Should Christian Mothers Breastfeeding in public?

I recently had the misfortune to stumble upon several posts on Instagram telling women how they should (or shouldn't) breastfeed in public, and I had to write a response because the posts upset me. I was doubly disappointed to see that the misinformed individuals were Christian and women, and were using Biblical references to oppress and shame breastfeeding mothers.

I need to respond to this, not in the hope that the the original posters will see it and have their opinions set straight but because the message they put out was so damaging.  The message that they put out could put mothers off breastfeeding which could be damaging for her and her children.  It is also a harmful message for society because it lays the blame for other people's sin firmly at the feet of a nursing mother and this in turn excuses people from personal responsibility and causes mothers to be shamed and condemned.

So here is my big problem; these people seem to think that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from committing the sin of lust by looking at her breasts during breastfeeding.

This is absurd for three reasons.

First  BREASTFEEDING IS NOT SEXUAL!

If a man sees a woman breastfeeding and is sexually aroused then what he has is a fetish (or worse).  Women are not responsible for preventing men from becoming aroused by peculiar fetishes.  If they were women would never wear sandals, walk a dog, or indeed have their own nose on view (yes these are actual fetishes)!  Some people argue that breastfeeding should be a private act like going to the toilet or sexual intercourse, but this implies that breastfeeding is some how dirty or rude, this is a massive misunderstanding of what breastfeeding is, probably taken on board because of the way women's breasts and excretions have been talked about and portrayed in the media for the last few decades or so.  Breast milk is sterile and hygienic, it is food, drink and comfort for a baby, it does not function for the arousal of men or the elimination of waste.

Second, breasts being sexually arousing is all about context.  A breast or any other body part can be arousing to a man or not depending on the context. A breast that is feeding an infant is not sexual, it is fulfilling it's function of nourishing an infant; a breast in skimpy undies topped with pouting lips and a provocative pose are more likely to be.

Thirdly, the Bible does not say that it is a woman's responsibility to prevent a man from the sin of lust by covering themselves during breastfeeding.  Breastfeeding, lust and modesty are never mentioned in the same verse. Breasts are mentioned several times in a sexual context but never combined with breastfeeding.
Some people quote Romans 14:13:

"Let us not therefore judge another any more: but judge this rather, than no man put a stumbling block or an occasion to fall in his brother's way"

to argue that breastfeeding in front of a man might be deliberately placing a "stumbling block" to cause him commit the sin of lust, and therefore be a sin for the woman, but as I have said earlier, breastfeeding is not sexual, so breastfeeding in front of a man is not tempting or provoking him to sin.  It is simply feeding her child. That's right guys, breastfeeding isn't actually about you! Even if breastfeeding were sexual, it would no more be a woman's fault for arousing a man to lust than someone who has prepared a spread of delicious food is sinning because it might entice someone to commit the sin of greed, or a shop assistant selling jewellery might be committing a sin by luring a person to commit the sin of stealing! Because deliberately attempting to get the man to sin is not her intention when breastfeeding her baby. We have to be sensible about where tempting others to sin ends and our own personal responsibility begins, otherwise we might find an excuse to place the blame for our own sin on everyone else.
The purpose of breastfeeding is to feed and nourish and comfort an infant, no women breastfeeds with the express intent of luring a man to commit the sin of lust, so a woman openly breastfeeding is not committing a sin.

So if you are a man reading this and you're thinking "well hang on, I do find myself aroused by the sight of a woman breastfeeding her child," then may I suggest that what you need is some therapy, and not for the women to stay home or hide under a giant floral printed apron.

My final point in defence of women is that, when women first breastfeed they usually feel a sense of inhibition, simply because their breasts have previously always been sexual (thanks media for that powerful message,) and are used during intimacy, so this new function may cause her to feel shy about exposing her breasts in public to feed her baby. This is totally fine and normal and understandable, it's OK to not want another man looking at her breasts, and I am not saying that mothers should be making it obvious to everyone that they're breastfeeding.   If a woman feels self conscious during public breastfeeding, there are ways for that mother to make herself feel more comfortable about breastfeeding in public, such as using a scarf or the top-over-top method, but she should be doing this for her own comfort, not to prevent her brother from sinning, which as I have made clear above is a ridiculous suggestion, and no Christian woman breastfeeding her child does this.








