Some words for International Breastfeeding week

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It's International Breastfeeding week!  Hurrah! I hear you cry! 

                                              

Except I don't hear this cry very much at all. What I hear a lot of is "Breastfeeding week makes me feel bad because I couldn't breastfeed for xyz reasons".  

Now as an ex breastfeeding volunteer for the Breastfeeding Network (I had to give up due to childcare responsibilities) I have a huge amount of empathy for women who have struggled to reach their breastfeeding goals.  I understand the challenges women face, breastfeeding if often HARD, that is one of the reasons why only 24% of women are still breastfeeding at 6 weeks post-partum and only 1% of women are still breastfeeding at the WHO recommended minimum of 6 months. This is not because 76% of women didn't care, decided that breastfeeding wasn't for them after all, or didn't try hard enough. Studies reveal that as much as 80% of women wanted to breastfeed. The reason is a lack of support.  

This lack of support has myriad facets, here are a few:

• Lack of access to support,
• Lacks of funding for support,
• Lack of support and encouragement from family,
• Lack of breastfeeding role models,
• The sexualisation of breasts in the media,
• Financial power of the formula industry,
• Lack of knowledge and understanding about breastfeeding from medical professionals,
• Pressure to return to work,

Women are unsupported by family, friends, medical professionals, their employers, the media, and society generally, we are shamed for breastfeeding in public, breastfeeding without a cover, breastfeeding beyond what society considers an acceptable age, told we are disgusting told to breastfeed in toilets, and even told we are sexally abusing our children, (when it comes to being a woman and breastfeeding you're damned if you do and damned if you don't and I talk more about this in my Patreon post HERE) it's a wonder any women meet their breastfeeding goals.   

And right there is our reason for celebrating those women who did make it.  They made it in the face of adversity, they are the minority, and that should be celebrated. Most women didn't breastfeed beyond the first few weeks, formula feeding is the norm, (it's infant formula adverts we see on TV not breastfeeding adverts) just like most people didn't run a marathon and jogging round the park or even sitting on the sofa is the norm.  But this doesn't stop us celebrating those who did run the marathon. The same should apply to breastfeeding mothers.  (I realise this isn't the best analogy as breastfeeding isn't a race or a competition where there are winners or losers, but it's the best this sleep deprived mama could come up with!)

International Breastfeeding week isn't about shaming women who couldn't, wouldn't, didn't reach their breastfeeding goals for whatever reason, any more than Black Lives Matter is about saying that other lives matter less,  It's about acknowledging the massive obstacles women faced and overcame in breastfeeding their child. 

And breastfeeding week isn't just about celebrating the amazing achievements of those mothers who reached their breastfeeding goals, it's also about raising awareness about the lack of support, and demanding better, it's about acknowledging that mama who gave her baby colostrum, that mama who managed a week, the mama who sought out donor milk, the mama who pumped for 6 weeks or longer, that mama who used a SNS so her baby could get as much breast milk as possible, and it's about saying we (as a society) should be doing better, we (as a society) should be trying harder. Trying harder to help mothers who are struggling, trying harder to normalise breastfeeding and trying harder to flip the sexualised message the media sends us about breasts.

So if you breastfed, no matter how long for, breastfeeding week is for you (because any amount of breastmilk is a wonderful gift), just as much as it is for those women who did reach their goals. It's not the time to justify personal hang-ups, guilt or grief, it's about supporting, celebrating and educating. 

In a society where you are more likely to see a breast in a push up bra than with an infant attached, let us have one week to celebrate our amazing bodies.  Now is the time to celebrate our stories, to shout our achievements from the rooftops without worrying about making someone feel guilty. (Should those who finished the marathon not celebrate their achievement for fear of making those who didn't finish, or didn't take part feel guilty?) Do you think men would think twice about celebrating their breastfeeding goals if they could breastfeed? Not a chance, yet we women minimise our achievements to try to prevent others from feeling bad and it has to stop. We have to stop minimising our biology (again, I talk more about this in my " Embrace or Erase" series over on my Patroon HERE).

