Poor old Jamie Oliver, he really has got it in the neck this last week. He has been called all sorts of names simply for saying that breastfeeding is good and that mums need more support in doing it.
It sometimes seems like you can't say something positive about breastfeeding without being accused of being judgmental, putting pressure on women, or even being likened to a Nazi regime.
But we really have got to keep saying good things about breastfeeding, and we really have got to keep fighting for better support because the formula companies have millions of pounds to spend telling people that their product is really good and helping mums get to it and making sure they know about it. Funding for breastfeeding support is woefully poor, so if we don't use our voices to get the message across, what hope have we got against multi national, billion dollar companies? And the mad thing is that people supporting breastfeeding don't even do it for any financial gain! We are doing it simply because we know how good it can be, how good it can be for mums and how good it can be for babies . And on a personal level, I did it because I saw the the emotional pain women went through when they weren't able to achieve their breastfeeding goals and I wanted to help take that pain away. (I can assure you that the formula companies are not considering your emotional well being when they promote their product, despite how much they might like to appear like your best friend.)
It has really made me sad seeing the negativity surrounding breastfeeding that has been flying around social media this past week. Many many women have been let down by the system and they are quite rightly burned. But my concern is that with such a small voice in support of breastfeeding we risk putting generations of women off breastfeeding altogether. When women are unsupported with their breastfeeding and things go wrong, they are often left to draw their own conclusions for why things didn't work out or are told false truths by family members and medical professionals alike which can derail their journeys.
So I wanted to take an opportunity to dispel a few of the myths surrounding breastfeeding that I have spotted over the past few days in the hope that it will fill women who are yet to embark on a breastfeeding journey with hope that breastfeeding is indeed good, and that the breastfeeding community is full of love and encouragement for other mums and mums to be.
1. Breastfeeding hurts:
Ok so, yes, sometimes breastfeeding hurts, BUT, and here is the big but, it doesn't have to hurt. It shouldn't hurt. If it hurts then that's a sign that something ain't quite right.
There are a few possible causes to pain when breastfeeding. Sometimes it is quite simply that you have never had a baby suck on your nipple before and so it takes your body a little getting used to. If pain persists though or there is cracking or bleeding, then it's important to get help. Often a simple tweak to the position and attachment of the baby can solve feeding pain. Sometimes it takes a little more investigation. In rare cases a tongue tie might be to explain (a tongue tie means that baby is not able to draw the nipple to the back of the mouth, so it instead hits the hard pallet at the front of it's mouth, which can cause pain, but can be rectified fairly simply with a small surgical procedure) or a possible infection such as thrush (easily treatable when diagnosed).
The main thing to remember is that pain when breastfeeding is not inevitable, it's is not something to be expected and it is not something which should be tolerated.
2. Dad's find it harder to bond with their babies when mum's breastfeed:
There are many ways for dads to bond with their babies that don't include feeding. Bathing, baby wearing, co-sleeping, cuddling, massage, playing together etc etc. If dads weren't able to properly bond with their babies except through feeding then mother nature would have given men lactating breasts too.
3. Breastfeeding makes your boobs saggy:
There are three things that cause breasts to sag. One is pregnancy. Even if you decided not to breastfeed your body still grows breast tissue and prepares the body for breastfeeding. Often this means your breasts grow bigger, causing them to stretch, but sometimes not, which is where I come onto the next reason for breasts sagging - genetics. Some women will have boobs that sag, others won't, it's down to your genes. And finally, aging. You can't argue that gravity plays it's part in the downward direction of our breasts and over time (aging) gravity can take it's toll, unless you are one of the lucky ones (genetics). Breastfeeding does not cause breasts to sag.
4. Breastfed babies wake more at night:
A recent study by Swansea University showed that all babies wake in the night and that what sort of milk a baby was fed did not affect the number of times they woke.
5. Breastfeeding takes longer:
Different mother and baby combinations make for different feeding times. Some babies take a long time to feed, others take less time, they are all different. Sometimes babies will suck the breast for comfort which may have led to the myth that breastfeeding takes longer.
6. You have to eat a really healthy diet so your baby gets healthy milk:
Studies show that even mothers who would be considered moderately malnourished produce breast milk that is equal in quality to that of a well nourished mother. It doesn't matter what you eat, your body makes excellent milk.
7. You can't drink (or eat curry, drink orange juice, etc) if you breastfeed:
It is perfectly safe to consume an alcoholic drink whilst breastfeeding. The body is an excellent filter. There are actually no food or drink restrictions with regard to breastfeeding. Some mums find that different foods they eat affect their baby in different ways, but there are no hard and fast rules, it's all trial and error. But there is certainly no reason not to eat curry or cauliflower or grapes unless you discover any undesirable side effects in your baby. Here is some more information on alcohol and breastfeeding: https://www.breastfeedingnetwork.org.uk/wp-content/dibm/alcohol.pdf
8. My boobs/nipples are too small/ too big to breastfeed:
Nipples and boobs come in all shapes and sizes and are not a reflection on the mother's ability to produce milk or feed her baby. It is the amount of breast fat that usually affects the size of the breasts most significantly, but also the number of ducts can vary from woman to woman from between 4 and 9 per breast. However they work on a supply and demand basis so even if you have four there is no reason why our breasts would produce less milk. Nipples also come in different sizes and do not reflect an ability or not to breastfeed. If mums experience difficulty getting their baby to latch and find that the size of their nipple is the reason, there is almost always a way to adjust the positioning so that the baby can latch effectively, a visit to a breastfeeding supporter can help find a comfortable position.
