boys takes up virtually all my time and I get very little free time, and this little I do get I usually spend doing what I am doing right now...writing. So carving out some extra time for exercise is going to be tricky but I will see what I can do. 

Seeing as my brain is a part of my body I probably ought to do something to improve that too. My poor old brain is very fuddled at the moment.  Possibly the hardest thing about being a parent and especially about having them home all the time, and especially about them all being boys (this is scientifically proven by the way, not gender stereotyping) is the high level of stress I experience for long stretches of time.  This isn't the kind of stress I used to experience as a teacher in a secondary school which was more pressure and time related.  This stress is to do with my brain constantly being made to believe that something dreadful has happened and it's a big emergency and I have to rush and save my children from a life threatening disaster.  Let me explain, I don't know if this is unique to boys, or unique to my boys, but they do very alarming things and make very alarming noises which signify either real or fabricated emergency.  Unfortunately my brain can't distinguish between the two so is almost constantly on high alert and is regularly being injected with cortisol and adrenaline thinking it is going to need to send my body into fight mode to rescue my children from some terrible foe, or some sort of horrible accident.  Sometimes it is a horrible accident or emergency, like a child jumping from a high height and breaking his foot, or accidentally cutting himself with a whittling knife, or getting himself so stuck in a tree that I have to saw a branch off, or disappearing in a busy public place (I could go on).  And sometimes it is fabricated such as one child won't let the other have the TV remote, or a fight breaks out on the trampoline, or someone doesn't like the dinner I made, or doesn't want to go to the group we are supposed to attend and they scream like they are being murdered. My brain can't tell the difference so is constantly stressed, there are studies that show mothers of boys are more likely to suffer from dementia in later life because of the higher level of stress that boys cause, (read about it here if you like) and since no one else is going to bother to take care of my brain health I need to do something now to protect it for later on. But what to do?  Well diet and exercise can mitigate some of the effects of stress, I think I also need to try and do some sort of meditation (cringe) and dedicate some time to prayer.  Again carving this time out in my busy day is going to be difficult but I need to try for the sake of my future health. 

  So I think that's about it for now, May is my favourite month of the year so I'm looking forward to taking care of myself a bit this month.  If you got this far, thank you for reading,  do you have a focus for your month?  What is your word of the year? How is it going?  Consider this your reminder to reflect on your word of the year, why you chose it and what you want from it and also don't forget to take some time to take care of yourself, you matter too in this busy life, you care better for others when you are well cared for yourself. 

 

Word of the year for 2023

Well hello there, long time no see!

2022 has, in one word been nuts.  Utterly mad, chaotic and crazy.  I had a baby and that's pretty much all you need to know. 

My word for 2022 was grace.  I was to give myself grace on parenting, art, creativity, home ed, my home, and I did.  Giving myself grace was supposed to mean forgiving myself when I couldn't achieve everything that I wanted to,  grace was supposed to mean forgiving myself when I did not achieve perfection, and it was supposed to mean resting in the moment rather than frantically trying to do everything. Grace did all these things for me, whenever I started feeling like I wasn't doing enough, wasn't good enough I reminded myself that this year I would give myself grace.  2021 was a stinker, bad pregnancy, covid, my husband nearly dying, and numerous hospital visits, slow progress on our house and umpteen other unfortunately events meant I was all out of energy and motivation.  Grace was what a needed for 2022. 

And I did indeed give myself grace, I gave myself grace in abundance, I totally and utterly clocked off from trying, the grace I was giving myself started mean that I became a bit lazy, I started to give myself excuses for doing the things that I should have been, could have been and wanted to be doing. For much of the year grace ended up meaning not trying too hard at anything. And in the end this was not the goal.  

Although I did feel a degree of peace in not putting a lot of pressure on myself to achieve, I have ended up looking back and feeling like the year still very stressful and chaotic and I've ended up feeling a little bit disappointed with myself, and and that's not a nice feeling.

It was back in November that I realised the word I needed for 2023.  It had been in my mind since my baby was born at the end of December 2021.  Joyful.  He was born at home about 20 minutes before the paramedics and midwives arrived, just me and my husband and it was perfect.  When he was born I felt the most exquisite joy wash over me and I began to laugh! His name means joyful. 

Unfortunately thinks went bad after that, and joy wasn't something I could access for quite a while.  

