Joyful Friendships and Joyful self care - being intentional about experiencing joy

 Aware that the year is coming to an end and that I am two months behind on my posts about my joyful year I have implored myself to open up my laptop and get to work telling you about my joyful focuses for October and November.

As you may remember every year I choose a "word of the year" which acts as a focus and motivation to shape the year ahead.  I use the word to inform my attitude and my actions and I try to think about it's meaning and context in my life. 

Each month of this year I have focused on a different aspect of my life and how "joyful" can influence that part of my life.  In October I chose "friendship" as my monthly focus.  

For a while I had been in a bit of a dark place with regards to friendships, still mourning the loss of some of my closest friends when we moved across the country, and still others moving away, I was starting to feel like no one liked me or my children and I ended up closing ourselves in a bit.  I made it seem like we were busy with other things, but we weren't busy, I was just sad and lonely, and feeling like I wasn't a likable person.  

Luckily (by the grace of God) I decided to claw my way out of this hole I have got myself into, rather than languishing and becoming depressed, and change my mindset and attitude.  I decided to put myself out there again and work harder on my friendships.  I wanted to experience joyfulness in my friendships.

So I committed to going to our groups and meetups whenever we could instead of making excuses and I arranged some meet ups with old friends.  Just the action of doing these things really helped and gave me joy.  Seeing people, making connections and talking to other women all helped me feel better about myself and my capacity for being a good friend to others as well as drawing good friends to me. 

The climax of the month was the Baptism of my two youngest children.  We invited the Godparents who are good friends of ours, some other friends and family and had an absolutely wonderful afternoon together, it warmed my heart so much to be with such special people who had all come to encourage and support us. It was so special. 

November brought a self-care focus.  Self-care is something I am notoriously bad at. I find that there is a little part of my brain which likes to be a martyr and as such feels a strange sense of righteousness in wearing myself to the bone.  Clearly this is not good, it's not what God wants, it's not righteousness at all.  So I made small changes to that in November.  

Self-care is a difficult thing for mothers as so much of our lives require sacrifice for others, it is easy to believe that we don't deserve self-care, or that it is selfish.  But we all know it is important because it helps us be the best versions of ourselves which is what our family deserves. It's a win-win situation.  

The climax of my "Joyful self-care" focus was a visit to "Float in the Forest" which is a flotation tank centre near me.  My sister-in-law bought me a voucher for my birthday and I finally cashed it in.  I spent a blissful hour floating in the dark in a pod of very salty water and took myself out to lunch afterwards where I sat in a café reading a book, eating a delicious lunch and feeling very much like Carrie Bradshaw! It felt so good to spoil myself and really relax.  

 

One of the things I realised over the past two months of joyful focuses is that to have a more joyful life takes intention.  It hasn't just happened because I said the word, it's taken action from me, it's taken work, commitment and planning.  I had to plan my date with myself at the floatation centre, I had to organise the Baptism, I had to make the decision to join meet ups and actually go there.  This year "Joyful" has been my rudder but I have still had to paddle the boat forwards. 

Now we are in December and I am focusing on my family enjoying a "Joyful Christmas".  I'll be sad that this word-of-the-year has ended because it's been so wonderful, but I will reflect on that another day. 

The Bible: A Dangerous Book?- How to tackle the more challenging parts of the Bible with children

 A few weeks ago my voice appeared on radio for the first time, this was both exciting and cringe worthy.  Like many people I don't like the sound of my own voice much, but I gritted my teeth and listened to myself chatting about how I approach the tricky bits of the Bible with my four children.  My segment lasted just a few minutes and was edited down from a much longer conversation.  Of course this is necessary for radio, but I felt like I wanted to elaborate on what was presented on the radio because I certainly have further thoughts and reflections on the topic.  

My family motto from my Scottish ancestry is "Never unprepared", so in true Johnson clan style I did a bit of research and wrote a few pages of notes before the conversation.

My research mainly focused on the Utah Bible ban, the news piece which inspired the discussion in the first place.  It was clear from what I read that the whole debacle had been a mockery of the recent ban on explicit literature for children appearing in school libraries.  To be facetious it seems, some parents who objected to the initial ban cited the Bible as being grotesquely violent and "one of the most sex-ridden books around", based on it's "violence and vulgarity", as a result the Bible was temporarily banned in some schools. 