9. You can't breastfeed twins:
Women's bodies are designed to be able to sustain multiple births. Two babies, two boobs! Don't believe me, just ask on any good breastfeeding group. Unfortunately many mothers have been led to believe it is simply not possible. I am here to say, with the right information and support, it is.
10.
If you have had breast surgery you can't breastfeed:
It is very likely that after a breast reduction, or breast implants that you would still be able to breastfeed. Check with your doctor before assuming you won't be able to breastfeed after having breast surgery. I have seen many women with both implants and reductions successfully breastfeed their babies.
Hopefully that has dispelled a few myths and maybe given some women confidence in their bodies ability to nourish their babies.
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label parenting. Show all posts
Monday 21 March 2016
Friday 4 March 2016
Gentle Parenting Retreat Success!
On Sunday 28th of February I hosted the first ever Gentle Parenting Retreat in Berkshire.
After months of planning, organizing, emailing, buying resources, advertising, and dreaming it actually happened! People committed to it, they showed up and it actually happened. I couldn't quite believe it as people were walking through the door. Everyone who had their name down came and it was so so wonderful. All those mums together in the one place, sharing similar struggles, fears and hopes, there was a great atmosphere and energy in the place.
We began the day with some time to chat and have a cup of tea before moving through to the studio where I began my art workshop. I hoped the workshop was relaxed and enjoyable. I talked to the mums about listening to their inner critic, the critical voice in their heads. We thought about how we could turn the positive intention behind the negative voice into a positive affirmation or word to paint onto the front of their canvas, and a symbol to reflect their parenting journey. I also taught some paint and collaging techniques.
I was pretty nervous before beginning the workshop. I hadn't taught a group of adults as large as this before, and it's been a while since I have spoken in front of a group, but the women were so wonderful, kind and keen to have a go, it was very heartwarming. The results of their creativity were astonishingly beautiful, the colours and images that were created spoke volumes.
After lunch we enjoyed a mindfulness workshop run by Tanya Forgan, we had time to open up about some of the challenges we find in gentle parenting, as well as learning techniques for using mindfulness in every day life. We had a couple of wonderful guided meditations, with relaxation techniques which left us feeling relaxed and chilled out.
At the end of the day I couldn't stop smiling to myself, and have since had lots of positive feedback and interest in future Gentle Parenting Retreats. I felt the day was truly a success on so many levels, and I can't deny that I am proud of myself for pulling it all together, but of course know that it could never have happened if it wasn't for a fantastic group of mums who really believed in the event. For me the aims of the day were absolutely achieved. I wanted mums to be able to relax and reflect, to be able to refill their cups so they could return to their children re-energized and revitalized. I certainly returned home buzzing and filled with a renewed sense of being able to cope whatever new challenges arose. And I learnt some new relaxation techniques which I have already put into daily practice.
I feel like an internal shift has taken place since I began this project, I really do believe that this is in part due to the Shining Life Workbooks which have helped me set my goals and targets, plan ahead and reflect and review. It has made me feel like I really can achieve my goals and dreams when I set my mind to it. But it also seems to just all be happening at the right time, maybe a year ago, this just wouldn't have worked, but now it feels right.
I am excited to organise another retreat in the neat future, I feel for us mums it's something we need to do regularly as part of our self care. In a funny conversation this week with a friend, we said that if we were to see the work we do as like a job that we were being paid for, the retreat would be classed as a day of professional development or a networking event. In a paid job these things would be seen as important, essential even, but for some reason, because we aren't paid for our "work" this type of occasion is dismissed as self indulgent and a luxury. We really need to shift our thinking on this and invest in our own self care and development to help us become better parents, and more importantly better versions of ourselves.
After months of planning, organizing, emailing, buying resources, advertising, and dreaming it actually happened! People committed to it, they showed up and it actually happened. I couldn't quite believe it as people were walking through the door. Everyone who had their name down came and it was so so wonderful. All those mums together in the one place, sharing similar struggles, fears and hopes, there was a great atmosphere and energy in the place.
After lunch we enjoyed a mindfulness workshop run by Tanya Forgan, we had time to open up about some of the challenges we find in gentle parenting, as well as learning techniques for using mindfulness in every day life. We had a couple of wonderful guided meditations, with relaxation techniques which left us feeling relaxed and chilled out.