In International Breastfeeding week I want to celebrate that I have breastfed three children, two through pregnancy, through mastitis, through poor latch, pain and years of sleepless nights, that I pumped milk for a friend's baby and that I am currently still breastfeeding my four year old.  I don't want to feel like celebrating my achievements might make my friends who didn't reach their goals feel guilty and resentful, I want to feel like they are standing right beside me, celebrating with me for their own achievements no matter how big or small as well as mine, and fighting for better with me.  And I want to fight all of the things I mentioned above that are barriers to breastfeeding so that more women can achieve their breastfeeding goals and feel like International Breastfeeding week is for them too.

If you're interested in reading more about how our society views women's breasts and how this affects breastfeeding, I would encourage you to visit my Patreon page HERE  and read my post called "Embrace or Erase part 1".

If you are looking for support to breastfeed you can contact The National Breastfeeding Helpline which is open from 9.30am till 9.30pm daily on 0300 100 0212

If you would like to understand more about breastfeeding, here are some books that I highly recommend:

Should Christian Mothers Breastfeeding in public?

I recently had the misfortune to stumble upon several posts on Instagram telling women how they should (or shouldn't) breastfeed in public, and I had to write a response because the posts upset me. I was doubly disappointed to see that the misinformed individuals were Christian and women, and were using Biblical references to oppress and shame breastfeeding mothers.

I need to respond to this, not in the hope that the the original posters will see it and have their opinions set straight but because the message they put out was so damaging.  The message that they put out could put mothers off breastfeeding which could be damaging for her and her children.  It is also a harmful message for society because it lays the blame for other people's sin firmly at the feet of a nursing mother and this in turn excuses people from personal responsibility and causes mothers to be shamed and condemned.

So here is my big problem; these people seem to think that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from committing the sin of lust by looking at her breasts during breastfeeding.

This is absurd for three reasons.

First  BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL!

If a man sees a woman breastfeeding and is sexually aroused then what he has is a fetish (or worse).  Women are not responsible for preventing men from becoming aroused by peculiar fetishes.  If they were women would never wear sandals, walk a dog, or indeed have their own nose on view (yes these are actual fetishes)!  Some people argue that breastfeeding should be a private act like going to the toilet or sexual intercourse, but this implies that breastfeeding is some how dirty or rude, this is a massive misunderstanding of what breastfeeding is, probably taken on board because of the way women's breasts and excretions have been talked about and portrayed in the media for the last few decades or so.  Breast milk is sterile and hygienic, it is food, drink and comfort for a baby, it does not function for the arousal of men or the elimination of waste.

Second, breasts being sexually arousing is all about context.  A breast or any other body part can be arousing to a man or not depending on the context. A breast that is feeding an infant is not sexual, it is fulfilling it's function of nourishing an infant; a breast in skimpy undies topped with pouting lips and a provocative pose are more likely to be.

Thirdly, the Bible does not say that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from the sin of lust by covering themselves during breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding, lust and modesty are never mentioned in the same verse. Breasts are mentioned several times in a sexual context but never combined with breastfeeding.
Some people quote Romans 14:13:

"Let us not therefore judge another any more: but judge this rather, than no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way"

to argue that breastfeeding in front of a man might be deliberately placing a "stumbling block" to cause him commit the sin of lust, and therefore be a sin for the woman, but as I have said earlier, breastfeeding is not sexual, so breastfeeding in front of a man is not tempting or provoking him to sin.  It is simply feeding her child. That's right guys, breastfeeding isn't actually about you! Even if breastfeeding were sexual, it would no more be a woman's fault for arousing a man to lust than someone who has prepared a spread of delicious food is sinning because it might entice someone to commit the sin of greed, or a shop assistant selling jewellery might be committing a sin by luring a person to commit the sin of stealing! Because deliberately attempting to get the man to sin is not her intention when breastfeeding her baby. We have to be sensible about where tempting others to sin ends and our own personal responsibility begins, otherwise we might find an excuse to place the blame for our own sin on everyone else.
The purpose of breastfeeding is to feed and nourish and comfort an infant, no women breastfeeds with the express intent of luring a man to commit the sin of lust, so a woman openly breastfeeding is not committing a sin.

So if you are a man reading this and you're thinking "well hang on, I do find myself aroused by the sight of a woman breastfeeding her child," then may I suggest that what you need is some therapy, and not for the women to stay home or hide under a giant floral printed apron.