The question I was asked to contemplate in the light of this therefore was, how do we teach the violent and/or difficult bits of the Bible to children, and, should we leave out the more challenging parts?

For me a simple answer to this would be yes, I do think there are parts of the Bible that at certain ages we should leave out.  Young children's brains aren't developed enough to be able to comprehend the meaning behind what they might be  which could lead to short term harm.  The Bible is a complex book with many layers of meaning and depth.  While children can understand a great deal of depth and nuance; a straightforward good verses evil battle, even one which appears pretty gruesome, such as David and Goliath, Joshua and the walls of Jericho, Jael with her tent peg or the Israelites escaping from the Egyptian army through the red sea, are straightforward for children, and easy for them to understand the message, there are other stories in which the good and evil is not always obvious. Stories where an apparently innocent person suffers are much more difficult to present to children.  The rape of Dinah, the dismemberment of the concubine and the death of the first-borns in the plagues of Egypt for example. Children can understand the good verses evil concept, they understand that God is good and God destroys evil.  These stories can be understood by children on quite a superficial level and in spite of their violence, are not traumatising because they know that Good wins in the end. The stories where apparently innocent people suffer or die however can be difficult even for mature Christians to understand, so to expect a child to be able to pick apart how they were parts of God's big plan to show his great love for us would be an inappropriate expectation.  Therefore it is my view that these stories should be saved till a more a child's brain is more mature and ready to understand the message behind them.  The Bible is not meant to make children fearful, our God is not a God of fear "Do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God"  Isiah 41:10 tells us. So for this reason when they are little I use children's Bibles to read to my little ones.  

Some of our children's Bibles

There is a time and a place for those more challenging and difficult parts of the Bible.

Utah State Representative Ken Ivory was quoted saying:

"Traditionally in America, the Bible is best taught and best understood in the home, around the hearth as a family."

Now whilst this seems like a rather antiquated scene of the family sat around the fire sharing stories from the ol' family Bible, Ivory does make a good point.  The family is a great place to really get stuck into literature, to ask the hard questions and share thoughts, feelings and opinions in a safe space.  So in the unlikely event that your child should encounter one of the more difficult stories from the Bible, like those mentioned above, if you have created a home environment that encourages curiosity, questioning and honest conversations, children will feel safe to ask about the more shocking stories and you can read through and discuss the verses together, eliminating shock and fear and revealing how the stories show God's great love for us.  You can also pick up a Bible study aid of some sort to help understand the layers of meaning in them as well.  I have learnt a lot myself  reading through the Bible like this with my children, reading age appropriate stories and  finding out about their deeper meaning. 

I think that Ivory doesn't go far enough though, maybe because he sees religion as a private matter, but for Christians raising their children in faith, the church is also a vital place for children to gain understanding and wisdom of more difficult and challenging Bile stories.  It's important for children to hear about the Bible from all sorts of different, knowledgeable and spiritually mature people and not just their parents.

From the Jesus Storybook Bible

Obviously it's fairly unlikely that a child will pick up a Bible and encounter one of the more difficult stories on their own, one hopes that if they did they would feel they can approach a parent and discuss the story and ask questions.  Occasionally we do encounter a more difficult verse during our Bible reading and study and I will adapt the language to make the story more age appropriate. For example I might say that a woman was attacked, rather than raped. This isn't because I want to pretend to my children that rape doesn't happen or that I am afraid of the subject, it is because I want to maintain my children's innocence.  They encounter the darkness of the world every day and I want to limit it, I want to preserve their innocence and goodness as long as possible.  They will come across the concept of rape sooner than we would like anyway and I would rather discuss it with them then, than introduce the idea to them earlier. 

Likewise the word "adultery" I would probably change for "ran off with..."  Again this isn't because I am a coward and don't want to discuss the idea with them, it's to do with preserving their innocence and preventing them from worrying.  