At the end of the day I couldn't stop smiling to myself, and have since had lots of positive feedback and interest in future Gentle Parenting Retreats. I felt the day was truly a success on so many levels, and I can't deny that I am proud of myself for pulling it all together, but of course know that it could never have happened if it wasn't for a fantastic group of mums who really believed in the event. For me the aims of the day were absolutely achieved. I wanted mums to be able to relax and reflect, to be able to refill their cups so they could return to their children re-energized and revitalized. I certainly returned home buzzing and filled with a renewed sense of being able to cope whatever new challenges arose. And I learnt some new relaxation techniques which I have already put into daily practice.
Sunday 14 February 2016
Thoughts on Self-Love on Valentines Day
Us mothers have a lot of love don't we? We have a lot of love for our children, our families, our friends, we give a lot of love out and sometimes and it can be tiring, especially when it means we haven't got very much love left for ourselves, we can feel drained, like our cup is empty and we become grumpy, tired and burnt out.
I have struggled with the term "self-love". As a Christian we are taught to love our neighbors, love one another, but rarely are we reminded that the Bible tells us to love others "as we love ourselves", and we can't love others properly if we don't have self-love and self-care. Maybe it's because we live in a very self-centered society and we reject the idea of self-love by trying to give out more love to others, do more for others, care more for others, and so we forget that self-care is important, we see it as egotistical and selfish. But it is important, if we don't address it we face burnout, depression and pain, and that helps no one. This week I have been taught this lesson profoundly from several different sources. (I have always found that God talks to me through all sorts of different mediums, have you?)
On Leonie Dawson's Facebook page this week I read:
"Feeling burnt out, overwhelmed and exhausted, lovebug? Know this…
It’s okay if you burnout. It’s really okay. You’re not a bad person. You’re not lazy for having limited energy. You’re not flawed because your body has reactions to stress. You don’t have unlimited energy. You can’t do it all. I’m sorry. I know it sucks knowing that. And I know that it sucks FEELING that when your body has hit a wall.
But most of all, you need to know: It’s okay."
Then in a conversation with a friend we talked about self-care and how important it is for us to make it a priority because if we don't no one else will.
Then I read this in a chapter of The Rainbow Way by Lucy Pearce:
"Most of us are not very good at it. We're very good at taking care of everything else. We know we should, of course, it's on our to-do list in fact. But that list is long. We are busy. And no one encourages us to nurture ourselves, if we're honest it seems a bit self-indulgent. So it's not a priority. And we keep on putting it off. Ignoring the warning signs and burning the candle at both ends. Until suddenly it's too late; we burnout, or get sick, or melt down. Breakdown or depression take us hand in hand. Then the only way to recovering ourselves is through even more intense self-care, the thing we saw was negotiable suddenly became essential[.....]
We live in a world where we have to decide our own enough. Children will always want more, need more, that is human. And society will always require more of us too. So it is up to us to decide and clearly communicate out limits, it is our sacred duty to ourselves and our children if we are to share a loving and healthy relationship."
Then today this beautiful email from artist Tamara Laporte totally hit the nail on it's head with her explanation of self-love:
"I like to invite you this year to buy chocolates and flowers NOT ONLY for other people but ALSO for yourself.
Not only that, I would love to encourage you to deepen your self-love/ self-care/ self-compassion practices (or to start a self-love practice if you don't have one yet)! Sounds good? :-)
:) Absolutely go tell your beautiful loved ones how much you love them (do that every day, not just today), but DON'T leave your beautiful self out of this practice! :)
(And by self love I don't mean: egotism or self-glorification/ absorption, I mean: treating & loving yourself the same way you might do your child or sister, friend or mother, a person you love dearly - eg: with kindness, gentleness, forgiveness, softness. Self love also means; working on stabilising your confidence and esteem; realising you are good enough, worthy, that you matter as much as anyone else... that sorta thing! :))
More and more do I realise how so many of us suffer from self-judgement, self rejection, low self esteem, low self worth. I've come to believe that it's one of the BIGGEST things that stands in the way of growth, abundance, love, light, beauty, living our dreams and yes yes, even: world peace."
These teachings are so in line with Biblical teaching, God has taken away our guilt so we don't have to feel it, to carry it any more.
I feel like I am being sent this message and need to pay attention. But I know how hard it is to carve out time for self-love and self-care and I am still learning how to, I still find it incredibly difficult to ask for help and to ask for time to myself. I feel guilty asking for it like I should be able to do it all without help, like asking for help is a sign that I "can't cope" or that it's a sign of failure. I know that it is not, but society and the media can often make us feel like this and, yes, even sometimes unknowingly so can our families and friends. We feel under pressure to do it all, be everything to everyone and it's simply not possible. We need to make self-care and self-love a priority. I hope that my Gentle Parenting Retreat that I am running at the end of February goes some way to helping some mothers to show themselves some self-care and self-love and to refill their cups, these messages resonate so strongly with the reason I wanted to run the retreat in the first place.
I hope you have all been able to find a way of showing yourself some love this Valentines day as well as our loved ones, not because it's useful, or important but because it's essential if we want to be the best parents, the best friends, the best partners, the best humans that we can be.
Happy Valentines day to you all.
A painting I did recently as a demonstration for the Home Education Art Club I have been running. I want to add some more layers to make it a little more sophisticated and add some text for meaning. Stay tuned.