My final point in defence of women is that, when women first breastfeed they usually feel a sense of inhibition, simply because their breasts have previously always been sexual (thanks media for that powerful message,) and are used during intimacy, so this new function may cause her to feel shy about exposing her breasts in public to feed her baby. This is totally fine and normal and understandable, it's OK to not want another man looking at her breasts, and I am not saying that mothers should be making it obvious to everyone that they're breastfeeding.   If a woman feels self conscious during public breastfeeding, there are ways for that mother to make herself feel more comfortable about breastfeeding in public, such as using a scarf or the top-over-top method, but she should be doing this for her own comfort, not to prevent her brother from sinning, which as I have made clear above is a ridiculous suggestion, and no Christian woman breastfeeding her child does this.








We must not shame women for exposing minuscule parts of their breasts during breastfeeding, or suggest that they only bottle feed when in public, or go to a different room, or wait till they get home to feed their babies. we must encourage women when they are working hard to breastfeed their baby, which is a God approved function, regardless of where they do it.   We must not put restrictions, and rules upon a mother for how and when she should breastfeed, this could damage and end a mothers breastfeeding journey, and shame to anyone who does this.  Oh, also, the Pope says it's all good, I'm not Catholic, but I'll take this endorsement!

To close, here are some of my favourite paintings of the most holy woman, Mary, the mother of Jesus, breastfeeding the infant Christ:

Virgin Mary Breastfeeding Jesus by Magdalena Walulik

The Virgin Nursing the Child with St. John the Baptist in Adoration, by Giampietrino

The Virgin Nursing the Child, by Pompeo Batoni

Sagrada Família, by Josefa de Óbidos

“Virgin Mary and Jesus” by Guido Reni

Mamas, love your body (A letter to myself and other mothers)

There is little I find sadder on social media than reading a request for information on cosmetic surgery from mamas who want to "fix" their post-natal bodies. I am not talking about mums with serious issues as a result of pregnancy and childbirth that are causing pain or restricting movement, I am talking about normal cosmetic things that happen during pregnancy that society, the media, magazines, advertising, have deemed not normal, attractive or acceptable. Don't get me wrong I'm not judging, I get it, I really do, I have those feelings too, and this letter it to myself as much as it is to you a reminder of what is important, what is true and what is real.

Mama, I am talking to you now, crying out to you to show your body some love.  Look at the amazing things your body has done for you.  It has grown a new life and carried it for nine whole months, that amazing body of yours grew another human, a miracle! Thank your bodies for giving you your daughter or son, thank it for it's strength, it's resilience, it's ability to endure one of the most powerful forces on earth; bringing forth new life. Your body will never be the same as it was before your carried life, those rounded hips, your strong thighs, that ocean tummy, those milky breasts, but why should it be?  Different isn't bad, changed isn't wrong.   Why should we have to try to hide that we made a life?

We've all seen pictures of women in the media, air brushed to perfection, bodies of young women, un-worked, flawless.  We're bombarded by these pictures on almost a daily basis, but these images are not reality. Of course the women in these images exist and I am no way shaming them for the bodies they have, but they are only showing one kind of beautiful, and not only that but a beauty that has been refined beyond the point of reality.  What about the beauty of an empty nest?  That tummy of yours is exquisite mama. It stretched and grew to accommodate your baby, that skin you grab and fret over is a testament to your body's greatest achievement, and it is a beautiful thing.  Your baby no longer resides there but the echo of that second heart beat remains with you as a reminder of your strength and power. Those breasts that grew and fed your infants are a marvel my love! Of course they don't look like they did when you were a teen, nor do they resemble the huge round orbs that we're confronted with on billboards and magazine pages, shiny and rounded, pumped up and plastic and full of lies.  But those breasts on your body are yours, doing their job, wear them with pride for they are real, love them, for they are truth.

We are shamed, as mothers for not having our teenage bodies any more.  We are fed a steady stream of shame, cartoon pictures of mothers with breasts dragging on the floor, photos of mummy tummies with felt tip lines marking where hard earned skin will be cut away, Magazine pictures of celebrity mothers shamed for their post-natal bodies.  Mama, don't believe these pictures, don't let them draw you in, don't believe their lies.  Your body is perfect, exactly how it should be, it doesn't need to be fixed because it isn't broken.