But I am so ready for joyful in 2023, and I'm excited to find out how I can make all aspects of my life joyful.  I'm going to explore joyful eating, joyful dressing, joyful home school, joyful marriage and joyful parenting to name just a few.  

As I prepare for the year ahead I have been turning to the Bible to inform how joyfulness can influence my year and there are two things that strike me most.  First, joy comes from Christ and second joy in not dependant on circumstances. I will talk more about this in the year, but those two factors are going to be infused into every aspect of my word of the year and I'm really excited to experience the year unfolding with joy at the heart. 

Do you have a word of the year?  I'd love to hear what it is a why.  

So What Do You Actually Do All Day?

Home education has been on the public radar quite a lot over the past two years with parents across the country being plunged head first into trying to educate their children from home back in March 2020.  Many parents found this experience excruciating and couldn’t wait for schools to re-open, still others loved in and decided to embark on home educating their children full time.  I had a really hard time during lock down in spite of regularly being told that nothing much must have changed for me.  Clearly there was a pre-conceived idea that home education took place entirely in the home in isolation from the wider world.  This could not be further from the truth and I struggled so much not being able to attend our groups, see friend and visit museums, libraries and other educational places.  These were a huge part of my educational provision, just being home all day everyday was not part of the plan!

Two years on and many families have decided to continue home educating their children; as a result, numbers have risen and the government are starting to get concerned.  They don’t really want children being home educated because that means one parent not working (at least not full time) and therefore contributing less tax revenue than that of a full time working parent. I think the government would also prefer every British citizen to have the same educational experience as each other (except for the rich ones of course), it doesn’t really want too many free thinkers walking about.  So, in a small part as a result of the rise in numbers of home educating families over the last two years, the government have pressed on with their plan to introduce a home education register, along with their “schools bill” which all parents should be concerned about, home educating or otherwise. There is a lot of information on the internet about it, so I won’t harp on here, but needless to say the government’s claims that they will “level up standards” and be providing educational “excellence” are pretty laughable. 

The Government claim that there are children “under the radar”; parents who are keeping their children locked up at home, neglected, with no socialisation and likely abuse under the guise of “home education, or else are indoctrinating children with illegal schools.  The Government claim that a register will make sure that no children are missed (won’t those parents abusing their children just not sign the register seeing as they are already doing something illegal?!)  in spite of the fact that every single child who was abused under the guise of home education were already know to local authorities.   It seems to me a lot of parents, even those in the home ed community think the Governments plan is a good idea, “if it saves just one child from abuse it’s worth it” they say “nothing to hide, nothing to fear” they say.  But the reality is that sadly it won’t save any children from abuse.  More children are abused in school than in home education.  It’s never really about the children.

Maybe because of lockdown and how parents were forced into home learning in isolation, there are a lot of misconceptions about home education, and the image of all children sat at the kitchen table receiving drills in maths an English, churning out a generation of, at best, maladjusted weirdos, and at worst illiterate criminals, continues to permeate the minds of the general public. This perception was further ingrained after the lockdown as parents assumed what they were doing at home with their schooled children was the same as what we were doing with our home educated children (all at home, not going out, not seeing anyone).  And that, as I have said, couldn’t be further from the truth. 

One question I get asked a lot is “so what do you actually do?”.  So I thought I would take this opportunity to dispel some myths and to give an insight into our daily life.  This is in part inspired by a friend of mine who did the same recently on Facebook (so thanks for that Amy).  I’ll tell you what the average week looks like, but I will also tell you about some of the interactions and spontaneous learning opportunities that take place that simply cannot be substantiated. 

I dislike the use of the word routine and lean more towards rhythm in describing our days,  routine feels strict and unbending, but our rhythms change and move and flow with the seasons, the moods and the weather.  So please see this as less of a timetable of events and more of a flow of predictable rituals, traditions and habits interspersed with spontaneous learning opportunities, space for exploration, play and time with friends.

We begin each day at the dining table with breakfast and a story.  At the moment I am reading Bible stories to the children from a big old Hamlyn Children’s Bible with lots of colourful illustrations.  I like this book as it sounds a bit more like the Bible than some other children’s editions, so prepares their minds a little bit for the style of writing in the Bible.  I read a few chapters then summarise what has been read at the end and ask the children to narrate what they remembered.  After this we do a morning devotional.  At the moment this is “Our 24 Family Ways” by Clay Clarkson.  A devotional is usually something a bit like a discussion or Bible study around a certain topic.  This devotional is about character and values.  It begins with some thought provoking questions, followed by a bible verse, some discussion questions surrounding the verse and then a prayer.  After this we read some poetry.  Currently we are reading from Collins “Treasury of Poetry” illustrated by Hilda Boswell. I love Hilda Boswells illustrations and I also have “A Child’s Garden of Verses” illustrated by her. We discuss the poems as we go. 