Thursday 19 November 2015
Ain't no mama got time fo dat!
I haven't been around much lately because the nitty gritty business of just living has been getting in the way of the more gentile and pleasurable aspects of life such as blogging, crafting and documenting. Activities which I bitterly miss.
To put in plainly I have been grafting, earning my crust, busting my gut...We had no money so I had to get a job or two. And I have been learning a lot about myself and the world through this experience. For one thing, I totally get why poor people take out loans; because having no money is depressing, it really sucks, so you cheer yourself up by buying and doing things you can't really afford, taking a holiday to France for example, buying lottery tickets, getting a takeaway every Friday night, thinking "blow it, let's try for another baby" (and by the way since when did having children become a privilege of the rich?) I have a new-found sympathy for those on low-income.
But in putting my nose to the grindstone I have realised how severely neglected my creative inner world has been, and it's been suffering (I've been suffering) big time. I didn't really realise quite how much I needed it until this morning when I took a gander through an old sketchbook. I was immediately taken back to a time before I had children when I had theluxury motivation to be able to take time to really reflect on my inner creative world, search my soul, listen to my whispers, hear my hearts calling etc etc etc. I was at a real high point in my creative journey where I felt on the cusp of something big, things were coming together, symbols, art pieces, meaning.
And then BAM...Children, and suddenly you think that nurturing your creative spirit isn't a priority any more, or useful, or important.
It's not like I sat down one day and though "oh well, you know what? I don't really need all that arting around, it was all just a bit of a lark really, now I have to get on with the serious business of raising children." It happened slowly, over time, almost without me noticing; my ability to be able to sit down and really reflect, search, discover, create, has been chipped away at, though tiredness, lack of free time, distractions (curse you Facebook) I have neglected to make a priority of these essential explorations. And equally as imperceptibly a whole part of my spirit, my personality in a sense, has been degrading and has left me with strange empty gap which I have rather unhelpfully filled with feelings of anger, resentment and frustration. I can't blame my children, it's not their fault and they fill up another part of my soul even more measurably than that lack of creativity empties another. I also can't blame myself in any useful way because it was just something that happened, maybe it was something that had to happen, I don't know. But what I know now is that no one else is going to drag me out of this rut, there is no lottery win over the horizon, no long lost relative who is going to die and leave me their fortune, if I want things to change then I need to pick myself up off the floor and make it happen myself.
And I am starting, not with some great money making venture but with small gestures, notes, journal reflections. I intend to simply pay attention again, like I used to, because not only an I not a whole person without nurturing my creative spirit, but I am a far less effective parent to boot. Hopefully I'll be seeing lots more of you all over the coming weeks and months, be with me, wish me well, I need this.
To put in plainly I have been grafting, earning my crust, busting my gut...We had no money so I had to get a job or two. And I have been learning a lot about myself and the world through this experience. For one thing, I totally get why poor people take out loans; because having no money is depressing, it really sucks, so you cheer yourself up by buying and doing things you can't really afford, taking a holiday to France for example, buying lottery tickets, getting a takeaway every Friday night, thinking "blow it, let's try for another baby" (and by the way since when did having children become a privilege of the rich?) I have a new-found sympathy for those on low-income.
But in putting my nose to the grindstone I have realised how severely neglected my creative inner world has been, and it's been suffering (I've been suffering) big time. I didn't really realise quite how much I needed it until this morning when I took a gander through an old sketchbook. I was immediately taken back to a time before I had children when I had the
Some of my old sketchbook pages.
And then BAM...Children, and suddenly you think that nurturing your creative spirit isn't a priority any more, or useful, or important.
It's not like I sat down one day and though "oh well, you know what? I don't really need all that arting around, it was all just a bit of a lark really, now I have to get on with the serious business of raising children." It happened slowly, over time, almost without me noticing; my ability to be able to sit down and really reflect, search, discover, create, has been chipped away at, though tiredness, lack of free time, distractions (curse you Facebook) I have neglected to make a priority of these essential explorations. And equally as imperceptibly a whole part of my spirit, my personality in a sense, has been degrading and has left me with strange empty gap which I have rather unhelpfully filled with feelings of anger, resentment and frustration. I can't blame my children, it's not their fault and they fill up another part of my soul even more measurably than that lack of creativity empties another. I also can't blame myself in any useful way because it was just something that happened, maybe it was something that had to happen, I don't know. But what I know now is that no one else is going to drag me out of this rut, there is no lottery win over the horizon, no long lost relative who is going to die and leave me their fortune, if I want things to change then I need to pick myself up off the floor and make it happen myself.
And I am starting, not with some great money making venture but with small gestures, notes, journal reflections. I intend to simply pay attention again, like I used to, because not only an I not a whole person without nurturing my creative spirit, but I am a far less effective parent to boot. Hopefully I'll be seeing lots more of you all over the coming weeks and months, be with me, wish me well, I need this.
Wednesday 30 September 2015
Gentle Parenting Retreat
Gentle parenting can sometimes be quite emotionally draining, it can take a lot out of you because you have to give a lot. Sometimes it is good to take some time out, not to get away from your children but to take some time and space to relax and refill your emotional cup. It's important we do this to be effective parents, we must meet our own emotional needs in order to meet those of our children.