What are we teaching our daughters, or nieces, our younger sisters, when we seek cosmetic surgery on bodies that have simply done their job? Do we want to send them the message that when they have children, that very process that brought them into the world, is something to be ashamed of, something to mend, hide, cover up, disguise, pretend never happened?  We should be celebrating our extra skin, our stretch marks.  Wouldn't it be amazing if we longed for these in the same way our childish minds longer for the beginning of breasts and our periods, as a mark of womanhood, of womanliness?  The only way we can change the world, change the way the world sees the bodies of mothers is to change the way we see ourselves.

I am calling out to you mama to be proud of your body, say positive words about it, honour your body by sending out words of love about your it into the world, tell the world that you're not going to be shamed for the scars and marks of your body's ultimate achievement.  Reject the lies you've been fed, let's change the future, for ourselves and our children.  Let us tell the world what is normal and what is true, and stop accepting the negative world view of a mother's body; because you my love are truth, you are normal, more than normal, you are consummate work of art, you are perfection.

National Breastfeeding Week

Breastfeeding gets a lot of bad press these days,  so I thought I would take a moment to big it up a bit in honour of National Breastfeeding Week, by sharing 10 things that I love about breastfeeding.

1.  I love that it instantly solves almost any problem, baby wakes in the night, no problem, a few minutes of breastfeeding and he's back off to sleep, it contains chemicals that help both him and me off to sleep, baby falls and bumps himself, no problem, breastmilk has pain relieving properties and the crying stops, teething, same.

2. I love how my breastmilk changes consistency depending on the weather.  During the hot spell we recently had here in the South of England my boobs went into overproduction of watery milk to re-hydrate my baby.

3. I love how it's helped me lose weight, I am back at my pre pregnancy weight, it's taken a little longer after this third baby, but I'm there, and let me tell you, I have not reduced my calorie intake one iota.

4. I love how convenient it is.  At Forest school?  No problem, just get my boob out and give him a feed.  At church?  No fussing, boob is right there, Looking at the skyline on the London Eye (you've guessed it)  boob! Even walking round the supermarket, I have him in the carrier and boob is right there to keep him happy for the rest of the shopping trip.  It's always the right temperature, the right consistency, sterile and it's virtually hands free.

5. I love that breastfeeding reduces my risk of breast cancer, ovarian cancer, heart disease and osteoporosis, I know that it doesn't eliminate the risk altogether and that there are other factors involved in these things, but it is great to know that the benefits aren't just for baby, they're for me too.

6. I love that it's virtually free.  You could argue that I need to eat a little more to breastfeed, but I think the financial cost of this is negligible (especially if you go to toddler groups with free biscuits!) The only other cost for me has been breast pads, which are washable, so over a period of 5 years (so far) the cost has been very small.

7. I love that only I can do it.  For me it's a wonderful privilege and blessing that only I am able to breastfeed my baby.  Not daddy or grandma or a childminder, only me. And you know what this means don't you? I get to sit down more! Woo hoo! (I love a good sit down)  "Yeah, sorry husband, can't help with the dinner right now, I'm breastfeeding!".

8. I love that Breast milk is still such a mysterious substance we still don't even know what all the ingredients are.  It's packed with good bacteria, and anti-bodies, it's literally a living substance.  People like to be able to deconstruct everything, medicalise everything, analyse and in some sense, own, it.  But breastfeeding is still full of mysteries and we are still learning all sorts about how it kills horrible bugs, cancer and how it affects children, and only we, the mamas can really own it.

9. I love that I can breastfeed and still have a drink.  The amount of alcohol in your breastmilk is the same as your blood so anything more than 0.4% blood alcohol and you'd be practically dead. This amount is actually less than is in your average glass of orange juice! The main thing to be aware of is your own ability to care for your child under the influence, and of course, co-sleeping and drinking is a no no. Cheers!

10. Finally I love that the fact my being disorganised and forgetful (yes my child arrived at Forest School this morning with no shoes on. NO SHOES!!  I had to put nappy bags on his feet!)  has no impact whatsoever on my ability to breastfeed.  I literally can't forget to take my boobs!

Breastfeeding on the London Eye!