Another tool I use if we encounter a difficult passage that they may not be mature enough to understand is to allow questions but not necessarily answer them.  So suppose they do encounter the word "rape" and they ask me what this means, I might give an age appropriate description, for example "it's when a man attacks a woman" or I might even say "that's not something you need to know right now".  

The fact is that the Bible does contain some dark stories.  Of course because it is about the world and real people and darkness is a part of the world and is a part of people.   

From the Hosanna Bible

When the Brothers Grimm wrote their fairy tales, they were a lot darker and more sinister than the more sanitised versions we read today.  The purpose was to create moralistic tales for the social good, to give children warnings about the world and how to live.  Although less gruesome the warnings to children still come through the stories today.  The story of Little Red Riding hood warns children not to turn from the path set out for them, to ask questions when you are in doubt and to listen to your gut instinct if something feels wrong.  Snow White taking the juicy red apple teaches children that if something looks too good to be true it probably is, not to accept treats from strangers, it tells us that the true meaning of beauty is more than just physical appearance, and to hold onto hope that you can overcome seemingly hopeless circumstances. 

Children being captured by witches, old ladies being eaten by wolves, being tricked into eating and drinking poison, parents dying, slavery...the writers of fairy tales did not shy away from challenging topics, because, like the Bible they reflect the truths that exist in the world, we live the the same world as the fairy-tale characters, and through them we too learn that there is darkness in the world, that we all make mistakes and that there is hope to overcome challenges.  Themes of good and evil, truth and lies, beauty and ugliness, capture and rescue, life and death, permeate the tales and all end in a happily ever after. 

In this way they reflect the stories of the Bible, we don't worry about sharing these challenging themes with children through fairy-tales, so we should not shy away from them in the Bible. 

From the Ladybird Children's Bible

Likewise, each and every challenging story in the Bible is included because they have an important message about God, ultimately they all lead us back to God's amazing love for us.  They help us to understand that we live in a fallen world, and how we should live in this world. They help us understand that we are all fallen human beings, each one of us flawed and sinful, just like the heroes we see in the Bible and the characters from our beloved fairy-tales.  If God can use those broken people for his glory then he sure as heck can use us too. Unlike Snow White, Cinderella or Hansel and Gretel, in the Bible we see real people over come real human challenges, not made up characters.  This inspires and encourages us, that we too can overcome great challenges that we face in life. We hear about Christians being persecuted and, although it is unlikely that we like John the Baptist will get our heads cut off, it prepares us for the fact that committing our lives to Christ does not mean a ticket to easy street, we will most certainly face persecution at some point in our lives because of our faith. The persecution and death of Jesus himself is completely terrible and gruesome, but it is vital that children learn about it, they need to hear the truth of Jesus being nailed to the cross to understand it's significance and importance for their own lives.  

The big difference between the Fairy-tales of our childhoods and the Bible is that the happily-ever-after that is promised in it is actually true.  We really do have a rescuer who has conquered evil and saved us, and one day we will get to experience this ourselves for real. Through Jesus death, as awful and shocking as it was we are not only saved for an equally devastating death, but we receive the gift of living that truth right now. 

So, although the are some very gruesome and dark stories in the Bible, it will always be safe and right and good to read the Bible with our children because through it they can learn the real truth about good and evil, darkness and light, capture and rescue and life and death, and that it is through Jesus, not magic spells, that we can have a real, true happily ever after. 

You can listen to my little segment here: https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m001nlfw

Let's go fly a kite

 This week we had one lovely, blustery day.  I took the boys up to the local playing field with a few kites and the intention to fly them.   After a rather dodgy start with one kite whose string frayed through and another that refused to fly at all, we finally got one up in the air and flying beautifully.  The boys eventually lost interest and went off to play in the playground whilst I continued to hold meditatively onto the handle of the kite, enjoying the sensation of the gentle tugging, the feeling of being connected to the wind high above me and the sight of the coloured kite swirling and twirling in the air like a party streamer.  I imagined the kite was trying to free itself from the tether of the string and fly free across the sky.