It's for this reason I decided to organise a one day gentle parenting retreat near me for like minded mums to come together, share their experiences and relax.
It's for this reason I decided to organise a one day gentle parenting retreat near me for like minded mums to come together, share their experiences and relax.
The day will begin with arrival between 9 and 10 (I know what it's like trying to get anywhere early with children about), we will spend this time getting to know each other a bit and sharing a hot cup of tea or coffee.
Our first session is a creative art session which will give us an opportunity to explore themes of motherhood, express our innate creativity and experiment with materials, no art experience necessary, we will of course stop half way through for refreshments.
We will break half way through the day for a delicious lunch.
In the afternoon we will learn about mindfulness and how it we can incorporate it into our parenting and we will end the day with a relaxing guided meditation so we can all float home in a peaceful and relaxed trance!
The day long session with two therapists and lunch costs £75.00. I have 14 places available. Any mothers who practice gentle parenting or attachment parenting are welcome to join us. It doesn't matter if your children are toddlers or teenagers, the only restrictions on this even is that it is mothers only. You don't even have to be local to attend this event.
Please get in touch if you are interested, details are on the flyer.
Wednesday 24 June 2015
Gratitude
Sometimes I get a bit down in the dumps. I feel like I am losing my way with the boys, shouting, getting frustrated and impatient all the time. I feel like the house is always a mess and the boys seem to leave a trail of destruction in their wake. I turn my back for what seems like 30 seconds and when I look again a whole roll of toilet paper has been unrolled, all the shoes have been taken off the rack, all the books off the bookshelf and there is a pile of sand on the living room floor! Is this a habit particular to my children? Or maybe it's because they are boys? Or maybe it's my fault for leaving a roll of toilet paper within reach? Whatever the reason, it is easy to get bogged down with the frustrations of day to day life as a full time mama and forget to capture the beautiful and precious moments and the sparks of joy. Sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees, everything seems like such an effort and a bother and there never seems to be enough time for anything, I am always chasing my tail trying to catch up.
I am the sort of person who does a lot of soul searching from time to time and I was having a moment recently, thinking about regrets and opportunities missed, not a good path to go down I know, but it got me thinking that one of the reasons I feel like I don't make the most of life at any given point is that I am always looking for the next thing, the next stage. I am thinking "things will be better when..." or "when such-and-such happens, they I can be truly happy" or "I will be an amazing mum when...", I never seem to be able to value just being here.
But here is where I am, and now with the power of hindsight, the sadness and regret that comes with the memory of missed opportunities, I know that I need to grab here and live it and love it. I only get here once and with the passage of time visible in front of me in the living and ever changing form of my children, I am even more acutely aware of how much I must appreciate there here and now.
I remember thinking years ago how much I wanted so badly to be a full time mum, that it was all I ever wanted, that life would be complete once I was one and that it was what I had always meant to do. I read a quote or a phrase or something recently about how you already have the things you wished for yesterday (something to do with the law of attraction or something) and it hit me like a big piano dropping out of a third storey window. I am living the dream I had all those years ago. What an idiot I am for not even noticing and appreciating this fact!
A few days ago I read an article about a woman who was paralysed from the neck down after a skiing accident. These sorts of stories don't usually affect me, I am a strong believer in all things being relative, but this time it really did affect me. I just thought about how terrible it would be for me to not be able to move, to not be able to look after my children, the one thing that I have wanted my whole life. It made me me realise that I need to stop whinging and woman up. Start appreciating the things I have and stop focusing on how hard everything is.
One habit that I am trying to pick in order to help me to be more appreciative of life is to express gratitude daily, I am currently using an app on my phone to record 15 things I am grateful for everyday (or when I remember). This is helping me to appreciate the good things that I have in my life, from being thankful that I have all my limbs in working order to being thankful for big cups of tea, or that my son did a poo today.
Here is today's list:
Today I am thankful that:
1. It has been a beautiful sunny day,
2. None of us got a tic while we were at Forest School,
3. The boys didn't wake till 8am,
4. I had enough fuel to get to Forest School and back,
5. The tadpoles seem much happier in their new washing-up-bowl home,
6. There were vegan biscuits at Nursery Service,
7. I had lots of "I love you mummy, you're my best friend" from Boris,
8. We found a beautiful beetle,
9.I got to catch up with a friend today and that her worries about her health were unnecessary.
10. I received complements on my clothes,
11. The vegetables seem to be growing well,
12. I am feeling energised to keep the house clean and tidy,
13. The bean casserole I made for dinner was delicious,
14. The new blades for my Magic Bullet came today,
15. We can have a quieter day tomorrow.
My word of the year this year is ENJOY. But I think I have been forgetting it because I haven't been enjoying life that much sometimes. By expressing gratitude for what I have, what I do, who I am etc, I will find more enjoyment it in and more enjoyment in life. An enjoyable life is manifest because of the gratitude towards what is already here.
