Gratitude

Sometimes I get a bit down in the dumps.  I feel like I am losing my way with the boys, shouting, getting frustrated and impatient all the time. I feel like the house is always a mess and the boys seem to leave a trail of destruction in their wake.  I turn my back for what seems like 30 seconds and when I look again a whole roll of toilet paper has been unrolled, all the shoes have been taken off the rack, all the books off the bookshelf and there is a pile of sand on the living room floor!  Is this a habit particular to my children? Or maybe it's because they are boys?  Or maybe it's my fault for leaving a roll of toilet paper within reach?  Whatever the reason, it is easy to get bogged down with the frustrations of day to day life as a full time mama and forget to capture the beautiful and precious moments and the sparks of joy.  Sometimes I can't see the wood for the trees, everything seems like such an effort and a bother and there never seems to be enough time for anything, I am always chasing my tail trying to catch up.

I am the sort of person who does a lot of soul searching from time to time and I was having a moment recently, thinking about regrets and opportunities missed, not a good path to go down I know, but it got me thinking that one of the reasons I feel like I don't make the most of life at any given point is that I am always looking for the next thing, the next stage.  I am thinking "things will be better when..." or "when such-and-such happens, they I can be truly happy" or "I will be an amazing mum when...",  I never seem to be able to value just being here. 

But here is where I am, and now with the power of hindsight, the sadness and regret that comes with the memory of missed opportunities, I know that I need to grab here and live it and love it.  I only get here once and with the passage of time visible in front of me in the living and ever changing form of my children, I am even more acutely aware of how much I must appreciate there here and now.

I remember thinking years ago how much I wanted so badly to be a full time mum, that it was all I ever wanted, that life would be complete once I was one and that it was what I had always meant to do.  I read a quote or a phrase or something recently about how you already have the things you wished for yesterday (something to do with the law of attraction or something) and it hit me like a big piano dropping out of a third storey window.  I am living the dream I had all those years ago.  What an idiot I am for not even noticing and appreciating this fact!

A few days ago I read an article about a woman who was paralysed from the neck down after a skiing accident.  These sorts of stories don't usually affect me, I am a strong believer in all things being relative, but this time it really did affect me.  I just thought about how terrible it would be for me to not be able to move, to not be able to look after my children, the one thing that I have wanted my whole life.  It made me me realise that I need to stop whinging and woman up. Start appreciating the things I have and stop focusing on how hard everything is.

One habit that I am trying to pick in order to help me to be more appreciative of life is to express gratitude daily, I am currently using an app on my phone to record 15 things I am grateful for everyday (or when I remember).  This is helping me to appreciate the good things that I have in my life, from being thankful that I have all my limbs in working order to being thankful for big cups of tea, or that my son did a poo today.

Here is today's list:
Today I am thankful that:
1. It has been a beautiful sunny day,
2. None of us got a tic while we were at Forest School,
3. The boys didn't wake till 8am,
4. I had enough fuel to get to Forest School and back,
5. The tadpoles seem much happier in their new washing-up-bowl home,
6. There were vegan biscuits at Nursery Service,
7. I had lots of "I love you mummy, you're my best friend" from Boris,
8. We found a beautiful beetle,
9.I got to catch up with a friend today and that her worries about her health were unnecessary.
10. I received complements on my clothes,
11. The vegetables seem to be growing well,
12. I am feeling energised to keep the house clean and tidy,
13. The bean casserole I made for dinner was delicious,
14. The new blades for my Magic Bullet came today,
15. We can have a quieter day tomorrow.

My word of the year this year is ENJOY.  But I think I have been forgetting it because I haven't been enjoying life that much sometimes. By expressing gratitude for what I have, what I do, who I am etc, I will find more enjoyment it in and more enjoyment in life.  An enjoyable life is manifest because of the gratitude towards what is already here.

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - A Week of Activities!

We've been busy!  it's been a fun and activity filled summer, here are some of the things we have been doing in a bumper week of fun toddler activities. 