This idea got me thinking.  Am I like a kite that feels tethered and wants to be free?  What is tying me down and stopping me from swooping and flying?  It would be easy to imagine that when I committed my life to God as a Christian, to following Him only, I tethered myself like the kite.  Initially this thought felt awkward and restricting and I had to wrestle with it for a moment, but then came a divine flash of insight.  I imagined myself letting go of the kite to allow it to fly free, I imagined what would happen to that kite....

It would be blown chaotically across the sky, it would no longer hold its shape, it would swoop off in random directions, we wouldn't be able to see it's beautiful colours, the string would get tangled and wrapped around itself, it would likely get stuck in a tree or else drop to the floor still and lifeless, tumbling across the playing field like an abandoned crisp packet.  The kite was free, but was it able to show its best?  Could the kite live it's best life untethered?  I realised with clarity that no, it couldn't. 

For me in that moment this was very much an analogy of life with God. When we tether ourselves to God, it can appear like we are no longer free, like we are restricted, tied down, but in fact when we tether ourselves we can become the best version of ourselves possible.  With God holding the string our beautiful colours show, we can swoop and twirl in the wind in a beautiful and intentional display as the wind fills us and allows us to fly as high as possible, bold and bright against the sky, tail and ribbons dancing joyfully in the wind. This is not the chaos and collapse of life without a tether. What's more, with God we are protected, he keeps us safe from blowing away, we cannot get lost and are less likely to get stuck in a tree, he tucks us under his wing during a storm. Of course sometimes the wind drops and we flop, but we can always trust that God is holding us in the low times and if we do get tangled in branches, when we are tethered to God we can trust that he is going to climb that tree to us and get us down when we call for help. 

I am so thankful to live a life tethered to God, I am thankful that because I have asked him to, and invited him into my life, He has hold tight of me and won't let me go.  I am thankful that I can be my best self when I trust in His word and love and I am thankful that He is my protector in times of trouble, the one who is always there for me, whom I can always turn to, who shares in my joys and sadness and cares for me as a perfect father who cares for His child. The exquisite freedom that is granted when I am being tethered to God is far more beautiful, joyful and satisfying that any supposed freedom the world has to offer.  

But the amazing thing about God is that he doesn't force us to be tethered, he doesn't make us be held, he gives us ultimate freedom to choose to be tied to him or not.  And there is one thing that I am coming to learn, not just from flying kites but from understanding God and it is as Thomas Watson says: "To serve God, to love God, to enjoy God, is the sweetest freedom in the world."

Easter Morning Acclamation

Hi friends, I haven't posted for ages even though I've had posts in mind, I wanted to tell you about my Easter but that seems ages ago, and so much has happened since then, including the death of an old family member whom I was very fond of.  I am sure in time I will have found some meaning in her passing to share with you but in the meantime I will share with you about what happened to me on Easter morning:

The day before Easter my eldest son lost a tooth, we performed the age old ritual of putting it in an envelope under his pillow then promptly forgot about it till 5am Easter morning, at which point my sweet husband woke me up in a panic to remind me to quickly swap it for a pound as per the tooth fairy exchange system.  (Husband had a bad back which was why he didn't get up.)
After doing said swap and placing his lost tooth in a little tin, my mind was transported of Easter morning two thousand years ago and how the women had visited the tomb in the early hours of the morning to prepare Jesus' body with oils and spices, and I decided to step outside onto the garden.
It was still dark but a faint glow over the roofs of the houses indicated dawn, I took out my ear plugs and my ears were met by what can only be described as a cacophony of bird song,  it was absolutely glorious! The whole of nature was up and celebrating the Risen Christ! My whole garden was full of life, full of the beauty of spring, we had robin chicks in the ivy, blue tits in the tit box, our tad poles were wiggling all around their bucket and little green shoots of lettuce, runner beans and courgettes were popping up in their trays. The whole of nature was out on all it's awesomeness clapping its hands for new life springing up from the ground which in turn celebrates the new life we receive through Jesus.