I am the sort of person who does a lot of soul searching from time to time and I was having a moment recently, thinking about regrets and opportunities missed, not a good path to go down I know, but it got me thinking that one of the reasons I feel like I don't make the most of life at any given point is that I am always looking for the next thing, the next stage. I am thinking "things will be better when..." or "when such-and-such happens, they I can be truly happy" or "I will be an amazing mum when...", I never seem to be able to value just being here.
But here is where I am, and now with the power of hindsight, the sadness and regret that comes with the memory of missed opportunities, I know that I need to grab here and live it and love it. I only get here once and with the passage of time visible in front of me in the living and ever changing form of my children, I am even more acutely aware of how much I must appreciate there here and now.
I remember thinking years ago how much I wanted so badly to be a full time mum, that it was all I ever wanted, that life would be complete once I was one and that it was what I had always meant to do. I read a quote or a phrase or something recently about how you already have the things you wished for yesterday (something to do with the law of attraction or something) and it hit me like a big piano dropping out of a third storey window. I am living the dream I had all those years ago. What an idiot I am for not even noticing and appreciating this fact!
A few days ago I read an article about a woman who was paralysed from the neck down after a skiing accident. These sorts of stories don't usually affect me, I am a strong believer in all things being relative, but this time it really did affect me. I just thought about how terrible it would be for me to not be able to move, to not be able to look after my children, the one thing that I have wanted my whole life. It made me me realise that I need to stop whinging and woman up. Start appreciating the things I have and stop focusing on how hard everything is.
One habit that I am trying to pick in order to help me to be more appreciative of life is to express gratitude daily, I am currently using an app on my phone to record 15 things I am grateful for everyday (or when I remember). This is helping me to appreciate the good things that I have in my life, from being thankful that I have all my limbs in working order to being thankful for big cups of tea, or that my son did a poo today.
Here is today's list:
Today I am thankful that:
1. It has been a beautiful sunny day,
2. None of us got a tic while we were at Forest School,
3. The boys didn't wake till 8am,
4. I had enough fuel to get to Forest School and back,
5. The tadpoles seem much happier in their new washing-up-bowl home,
6. There were vegan biscuits at Nursery Service,
7. I had lots of "I love you mummy, you're my best friend" from Boris,
8. We found a beautiful beetle,
9.I got to catch up with a friend today and that her worries about her health were unnecessary.
10. I received complements on my clothes,
11. The vegetables seem to be growing well,
12. I am feeling energised to keep the house clean and tidy,
13. The bean casserole I made for dinner was delicious,
14. The new blades for my Magic Bullet came today,
15. We can have a quieter day tomorrow.
My word of the year this year is ENJOY. But I think I have been forgetting it because I haven't been enjoying life that much sometimes. By expressing gratitude for what I have, what I do, who I am etc, I will find more enjoyment it in and more enjoyment in life. An enjoyable life is manifest because of the gratitude towards what is already here.
Wednesday 26 November 2014
This Too Shall Pass
Yesterday my Time Hop said "Am feeling brave, like anything could happen". That was four years ago. I was in a really magical place with my art, creatively, spiritually I felt like everything was coming together, the house looked great, I was working part time so had lots of time to reflect on myself and my life, I was selling crafts online and getting lots of readers on my (old) blog. I was enjoying life, going out, going to the cinema, out for dinners, visiting friends and working hard. I felt like I looked good, I even wore make up (some days)! I felt so optimistic and positive about life. I felt I had so much to look forward to.
Fast forward to four years later and my life couldn't be more different. This month my second child turned one, how did that even happen? I don't know where the time went! And I am starting to get all reflective with the year coming to an end (December approaching) and thinking about how the last year has been, by far, the hardest of my life.
The first year of Boris' life was hard, it was a shock to the system, I went from a teaching job where everything was very predictable, bells rang which told me when I could eat, when I could go to the loo, home time, to a life where nothing was predictable, with a baby that had a mind of it's own (of course they all do, why didn't I know that before?!) night waking, feeding for hours on end, not feeding, not sleeping. I wanted to fix things, I wanted order and predictability. How could I get my baby to sleep through the night? How could I get my baby to go longer between feeds? How could I get him to sleep in his cot? How could I get him to nap without me?
My life had been thrown into total and utter chaos, and at about 12 weeks in I lost it, I broke down and admitted defeat. I asked for help.
(Only on the internet though, wasn't going to admit it to an actual person.)
And do you know what I got told?
I got told to suck. it. up.
Well in not so many words anyway.
A lady on a natural parenting forum told me that I needed to stop seeing my baby's (perfectly normal) behaviour as a problem that needed to be fixed, she said it was only a problem if I thought it was a problem, and to embrace the tiredness! Because this too shall pass.
So I should have been really offended right? No sympathy, no practical advice at all, just "stop making a fuss and get on with it." But the thing is I am actually so thankful for that lady. She was honest and what she said was the best piece of parenting advice I have ever been given. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was definitely an "Aha!" moment for me. It solved all my problems in one fast sweep. And year one of parenting turned out to be probably the happiest year of my life.