We must not shame women for exposing minuscule parts of their breasts during breastfeeding, or suggest that they only bottle feed when in public, or go to a different room, or wait till they get home to feed their babies. we must encourage women when they are working hard to breastfeed their baby, which is a God approved function, regardless of where they do it.   We must not put restrictions, and rules upon a mother for how and when she should breastfeed, this could damage and end a mothers breastfeeding journey, and shame to anyone who does this.  Oh, also, the Pope says it's all good, I'm not Catholic, but I'll take this endorsement!

To close, here are some of my favourite paintings of the most holy woman, Mary, the mother of Jesus, breastfeeding the infant Christ:

Virgin Mary Breastfeeding Jesus by Magdalena Walulik

The Virgin Nursing the Child with St. John the Baptist in Adoration, by Giampietrino

The Virgin Nursing the Child, by Pompeo Batoni

Sagrada Família, by Josefa de Óbidos

“Virgin Mary and Jesus” by Guido Reni

I hear you mama

I am a very lucky lady in the sense that I very rarely feel lonely.  I have a good network of friends, other mothers and home ed groups so I am often surrounded by other people and when I am not I enjoy my own company and the company of my children. Loneliness and isolation are not feelings I often experience in my day to day life.

Unfortunately this morning I felt these things in the place you really aren't supposed to.  Church.

Going to church with very young children has a lot of challenges.  In the church I attend there isn't any childcare provision for under 3's. If you have an under 3 you have the option of staying in the service or sitting in the small chapel at the back of the church where some toys are provided and the sermon is wired through so you can hear it.   For this reason I usually leave my littlest boy at home with his daddy on a Sunday so I can enjoy the service with the rest of the congregation and my two older children go off to junior church, I normally have a wonderful time.

When I bring my littlest one I prefer to stay in the service as I find it difficult to hear the sermon and join in with the singing etc from the chapel at the back. However this means I have to be towed round the church by the finger by my 1-and-a-half-year-old, whilst he explores every nook and cranny chattering to himself and making demands of me to go this way or that (a little bit embarrassing and uncomfortable to say the least although I know no one really minds). As I am sure you can imagine this is not very conducive to a spiritual experience.  As it happened, this particular morning I was sat in the chapel at the back with my little one when the minister invited the congregation to pair up with a neighbour and discuss their experience of the holy spirit.  I sat in the chapel, on my own. I felt forgotten and unheard. I felt like my voice, my opinion, my experience, as a mother didn't matter, wasn't important.  No one else was there to hear my experience. I had no neighbour.

Now I love my church, it has been an incredibly welcoming place and I know this wasn't intentional and maybe on any other day this wouldn't have happened, there are often other parents in the chapel, but on this day there wasn't.  I felt lonely and unheard and unseen.

Next the minister went on to pray and asked the congregation if they could close their eyes and raise their hand if they wanted to receive the holy spirit for the first time, or anew.  I sat looking out of the chapel's glass doors whist putting together a farmyard puzzle with my boy feeling very far from the Holy Spirit. I felt like I was on another planet to everyone else there.  Whilst everyone else was on planet holy, I was on planet mother.

("blessed are the weak in spirit for theirs in the kingdom of God" right?)

Now this isn't a blog post about how church should be doing more for mothers or about how motherhood isn't as revered or elevated in church as much as it should be.  I could write a blog post about that, but this one isn't it.  There is good news  (Isn't there always when it comes to Christianity?!).

I was eventually towed out of the chapel and back to the general area of our seat where I was pleased to be able to take part in the final hymn.  It was a special hymn to me called "How Great Thou Art".  The words are magnificent and the melody very moving and it was played at my wedding.
(Incidentally "Guide Me Oh Thou Great Redeemer" was a hymn sung at our wedding and was sung at the wedding of Harry and Meghan yesterday, I just need to hear "Shine Jesus Shine" tomorrow for a full house!)

I started singing and belting out this fabulous old song and was completely uplifted, it brought tears to my eyes and I was struck with the message that I am not alone.  I realised that I am not unheard, I am not unseen, I have not been forgotten.
Because even when it feels like I am invisible to everyone around me God sees me, God hears me, and God is with me, right here is the misery and majesty of motherhood.

He saw me yesterday as I cleared up a spilled drink for the third time that day, He saw me the day before that when I fell asleep on the sofa out of sheer exhaustion whilst trying to read my children a story.  He saw me the day before that when I sat crying on the sofa because one of my children had moved and subsequently lost the back door keys moments before we needed to leave the house.  And He saw me the day before that and the day before that and the day before that.  And he saw me today being towed round church trying in vain to listen to the sermon, he saw me sitting with my baby as company whilst everyone else was in prayer, He saw me changing a nappy in the toilets whilst everyone else worshipped.