Then, in the back of my mind I kept thinking I could hear a faint "mummy, mummy" emanating from inside the house. Thinking my littlest one was calling me I reluctantly I left the garden and headed back upstairs thinking as I went how frustrating and typical it was to be drawn away from the beautiful and intimate moment with God by the call of my ever present offspring (now interested that this work contains the word "Spring"). But then, before I could begin to get resentful I realised that God gave me the gifts of these children, knowing full well that our intimate moments would be irregular and short lived and he transcends this and meets me daily where I am. He knocks on the door of my heart as I hang washing, as I read bedtime stories, as I scrub dirty dishes and as I kiss bumped knees.  God knows life, he creates it every year without fail in all its chaotic, noisy spring-splendidness, so he understands how our own little lives call to us, distract us and keep our minds busy on more earthly and less heavenly things. Being called by my children doesn't mean missing out on moments with God, it means glorifying God through honouring the lives of my children with my own service and sacrifice, and in turn I receive blessings.
Life is full of seasons, and this is just one I am traveling through right now, and trying to enjoy the journey as I go.  As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:

"There is a time for everything and a season for every activity under the heavens
a time to be born and a time to die,
a time to plant and a time to uproot,
a time to kill and a time to heal,
a time to tear down and a time to build,
a time to weep and a time to laugh,
a time to mourn and a time to dance,
a time to scatter stones and a time to gather them,
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing,
a time to search and a time to give up,
a time to keep and a time to throw away,
a time to tear and a time to mend,
a time to be silent and a time to speak,
a time to love and a time to hate,
a time for war and a time for peace."

For me perhaps now is not a time for endless meditation on the wonders of God's creation, it is not a time for hours of quiet Bible study and prayer, but at least for that small moment on Easter morning God gave me the gift of pondering the new life in him and in the world, but he didn't let me forget the responsibility he has given me to cultivate and nurture the life he has given me, and how that is just as important a form of worship as bathing myself in the mystery and majesty of Easter morning.


Don't forget you can read more of my thoughts, reflections and encouragement on my Patreon membership HERE

Should Christian Mothers Breastfeeding in public?

I recently had the misfortune to stumble upon several posts on Instagram telling women how they should (or shouldn't) breastfeed in public, and I had to write a response because the posts upset me. I was doubly disappointed to see that the misinformed individuals were Christian and women, and were using Biblical references to oppress and shame breastfeeding mothers.

I need to respond to this, not in the hope that the the original posters will see it and have their opinions set straight but because the message they put out was so damaging.  The message that they put out could put mothers off breastfeeding which could be damaging for her and her children.  It is also a harmful message for society because it lays the blame for other people's sin firmly at the feet of a nursing mother and this in turn excuses people from personal responsibility and causes mothers to be shamed and condemned.

So here is my big problem; these people seem to think that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from committing the sin of lust by looking at her breasts during breastfeeding.

This is absurd for three reasons.

First  BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL!

If a man sees a woman breastfeeding and is sexually aroused then what he has is a fetish (or worse).  Women are not responsible for preventing men from becoming aroused by peculiar fetishes.  If they were women would never wear sandals, walk a dog, or indeed have their own nose on view (yes these are actual fetishes)!  Some people argue that breastfeeding should be a private act like going to the toilet or sexual intercourse, but this implies that breastfeeding is some how dirty or rude, this is a massive misunderstanding of what breastfeeding is, probably taken on board because of the way women's breasts and excretions have been talked about and portrayed in the media for the last few decades or so.  Breast milk is sterile and hygienic, it is food, drink and comfort for a baby, it does not function for the arousal of men or the elimination of waste.

Second, breasts being sexually arousing is all about context.  A breast or any other body part can be arousing to a man or not depending on the context. A breast that is feeding an infant is not sexual, it is fulfilling it's function of nourishing an infant; a breast in skimpy undies topped with pouting lips and a provocative pose are more likely to be.