So our week of activities has come to an end and I really hope you have enjoyed it and found some of the ideas useful and inspiring.

Today we have our sofa slide which we have visited and re-visited many times this summer, or as Boris likes to call it, his "slippy-slide!"
Apologies for the quality of this photo and that lack of quantity, this activity was actually a while ago and I didn't think to photograph it properly because I just wanted to put it on Facebook.  (So sorry if you are a Facebook friend and you have seen this before!)

So basically what you are looking at is a slide made from sofa cushions with two big pieces of cardboard on top.  We used one piece of cardboard as a sort of sledge to slide of the the second piece. Literally hours of fun, or at least it would be if I had the energy!  Boris still needed supporting down the slide or else he slipped off the side! It was great fun, fab for gross motor skills and raising the heart rate.

So that's it folks, back to normal tomorrow, though I have really loved writing every day and hopefully with be a bit more frequent with my posting from here on in. 

What I am Currently Reading - Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

This is a fantastic book which turns everything you thought you knew about behaviour managements and discipline on it's head.
It advocated reasoning, love and persuasion as means of working with your children is preference to rewards and punishments, including time-outs and praise. Our society is so used to using these sorts of behaviour management techniques without question thanks to TV programmes such as Super Nanny, that any alternative seems hard to imagine but Kohn puts forward very persuasive arguments in favour of a different approach to working with children which is far more loving, nurturing and caring than the traditional techniques. 
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about this book going round such as that children are allowed to just get away with anything and aren't given any guidance as to how to behave, but it isn't like this it all, it really needs to be read to be fully understood and I think if you do read it you would find it very hard to fall back on the old techniques that are so frequently peddles by "behaviour specialists". 
The only negatives I can say about this book are that it is quite a hard, challenging read, it requires quite a bit of concentration to understand and would probably take several reads for all the information to truly sink in (this is the second time I have read it, although the first time I didn't manage to finish it)  The other thing I didn't like about this book was a small section which had a bit of a Bible bashing feel.  Kohn argues that an authoritarian approach to discipline has it's roots in certain religious belief systems, citing old testament fire and brimstone as proof of conditional love from God.  However I would argue that the Bible is filled with evidence that God loves us unconditionally because of what he did for us through Jesus, I would also argue that Christianity doesn't assume we are innately bad (as Kohn suggests) which is why we need saving and why we must be taught to behave, but that we are innately good but have gone astray.  This is obviously an extremely simplistic explanation which requires much much more that I can write in this book review (if you are interested read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell), but ultimately I think that in spite of this small section, Unconditional Parenting is still an excellent and extremely useful read.

When I began reading I was furiously underlining sections with a pencil for future reference, but fell behind when I didn't have a pencil handy, so here are a few quotes,, but they are mostly from the beginning of the book:

"What counts is not just that we believe we love [our children] unconditionally, but that they feel loved in that way.

"This approach (unconditional parenting)  offers a vote of confidence in children, a challenge to the assumption that they'll derive the wrong lesson from affection, or that they'd always want to act badly if they thought they could get away with it.

"That's an argument not for more discipline, but for grown-ups to spend more time with kids, to give them more guidance, and to treat them with more respect."

"On balance, the kids who do what they're told are likely to be those whose parents don't rely on power and instead have developed a warm and secure relationship with them. They have parents who treat them with respect, minimise the use of control, and make a point of offering reasons and explanations for what they ask."

An extremely good book for anyone who is interested in gentle parenting, gently discipline and building a strong, respectful relationship with their children.

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - Playing with ice

 A few weeks ago when the weather was really hot I thought I would freeze some objects in water in a Tupperware container with the idea that Boris could smash it open and dig all the bits out (I had seen something similar in Pinterest).  I forgot all about it then one sunny day last week when we had nothing in particular to do it popped into my head and I retrieved it from the depths of the freezer.
I thought I would share it with you today as those hot sunny days are rapidly coming to an end and there might not be many more chances to do an activity like this. 
In this tub I froze some sticks, feathers, pebbles, seeds, sand flowers and leaves.