So I thought things were hard first time around, 20 months later I was thrown into chaos a second time, coping with a toddler and a newborn was extremely challenging and I am still finding it challenging now as I enter life with two toddlers. Their need for almost constant attention, their squabbling, the sad day when I finally sacrificed the last bit of me time during the day and dropped Boris' daytime nap, their sick days when they are grumpy all day and awake all night, my sick days when I realised that mums don't get sick days, the rainy days where they are climbing up the walls.....and...and...and......Needless to say I am still waiting for my "Aha!" moment.
And I often think back wistfully to the days before children when we would go the the cinema on a whim, see a band play at a moments notice, I would journal and create and make and paint and pour out my soul into notebook or onto canvas. We were so free and we didn't even know it. Then I daydream about those days spent in the spring with a baby laid on my chest fast asleep, whilst I watched box sets, white muslins hanging on the washing line, meeting friend's in cafes and chatting for literally hours. And I think to myself I will never have that, ever again.
And I can't help but wonder if I will look back to these crazy days, the chaos, the endless laundry, the sleepless nights the toys, the mess and wonder why I didn't enjoy it more, why I didn't savor every moment. Because I know that - just like that lady on that forum told me in her wisdom - This too shall pass.
Fast forward to four years later and my life couldn't be more different. This month my second child turned one, how did that even happen? I don't know where the time went! And I am starting to get all reflective with the year coming to an end (December approaching) and thinking about how the last year has been, by far, the hardest of my life.
My life had been thrown into total and utter chaos, and at about 12 weeks in I lost it, I broke down and admitted defeat. I asked for help.
(Only on the internet though, wasn't going to admit it to an actual person.)
And do you know what I got told?
I got told to suck. it. up.
Well in not so many words anyway.
A lady on a natural parenting forum told me that I needed to stop seeing my baby's (perfectly normal) behaviour as a problem that needed to be fixed, she said it was only a problem if I thought it was a problem, and to embrace the tiredness! Because this too shall pass.
So I should have been really offended right? No sympathy, no practical advice at all, just "stop making a fuss and get on with it." But the thing is I am actually so thankful for that lady. She was honest and what she said was the best piece of parenting advice I have ever been given. It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was definitely an "Aha!" moment for me. It solved all my problems in one fast sweep. And year one of parenting turned out to be probably the happiest year of my life.
And I can't help but wonder if I will look back to these crazy days, the chaos, the endless laundry, the sleepless nights the toys, the mess and wonder why I didn't enjoy it more, why I didn't savor every moment. Because I know that - just like that lady on that forum told me in her wisdom - This too shall pass.
Saturday 13 September 2014
Fun Things to do With Toddlers - A Week of Activities!
We've been busy! it's been a fun and activity filled summer, here are some of the things we have been doing in a bumper week of fun toddler activities.
So our week of activities has come to an end and I really hope you have enjoyed it and found some of the ideas useful and inspiring.
Today we have our sofa slide which we have visited and re-visited many times this summer, or as Boris likes to call it, his "slippy-slide!"
Apologies for the quality of this photo and that lack of quantity, this activity was actually a while ago and I didn't think to photograph it properly because I just wanted to put it on Facebook. (So sorry if you are a Facebook friend and you have seen this before!)
So basically what you are looking at is a slide made from sofa cushions with two big pieces of cardboard on top. We used one piece of cardboard as a sort of sledge to slide of the the second piece. Literally hours of fun, or at least it would be if I had the energy! Boris still needed supporting down the slide or else he slipped off the side! It was great fun, fab for gross motor skills and raising the heart rate.
So that's it folks, back to normal tomorrow, though I have really loved writing every day and hopefully with be a bit more frequent with my posting from here on in.
Thursday 6 March 2014
Planning for March
It's been a busy time for us recently, with Boris' birthday followed by Boris and Biscuit's Baptisms last week and the usual hecticness (is that a word?) that is involved with life and two small children so I am slow of the mark with March planning. Things have been stressful at times and I have wished I had more help at home so I could enjoy life more instead of always feeling rushed and like I am always doing chores. As you know, being on top of things isn't one of my strongest points so although I am trying to be organised, recently things have got a bit overwhelming. Hopefully you can forgive the tardiness of my March planning but here it is. (As with February, some of these activities are carried over from last month because we didn't get time to do them.)
1. Post card shapes into a box,
2. Dance to music,
3. Draw with chalk on the patio,
4.Pancake day - Make and eat pancakes,
5.Colour pasta with food colouring and thread onto pipe cleaners,
6. World Book Day - visit library and borrow books,
7. National Doodle Day - Do some doodles!
8. Walk on the beach,
9. Visit Grandpa (or other elderly friend or relative)
10. Have a pillowcase sack race,
11. Make gel colour/glitter bags,
12. World Maths day - do counting activities,
13. Mothering Sunday - Spoil myself!
14. Pi Day - Eat Cherry Pie,
15. Have a daddy/son day,
16. Create an invitation to play with wooden peg people,
17. Play pairs with pairs cards,
18. Make sock puppets,
19. Do scratch board paintings (wax crayon covered with black paint mixed with washing up liquid)
20. World Day of Theatre for Children - do a puppet show,
21. International day of Forests and Trees - Go for a walk in the woods,
22. World water day - Do a water play activity,
23. World meteorological day - Do a weather related activity,
24. Bang on saucepans,
25. National agriculture day - spend time at the allotment, plant potatoes etc.
26. Potato printing,
27. Fly a kits,
28. Make a felt shape board,
29. Earth Hour/Natural baby festival in Oxford,
30. Make stars from tissue paper to stick on the window,
31. Paint a tree.
So there you have it, there is March, hope you are all having a good one, spring is on it's way!