And do you know what mama?  He sees you too.

You may not even believe it, but it's true.  He sees you and He hears you and He loves you and He is with you and He has not forgotten you.  And I really think He wants you to know he is by your side all the time, He feels every pain, heartache and struggle you go through, you are not alone, you are not forgotten.  Even in the depths of loneliness, in the deepest trenches He is in the mud with us.  Motherhood bring us to our knees and He is there right next to us holding our hand and wanting us to know that all this is worth something.  When you have reached rock bottom and it feels like there is no way back up, when you are at your lowest low, when you feel totally alone, He is there, telling you to "hang in there mama" and "you've got this" and "I hear you" except it is so much more important and meaningful and 100% true from him, not just empty sentiments, but real true encouragement.

And you know what else, He can help us.  If we ask Him He will help us up from that trench.  He will take your hand and lift you back up into the light.  Just ask. God is like the ultimate listening partnership.  He listens and listens and listens and won't try to fix your problems or give you unsolicited advice or tell you it's all your own fault because of such-and-such a reason, or tell you about this one time when He had a really bad day (remember THAT day?!), but if you ask Him He will help you and he will speak to you, just be quiet and listen back.

He sees you, He hears you, He has not forgotten you, you are not alone.

Faith Story

I am about to share with you a story about an experience that happened to me several years ago.  God gave me a picture of something he said would happen.  When it seemed like the thing wasn't going to happen I cried out to God and said to Him that if the picture came true then I would tell people about it, not as a bargaining tool, but as a way of thanksgiving and to glorify Him. It happened, so here I am telling you!  

There have been many occasions over the last few years where I have thought I didn't really need to share the story, that it was no longer relevant, that God had forgotten about it, but surprise surprise, God doesn't forget and he has been nagging on at me ever since.  SI shared the story in church this morning and now I am sharing it with you:

In September 2010 my husband and I began trying for a baby, sometime after we began trying I was sitting in my parents living room, on their sofa and suddenly received an image of me sitting in the same place, but looking about 7 months pregnant, it was Christmas I felt like the image was from God because it was so vivid and real feeling. 

After about 6 months of trying for a baby nothing was happening, and I also wasn't having any periods, so went to the doctors and was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, meaning I wasn't ovulating so couldn't get pregnant.  I began a course of treatment, but nothing seemed to be happening, about 2 months later I saw the doctor again and asked how long I should expect to wait before it started working, he said several months, so I felt I was in for the long haul, I had moments of despair when I thought I was never going to have a baby and started looking into adoption, around this time I also read a Bible verse that spoke to me, it was from 2 Samuel 7:11-12 and read:

The Lord declares to you that the LORD himself will establish a house for you : When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body, and I will establish his kingdom.

This Bible verse and reminding myself of the image of myself pregnant,( although I didn’t know if that was the near future, or many years down the line),reassured me that one day I would be pregnant. 

Throughout this time, my church home group were in on what was going on and I received a lot of prayer from them, I remember one day particularly stood in the super market car park after a church session and two of the girls placed their hands on me and prayed for me.  About 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant, about 6 weeks pregnant! I hadn't had a period for 5 months.  I was of course absolutely thrilled and felt so thankful to God that I was pregnant and he had been faithful to the image he sent me.

When I was 12 weeks pregnant, the day before I was due to have my 12 week scan I had a massive bleed, I thought I was losing my baby.  I couldn't believe it, I cried out to God, I was devastated, we called the doctor but he said I wasn't having a miscarriage because I wasn't in pain, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to have one, and that it could take 3 weeks.  God amazingly gave me the strength to accept that I might be losing the baby, and to be able to give my situation to him totally, I didn't feel like I had been let down, or that the image wasn't from God, I felt like maybe it wasn't this pregnancy, maybe it wasn't this baby, but that God was faithful and I would one day have a baby, I just prayed that if I was going to lose it, then please let it be quick.  I felt a real and strange sense of peace although was obviously still very upset.  It wasn't my own ability to be faithful in God that made me able to feel like this, God gave me the faith I needed.

Thankfully a scan at the hospital confirmed that the baby was still there and I was so happy and thankful to God.   I had two further bleeds after this one, but God gave me the strength to continue to be faithful to him and to trust in him. 