At first he enjoyed scratching the ice crystals that had formed on the lid and on the surface of the ice:

He had a taste of it too,

The ice looked really beautiful filled with the different objects and you could see all the marks created during the formation of the ice inside.

Boris got frustrated because he wanted to get to the pebble straight away but couldn't,

We smashed it with a mallet, I held the handle but Boris had his hand on it too so he could feel involved,

 

I showed him how to lift up the pieces of broken ice to get to the objects inside,

He enjoyed throwing bits of ice on the ground and making it smash into smaller pieces,

One stick had a piece of ice stuck to the end, Boris licked it like a lolly pop!

He used another stick as a tool to push round and poke the broken pieces of ice,

 

In this activity Boris learnt a lot about the qualities of ice; that is is cold, wet, disappears over time and turns into water, is hard but breaks easily (brittle), you can see through it, it melts in your mouth, he learnt he could smash it with a heavy object or by throwing it,and that it was slippery and could be pushed around easily.  We spent quite a long time on this activity, we could have spent longer if it had been a cooler day, the ice melted very quickly!!  Boris seemed to really engage with the activity and didn't mind his hands getting wet.  The activity ended because we got too hot sat outside in the sun. 
I have made another one using herbs from the herb garden, it should create an interesting sensory experience when smashed open.

 

If you have a toddler then I would recommend this activity, it is fun to do and clean, very little clear up and takes very little time to put together (excluding freezing time).
What have you been doing with your toddler recently?

Blackberry Picking

Last weekend my sister came to stay and we went to my allotment with Boris.  It was a beautiful sunny day and we decided to pick some blackberries because they were so bog and juice and sweet it would have been shameful not to!

I am sure that any parent of a toddler will agree that it it is so wonderful to have an extra pair of hands (and eyes) when you are out and about, it meant I didn't have to worry about Boris running off or eating something he shouldn't.  Really makes me wish my family lived nearer.

Boris really enjoyed picking the blackberries, some even made it into the bucket!  His little lips and fingers were purple by the end of the afternoon.

 

 

 

 

When we got home I stewed them with a couple of tablespoons of sugar and they became these (pear and blackberry drop scones):

125g self raising flour,
1/2 tsp cinnamon,
1/4 tsp ground nutmeg,
1 egg,
Milk (we used soya) to make a thick batter)
25g melted butter,
1 pear, stewed blackberries,
golden syrup, butter to taste.

Mix whisk together the flour spices egg and milk then add the melted butter, blob into a hot frying pan and springkle on chopped pear,  cook until little holes begin to appear on the surface then flip and cook on the other side for a couple of mins,
Serve with butter, golden syrup and stewed blackberries.  Yummy!

 

And these (blackberry sponge cake):

Weigh 2 eggs, whatever the weight of the two eggs is, weigh out the same amount of flour sugar and butter.

Cream together the butter and sugar, add the egg gradually then fold in sifted flour.  Pour into a lined baking tin and stir in some stewed blackberries (maybe two or three tablespoons) Cook at about 220 degrees for 20 mins.   Also yummy!

 

 Wishing you all a wonderful week.

This Weeks Menu

Last week we didn't stick rigidly to our menu.  We had friends over on Saturday which was a change of plan to what we were expecting so I had to do a quick top-up-shop to get enough in for them, then my sisters came to stay for the weekend and we visited Edenbridge Agricultural Show where we had a picnic, so there was quite a bit in the way of leftovers for lunches and dinners that followed. But having this menu isn't about being strict or restrictive, we are flexible with it and we make IT fit into our lives we don't make our lives fit into IT. I think that is quite an important distinction to make and one which flows through all aspects of our lives, I hope to talk more about routine in the future.
When I shared our menu with you last week I forgot to mention something that is quite important for our meal planning.  We have the sames meals each week!  I know that sounds really boring, there is  a little more to it than that.  We have the same basic food but made in different ways.  So for example on Sunday evening we always have a pasta meal, but that could be a pasta bake, a bolognese or a pasta and sauce dish etc.  It gives a bit of predictability to the week and makes meal planning and budgeting easier (I got the idea from reading Simplicity Parenting by Kim John Payne).  I don't intend on sticking rigidly to this week in week out, just like the meal plan, some weeks I will swap days around and I intend on altering it slightly with the changing seasons, but it gives me a basic template to follow.
Here is how the week looks at the moment:

Lunches:
Monday - Soup,
Tuesday - Egg,
Wednesday - Sandwiches,
Thursday - Soup,
Friday - Egg,
Saturday - Leftovers or Sandwiches,
Sunday - Fish.

Dinners:
Monday - Pizza,
Tuesday - Fish,
Wednesday - Jacket potatoes,
Thursday - Meat,
Friday - Takeaway or ready meal,
Saturday - Vegetarian dish,
Sunday - Pasta and Sauce

So here is this weeks menu:


Wednesday:
Lunch - Egg mayonnaise and tomato sandwiches,
Dinner - Jacket Potatoes with baked beans, cheese and home made coleslaw,

Thursday:
Lunch - Home made courgette soup with wholemeal toast and butter,
Dinner - Chicken with Salad, home made coleslaw and potato salad,

Friday:
Lunch - Eggy bread with home made coleslaw, chutney and cheese,
Dinner - Takeaway,

Saturday:
Lunch - Plough mans lunch with ham, cheese, chutney, salad, coleslaw and bread,
Dinner - Veggie Quorn chunk wraps with salad,

Sunday:
Lunch - Fish finger sandwich on wholemeal bread with ketchup,
Dinner - Pasta and home made tomato sauce with artichoke hearts,

Monday:
Lunch - Courgette soup with wholemeal bread and butter,
Dinner - Pizza with bacon, mushrooms, onion and cheese,

Tuesday:
Lunch - Egg mayonnaise sandwiches with tomato,
Dinner - Home made salmon fish cakes with rice and salad,

 This weeks Courgette soup

What do you have planned for meals this week?  Do you do a meal plan?

Eating at the Dinner Table

Eating at the Dinner Table is something most families do right?  They sit together and chat about their day and they plan for the rest of the week.  They get things off their chests, talk about their worries, have a laugh and enjoy good food in the company of each other.
Well until recently my family weren't doing this, we were eating in front of the TV with our meals on our laps and Boris sat in splendid isolation in the highchair, strategically angled away from the TV in the vain hope that he might not watch it, when in reality he was straining his neck to get a better look!
For ages I had been planning on sorting out the dining table which had been pushed against the wall and predominantly used as a desk for my husbands computer and a space for clutter to accumulate, but I never could quite muster up the motivation to clear it of all the detritus and pull it out.  Until a few weeks ago that is, when Boris was asleep and I had a rare moment of energy to sort out the mess and get the table out.  We have been eating at it for nearly every meal ever since and it is so much better.
My husband and I actually have conversations! (I know, shocking!)  It was tricky at first, if I am honest the first few meals involved a bit of bickering, some awkward feeling silent moments, but we are getting used to talking and eating together now and the conversations are flowing. 
I am also finding that we are watching far less TV.  Often the TV would go on a every single meal but now we are eating at the table it doesn't go on at all during the day.  Yes, we are eating Breakfast, lunch AND dinner at the table.  I actually find it really relaxing and often read a book if it is just me and Boris, the lack of noise pollution that emanates from the box is very calming and helps me to think straighter. It must be beneficial for Boris too, to see us eating and talking together, he will learn about how people communicate, eat politely and he will also benefit from the peace to allow his inner voice to speak.  Actually his outer voice has become quite entertaining around dinner times now too, especially since his highchair is next to the mirror, he has lots of conversations with himself as well as us! 
At first I found it really strange not having the TV on when I was eating, it felt like there was something missing, or that I was missing out on something.  I almost felt like I wasn't enjoying my food as much without being visually entertained, but that feeling has gone and I really do relish the peace and chance to connect with my husband and little boy.
There are also the health benefits that come with eating at a table.  We are much more aware of what we are putting into our mouths and in theory should be eating less as we are more able to concentrate on what we are doing.  There is also the digestive benefits in sitting at a table instead of hunched over on a squashy sofa.
Then there are the myriad psychological benefits from watching less television from a reduction in stress levels to greater sense of self-esteem.  (Read Remotely Controlled by Aric Sigman for more on the benefits of not watching TV)
So the move from sofa to table was, all-in-all a good move and something I am now totally used to. I hope we contine this good habit for many many years to come as we watch our family grow.  I look forward to all the conversations we will have round a table, the laughs we will share and the connections we will make with each other.
Do you eat at a dinner table?  What do you love most about it?