Monday 9 September 2013
Fun Things to do with Toddlers - Shaving Foam Play
I think, as with most ideas, I found this activity for the first time on Pinterest, I thought it was a great, fun idea and had to give it a go. Obviously I had to wait until a time when it was unlikely that Boris would put the shaving foam in his mouth and as we had such lovely weather this summer it was no problem waiting for a good day to go outside and do it. If you have wood or lino floors you could do this inside, but I felt it was too risky with carpet. I had put off doing this activity for ages because I was thinking it would be a waste of money because Boris wouldn't be into it, and neither my husband nor I use shaving foam, but when I saw I could get a can for 26p I thought why not?!
The basic idea is to spray some shaving foam on the mat or floor, drip food colouring onto it then allow the little one to smear the colours into the foam with their fingers or, if like me your toddler hates getting stuff on his fingers, with a paint brush.
He soon became very interested in the little food colouring bottles and had a nice time lining them up, chewing them and trying to take the lids off.
He picked up a plant pot the was lying around and I was very impressed by his creativity to press the pot into the foam and watch it squirt through the holes.
It was an entertaining activity for me as well as Boris, he had a go at smearing the colours round with the brush and was fascinated by scooping the foam up onto the brush and flicking it about. It was funny for me if he got even the tiniest bit of foam on his fingers because he insisted that it immediately be wiped off. He is so funny about having stuff on his hands. He was very disturbed when I sprayed a blob onto his hand!
This was a great fun activity,brilliant for sensory play and learning about the qualities of materials, but does need careful supervision, it was no trouble to clean up, I just hosed down the mat. You could do this in the bath too, but I am a bit paranoid about all the chemicals and not really wanting them on Boris' skin.
I think there are opportunities to develop this activity further with bowls and spoons and scooping and maybe squeezing it through different objects, also would be fun to make beards and hats and the like with it if you aren't paranoid about parabens and artificial fragrances like I am!!
Have you tried this activity or something similar? What are you doing with your toddler now the days are getting shorter and the weather less welcoming?
The basic idea is to spray some shaving foam on the mat or floor, drip food colouring onto it then allow the little one to smear the colours into the foam with their fingers or, if like me your toddler hates getting stuff on his fingers, with a paint brush.
He soon became very interested in the little food colouring bottles and had a nice time lining them up, chewing them and trying to take the lids off.
He picked up a plant pot the was lying around and I was very impressed by his creativity to press the pot into the foam and watch it squirt through the holes.
It was an entertaining activity for me as well as Boris, he had a go at smearing the colours round with the brush and was fascinated by scooping the foam up onto the brush and flicking it about. It was funny for me if he got even the tiniest bit of foam on his fingers because he insisted that it immediately be wiped off. He is so funny about having stuff on his hands. He was very disturbed when I sprayed a blob onto his hand!
This was a great fun activity,brilliant for sensory play and learning about the qualities of materials, but does need careful supervision, it was no trouble to clean up, I just hosed down the mat. You could do this in the bath too, but I am a bit paranoid about all the chemicals and not really wanting them on Boris' skin.
I think there are opportunities to develop this activity further with bowls and spoons and scooping and maybe squeezing it through different objects, also would be fun to make beards and hats and the like with it if you aren't paranoid about parabens and artificial fragrances like I am!!
Have you tried this activity or something similar? What are you doing with your toddler now the days are getting shorter and the weather less welcoming?
Tuesday 3 September 2013
Fun Things to do With Toddlers - Playing with ice
I thought I would share it with you today as those hot sunny days are rapidly coming to an end and there might not be many more chances to do an activity like this.
In this tub I froze some sticks, feathers, pebbles, seeds, sand flowers and leaves.
At first he enjoyed scratching the ice crystals that had formed on the lid and on the surface of the ice:
He had a taste of it too,
The ice looked really beautiful filled with the different objects and you could see all the marks created during the formation of the ice inside.
Boris got frustrated because he wanted to get to the pebble straight away but couldn't,
We smashed it with a mallet, I held the handle but Boris had his hand on it too so he could feel involved,
He enjoyed throwing bits of ice on the ground and making it smash into smaller pieces,
One stick had a piece of ice stuck to the end, Boris licked it like a lolly pop!
He used another stick as a tool to push round and poke the broken pieces of ice,
I have made another one using herbs from the herb garden, it should create an interesting sensory experience when smashed open.
What have you been doing with your toddler recently?
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