Thirdly, the Bible does not say that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from the sin of lust by covering themselves during breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding, lust and modesty are never mentioned in the same verse. Breasts are mentioned several times in a sexual context but never combined with breastfeeding.
Some people quote Romans 14:13:

"Let us not therefore judge another any more: but judge this rather, than no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way"

to argue that breastfeeding in front of a man might be deliberately placing a "stumbling block" to cause him commit the sin of lust, and therefore be a sin for the woman, but as I have said earlier, breastfeeding is not sexual, so breastfeeding in front of a man is not tempting or provoking him to sin.  It is simply feeding her child. That's right guys, breastfeeding isn't actually about you! Even if breastfeeding were sexual, it would no more be a woman's fault for arousing a man to lust than someone who has prepared a spread of delicious food is sinning because it might entice someone to commit the sin of greed, or a shop assistant selling jewellery might be committing a sin by luring a person to commit the sin of stealing! Because deliberately attempting to get the man to sin is not her intention when breastfeeding her baby. We have to be sensible about where tempting others to sin ends and our own personal responsibility begins, otherwise we might find an excuse to place the blame for our own sin on everyone else.
The purpose of breastfeeding is to feed and nourish and comfort an infant, no women breastfeeds with the express intent of luring a man to commit the sin of lust, so a woman openly breastfeeding is not committing a sin.

So if you are a man reading this and you're thinking "well hang on, I do find myself aroused by the sight of a woman breastfeeding her child," then may I suggest that what you need is some therapy, and not for the women to stay home or hide under a giant floral printed apron.

My final point in defence of women is that, when women first breastfeed they usually feel a sense of inhibition, simply because their breasts have previously always been sexual (thanks media for that powerful message,) and are used during intimacy, so this new function may cause her to feel shy about exposing her breasts in public to feed her baby. This is totally fine and normal and understandable, it's OK to not want another man looking at her breasts, and I am not saying that mothers should be making it obvious to everyone that they're breastfeeding.   If a woman feels self conscious during public breastfeeding, there are ways for that mother to make herself feel more comfortable about breastfeeding in public, such as using a scarf or the top-over-top method, but she should be doing this for her own comfort, not to prevent her brother from sinning, which as I have made clear above is a ridiculous suggestion, and no Christian woman breastfeeding her child does this.








We must not shame women for exposing minuscule parts of their breasts during breastfeeding, or suggest that they only bottle feed when in public, or go to a different room, or wait till they get home to feed their babies. we must encourage women when they are working hard to breastfeed their baby, which is a God approved function, regardless of where they do it.   We must not put restrictions, and rules upon a mother for how and when she should breastfeed, this could damage and end a mothers breastfeeding journey, and shame to anyone who does this.  Oh, also, the Pope says it's all good, I'm not Catholic, but I'll take this endorsement!

To close, here are some of my favourite paintings of the most holy woman, Mary, the mother of Jesus, breastfeeding the infant Christ:

Virgin Mary Breastfeeding Jesus by Magdalena Walulik

The Virgin Nursing the Child with St. John the Baptist in Adoration, by Giampietrino

The Virgin Nursing the Child, by Pompeo Batoni

Sagrada Família, by Josefa de Óbidos

“Virgin Mary and Jesus” by Guido Reni

Romancing the Soul

A while ago I read a book called "Captivating" by Stasi and John Eldridge (I highly recommend it for any women who want to know themselves better and any men who want to know their wives better), it's a book the really resonated with me and helped me go deeper into my relationship with myself and with God.

In the book the authors talk about how Jesus romances us. Now that's a funny concept isn't it, we often don't see Jesus as someone who would be trying to allure us and bring us to him.  I don't know about you but I have sometimes felt like he is quite a distant figure, someone we should be trying to emulate, but far too perfect to get near to, but it's true; Jesus wants a personal relationship with us and just like a good potential husband, doesn't force us into that relationship but intimately and gently and gloriously woos us.

I had forgotten all about this part of the book until a friend enthusiastically reminded me of it recently, she explained how she had seen some beautiful Autumn leaves and she thought about Jesus alluring her to him with their exquisite colours and textures, drawing her eye to their beauty.

The idea is that Jesus gives us all sorts of gifts as a way to bring us to him, to romance us, just in the same way as when you are dating someone and they bring you flowers and jewellery or chocolates, little things to let you know you are special and that they care a lot about you and that you deserve beautiful, lovely things.  These dates might become marriages and (in my opinion) good husband will continue the romance throughout your lives together by surprising you with little things he knows you like, not always a physical a gift, sometimes an extra long hug, or doing something nice together or just doing the dishes. Jesus is just the same.  Just as a peacock shows off his beautiful feathers to attract the peahens, so Jesus shows us his beautiful creation to attract us to him. He wants us to know him and draws attention to himself all the time in the beauty of nature and in little every day surprise moments. Once you have found that relationship Jesus doesn't stop romancing us. He keeps reminding us daily how special we are to him, that he thinks about us and that he want's us to love him as much as he loves us.