Sometime later I sat on my parents sofa, 7 months pregnant, living the image God had given me.

So what I learnt from this experience is that there is no amount of effort that you can put in to get the confidence and faith you need in God, it is God that gives you the faith and strength you need to trust Him. 

Mindbomb Monday

In the 1970's the founders of Greenpeace came up with the idea of using electronic media to communicate revolutionary ideas, they came up with the tactic "mindbomb" whereby they would use simple images, delivered by the media, that would "explode in people's minds" and create a new understanding of the world.
On some Mondays I hope to share an image that might be considered a "mindbomb" that could get people thinking throughout the week ahead.  I won't include any words with the image as I hope the image alone will speak for itself.  Sometimes I will use images found online, other times it will be my own photographs and they will reflect something that has spoken to me from the past week.  It might be shocking, inspiring, confrontational or uplifting.
If you would like to join in please share your "mindbomb" in a comment.

Our Candlemas Celebration

You may remember me saying at the start of February that we would be celebrating Candlemas by making and eating a candle cake, making an earthen candle and eating a candle lit dinner, amazingly I did actually manage to do all these things on the evening of Candlemas.
In case you don't know Candlemas is a Christian feast day celebrated 40 days after Christmas day to make the day that Mary presented the infant Jesus at the temple, as was the tradition. It is also they day when churches bless the candles, which represent Jesus being the light of the world. Historically the date has been celebrated as the mid-point between the shortest day and the spring equinox, and thus seems an ideal date to celebrate light.

I like cake (a lot) so when I saw this candle cake I decided it would be a great excuse to combine the celebration and my love of baked goods.  It was pretty easy to make, literally covered a Swiss roll with water icing (it makes lots of drippy marks giving it an authentic candle-like feel) and I used a heart shaped marshmallow turned upside down and stuck on a kebab skewer for the flame. If I did this again I would make my own Swiss roll because, no offence, but Asda own brand Swiss roll is a bit minging.

The earthen candle idea came from here,I thought Boris would really like it and he did.  I made mine by melting some paraffin wax in a Bain Marie 

Then I filled Boris' little bucket with soil from the garden and formed a heart shape in it, I suspended a wick in it then poured in the melted wax. I left it o set whilst finishing dinner and laying the table.

And Voila!  Our Candlemas dinner was complete. I apologise for these photos, it was too dark really and no amount of iphone filtration was going to make them look any better!

After dinner we played shadow puppets in the candle light, it was good fun.

Welcome

Hi there and welcome to my blog.  Here I will share my thoughts, opinions and feelings on trying to live an eco-friendly, natural life with my little family in middle England.  I know "eco-friendly" is such an overused phrase these days but I really do feel passionately about trying to leave as little damage on this gift of planet earth as possible. I try to parent in a natural way, following my instincts and  parenting simply but no one is perfect, hence the title to my blog "imperfectly natural".  I don't claim to be some kind of eco living, hippy guru, I just try my best in the circumstances in which I find myself.  I share what I do not to say "look how great I am" but in the hope that others will see that it is possible to live a different way of life which often flows against the current of modern day living, and still be contented.
I am really looking forward to hearing your thoughts on my posts and getting to know other bloggers who share my passions.
In the mean time, here is a bit about me:
I am 30 years old and live in Berkshire with my husband of 4 years and our little 17 month old boy (let's call home Boris). I am a stay-at-home mum and ex (recovering) secondary school art and design teacher!  I spend my days entertaining my little boy, cooking, keeping the house in order and working on our allotment, I know, don't I sound like an amazing domestic goddess?  I am not!  My little boy  is covered in mud, my house is usually in some state of disarray and we have takeaways on a regular basis (I did say "imperfectly" natural!). We live in a small house on a tight budget.  I don't do any paid work but I am currently training to be a breastfeeding helper with the Breastfeeding Network.  I also love to make things, at the moment that is mainly babies and breast milk, but I am hoping to eventually get back into art and crafts. I am a hopeful Christian, I say hopeful because I am not great at going to church every week, I sometimes swear and often forget to thank God for my many blessings, but I have hope that through faith I am saved in spite of my shortfalls.  I hope that this blog Glorifies Him.
Enjoy looking around and reading my posts.  I used to blog over at Serendipity Child and will be sharing some topical posts from there over here just to get the blog going.