Once the boys are dressed and teeth brushed and chores done (I will do another blog post about chores soon)  we usually sit down to do some Maths and English.  For Maths we are following the curriculum “Maths no Problem”.  Maths is my weak area so I feel much more confident using a curriculum which I know will take the boys through everything they need to know for Maths.  I like Maths no Problem as it uses The Singapore Maths approach, but also the traditional approach which I learnt at school, so it given children different ways of working things out.  I wouldn’t say this is necessarily the best Maths curriculum out there, but it is good value for money. For English we use workbooks for reading, spelling, punctuation and handwriting, the skills they need to decipher and understand texts and to write their own.  But they are free to do their own writing whenever they want, both hand written and typed on the computer, story and letter writing happens fairly regularly, on its own in our house.  On an average day this rhythm takes most of the morning.

We do a variety of things in the afternoons, at the moment on Mondays our afternoons are free so we usually do some work on our current topics.  Often this is listening to a story which we might do round the table with a cup of tea, sat on the sofa with biscuits, on a picnic bench in the garden or even on the trampoline!  Currently we are reading about Alexander the Great. We also do crafts, art,  baking, or science experiments in this time, then the boys play.   In the evening my two eldest go to Cubs.

On Tuesdays, after our usual morning rhythms, I take my eldest to drama, one of the home ed mums is putting on a performance of Mary Poppins 2.  While he is there I take my other three boys to a park and we usually do a nature walk.  After I collect my eldest from drama we go home and do stories, then the boys are free to play outside or with their friends or our neighbours.  In the evening all three boys do Jujitsu class.

Wednesday afternoons are a meet with a group of our Christian Home education friends in the afternoon.  We usually do some sort of activity or social.  On Wednesday evening my 6 year old goes to Beavers.

Thursdays are another free day. The afternoons are often spent with friends or doing activities at home.

Fridays are a social day, we do nature group in the morning, always with a different topic, usually following the “Exploring Nature with Children” curriculum.  This involves a walk in nature, be that a meadow, field or pond, a story and sometimes an activity.  We do this with a group of friends.  In the afternoon we do park meet with a big group of home educators from all over the Forest.  Friday evenings are a treat night, so the boys have a snack and dinner on the sofa whilst watching a film.

This is the general rhythm of our week, but what you don’t see from this description are the many spontaneous activities that take place.  The comic book strip writing, the engineering structures in the garden, the team work, the podcast one of them wants to make, the random questions that require an exploration in an encyclopaedia,  the board game playing, the spontaneous piano lesson, or French lesson on Duo Lingo, the story writing, the YouTube video inspired by something we read in a book, the lego building, the coding session, the stop motion animation, the nature walks, the excursions to castles, museums, libraries and shops,  the list goes on.  All these things happen spontaneously and without them being timetabled or planned in.  Making sure there is plenty of free time allows for this sort of exploration and genuine learning experiences.

We are very flexible with our week, we do not do Maths and English every day if there is a day out planned, or perhaps, some days things are just different, maybe we slept in one day because we were late to bed after staying late with a friend the previous day, or maybe the mood just isn’t right for table work and we decide to do some baking or painting instead.  I don’t like to be too strict with our days.  I like to present my children with new ideas and experiences as much as possible to allow their brains to think and grow.

So that is our life at the moment, it changes and flows throughout the year as different groups or classes start or end and the seasons roll on, it’s working well for us and is unique to our family, but might not be right for another family. Some families will do fewer groups, be home more, others will have online classes and group lessons and be at home even less. That is the beauty of home education, it is tailored, personalised and unique to each family. 

Most importantly we are doing life together, learning to love and care for each other, to be responsible, to be kind and make life good as a family.  We see the good and the bad together and work through big feelings.  We don’t live a complicate life and I try not to be too busy, I like to be calm and have as little stress as possible.

I hope this dispels any myths you may have and satisfies your curiosities, I hope it gives an understanding of what home ed life might be like, not to persuade you to make your life like mine but to gain understanding, because with understanding come acceptance.