It was on my morning jog that this idea was fully brought to life for me today.  The Autumn leaves covered the footpath ahead of me like a beautiful seasonal collage, and the light shining in the trees illuminating them from behind like a canopy of  stained glass, lit up the footpath.  I was enchanted and suddenly had the thought to thank Jesus for this beautiful sight that he had given me.  Seeing my enthusiasm for his gift, the presents continued!  The footpath opened out into a grassy area that sloped uphill away from me, and I had to pause to admire the glory of the scene for longer.  The dew on the grass glittered and hundreds of spider webs sparkled in the sunlight creating a blanket of delicately shining jewels and silvery lace.  It almost looked like frost.  Ahead of me, another gift, the sight of a Jay hopping about in the grass.  Jay's always make me think of my Nanny, as she once gave me a beautiful turquoise and black jay's feather that she had found in the garden and saved for me. A delightful memory to fill my heart with joy. I continued on round the lake, enjoying the warmth of the Autumn sun and the beauty of the light and trees.  As I began to head home someone walked past me who must have recently been smoking a cigarette.  You might be surprised to hear that I enjoyed the smell!  There seems to be one or two brands that remind me of the brand my Granddad smoked and I was instantly transported to my Granddad's breakfast room where he would sit puffing away and I, as a young girl, would curl the smoke around my fingers as it gently rose from the end of the cigarette.  Another fond memory, a gift that Jesus knew I would enjoy.

As I approached home I noticed a beautiful little snail with a yellowy shell and pink skin crossing my path ahead, it shell was almost translucent, I stopped and picked it up, moving it to the safety of the leafy verge.  An opportunity for me to show kindness to another earthly being.

Later my husband spotted an old wasps nest in the bushes near our house. We retrieved it to dry out and look at later.  How special I felt that WE were the ones who found the wasps nest waiting there in the bushes, we will have the privilege of admiring it's intricate structure and papery layers. God fills our world with beautiful things to romance us and bring us close to him.

So, how has Jesus been romancing you recently?  Have you noticed it?

Try to take note of the little gifts he brings in the week ahead and know he is trying to get your attention and bring you close to him. He is a generous a loving God who knows you intimately and loves surprising you with little gifts that will make you smile and remind you of his love for you.

Where are all the Titus 2 women?

Hey friends,  my mind has been buzzing recently with lots of "ah ha" moments on mothering, homemaking (did I just say homemaking?!), and being a wife, I really want to share it all with you but it's a massive jumble at the moment so it's going to have to wait till my brain manages to untangle it all and get it into some sort of legible order!

 I am currently reading a book called "Desperate"  by Sally Clarkson and Sarah Mae and I have so far found it to be a massive blessing on my life at the moment and it is part of the catalyst that has been sparking so many connections in my mind recently, I highly recommend it. 

One thought that is really sticking out to me at the moment which is touched on in the book, is how mothers with young children are so alone.  There is no community of older women there to give help and advice to younger women on their mothering, homemaking or how to be a good wife, we are totally isolated in our homes and lives without any strong mother-teacher communities or wise women councillor groups, Christian and non-Christian mothers alike.

I could read books till I go cross eyed on a million different parenting techniques but very few of these really offer the wisdom of women who have successfully ridden out the journey of motherhood and come out the other end with good marriages, successful, happy children and their mind still in tact, (half of them aren't even written by mothers).  I could pin a thousand pins on Pinterest on how to be a great homemaker but I am yet to see an older woman in her beautiful home telling me how she did it.  As for marriage advice and how to be a good wife you can pretty much forget about it, it's sink or swim with just the poisonous and insidious message that we must feel perpetually in-love or else our marriage is a failure! Even the phrase "a good wife" feels like a dirty word, so where on earth are the older wise women to help us sustain our marriages and bring our husbands joy?

I feel like my generation needs a circle of wise, older women to rise up and guide us mothers in our various roles. Most of us have no one at all to guide us.  We really need more Titus 2 older women to help us through these challenging years:

"By looking at them [wise older women], the younger women will know how to love their husbands and children, be virtuous and pure, keep a good house, be good wives." Titus 2 (The Message)

Where are all the Titus 2 wise women? Us mums of young children are all floundering about patching together an idea of how to parent from different blogs and vlogs, and books (oh my) It's a scary and dangerous place to be, slipping into depression is a very real experience of many mothers of young children, not to mention marriage problems, both of which can be exacerbated by difficulties in keeping the house in a reasonable state (I know for sure that I feel in a much better mood on the rare occasion my house is in order).

 I don't know what has happened to society that has caused this missing link between older mothers and younger mothers.  Maybe it is because people move around more, or maybe because we are all forced to work more hours, days, years, maybe they have received some sort of message from society that they are not needed, their wisdom has been replaced by the internet?  I don't know what it is, but I am shouting out to you older wise women, you are needed!

So I am putting it out there now in word and prayer that we need some Titus 2 women.  As I pray this prayer I feel slightly hesitant and a bit cautious because there is something very particular and specific that full time mothers of young children need from their wise older women, and some very specific things that we really do not need.  I think it's important to be clear here otherwise we could end up in a worse position that we are currently in.  Better no word at all than a harmful one am I right?

"There is one whose rash words are like sword thrusts.  But the tongue of the wise brings healing." Proverbs 12:18 (NIV)

We need a group of older women who are willing to LISTEN to how we feel, really listen, without judgement and without criticism, with understanding and compassion. We need you to really hear our feelings and not dismiss them as silly, trivial or selfish.

We need a group of women who are able to EMPATHISE on how hard it is, to mirror back to us that we are not failures as mothers, wives and homemakers, but in fact it is a hard job, and a season that will pass, and we can believe you and know your words are not just token gestures because you have been there yourselves and you remember.

What we need is a group of older women who we can really trust and who are willing to look after our children for short periods of time so that we can get on with some housework, have time with our husbands and have some time of solitude.  Or who can offer other forms of practical help when we need it.

We need you to gracefully and tactfully give us your wisdom and advice on mothering, homemaking and being a good wife, not in the form of over simplified lists of dos and don'ts which will inevitably make us feel like failures for not finding it easy ourselves.  Motherhood can't be bullet pointed, action planned or explained in 7 easy steps, each mother is unique, each family situation, home, marriage, there is no one size fits all, we need real, deep and meaningful wisdom that transcends the meal plans and the naughty-step type advice, real heart felt, ancient, Biblical, Christ centered wisdom. We need women who are going to tell us how important our role is as opposed to the message society sends which is that our role is immaterial. We need to be constantly reminded in fact that our job is the most important of all jobs, so that we can feel worthy, and secure in our identity as full time mothers rather than feeling like we lost our identity the day we became one.

And perhaps most importantly of all we need a group of older wise women who are able to form a circle or prayer around us. Who will pray with us and for us, for our children and for our husbands regularly and with heart, not sporadically out of pity, but regularly because you know us and respect us.

One last word, please, please wise women (and anyone else reading!) don't tell us to enjoy them while they're young and that the time goes so fast.  If one more person tells me this I might just lose the plot altogether! Let me reassure you that we are trying our very best to enjoy them and we are well aware that time is slipping through our fingers at break-necking speed, we have a powerfully visual image of the passing of time in the very presence of our children who grow and change so palpably that we can almost see it on a daily basis. To be told we should be enjoying our children more when we are on our knees, in the trenches, just trying to get through the day is like a slap in the face.  I am sure you have good intentions when you say this but it is harmful and unhelpful.  So please, don't.

I don't want to end on a negative note so I will leave you with this beautiful quote from one of Sally Clarkson's other books, and wait in hopeful expectation for a circle of wise women to rise up around me.  Or perhaps what I am learning from this experience is that I must become a wise woman myself and play out this missing role in society for the benefit of future mothers.