Fun things to do with Toddlers - Playing with Lentils

Some time ago I accidentally spilt a pack of lentils on the kitchen floor, Boris came in and had a wonderful time playing in them.  He picked them up and dropped them, swished them around and even "swam" in them!!  He loved it and we only had to end the activity because he started scooping up lentils into his mouth.  They aren't poisonous like some uncooked legumes but I couldn't imagine it being great for his little tummy.
So a few days ago when Boris was really restless and couldn't find anything to really hold his interest, I spread out the mat and poured some lentils into a bowl.  I got some metal measuring cups out and let Boris go wild.
He really enjoyed them again, scooping the lentils from one cup to another, spreading them around, running his fingers through them, stirring them, pouring them, sprinkling them through his fingers, throwing them about.  I didn't mind that the lentils went EVERYWHERE because he was so engaged with the activity.  It came to an end when he took a scoop full of lentils outside and....started eating them.

We played together with the lentils for a good 20 minutes and Boris even had a bit of fun banging to cups together and watching himself do it in the mirror.  It did take a long time to clear them up after, and there was substantially less in the pack after I had to hoover a load up that had breached the perimeter of the mat!  They got everywhere, stuck to my feet and I even found one sitting on my fat pregnant tummy when I was undressing for bed! Made me chuckle to myself.  But it was definitely worth it because he had a great time and the activity somehow really soothed him; enough for him to be able to entertain himself for some time afterwards. A highly recommended activity which I think has further potential as Boris gets older, in terms of weighing and measuring, and in craft activities.

What I am currently (re) reading - Remotely Controlled by Aric Sigman

I think this might be the third of forth time I have read this book.  The book is about how watching TV could be, no, IS damaging our health and our lives.  I am reading it again because I often find myself slipping back into old habits of coming home and immediately putting the TV on as a default form of entertainment.  When I read through the facts, research and studies on the effects of television on the body and mind it makes me re-address what I am doing and work harder at resisting the temptation to put the TV on yet again.
Another reason I am re-reading this book is because of Boris, (not his real name) my one-and-a-half year old son.  This is the first time I have read the book since he was born and I had been putting the TV on during breakfast, lunch and dinner as a habit.  Remembering how damaging this can be has helped me get us eating at the dinner table and interacting more, rather than sitting in silence staring at a box.  And more importantly resisting the urge to use TV as an cheap and easy babysitter when there are things that I want to do for myself.

 

If you like being outraged then this is definitely a book for you, there are lots of shocking statistics and information to make you angry about television producers, advertisers and the government, and what makes it a really good read is that you can feel empowered at the end of it because all you have to do in protest is turn off the TV! 

Here are a few of the shocking facts that Sigman includes:

 We spend on average four hours a day doing nothing but watching television - that's more than one full 24-hour day a week.  By the age of 75, most of us will have spent more than 12-and-a-half years of 24 hour days doing nothing but watching pure television.

Children who watch television at ages one and three have a significantly increased risk of developing such attentional problems [ADHD] by the time they are seven.  For every hour of television a child watches per day, there is a nine per cent increase in attentional damage. 

The more TV children view, the more likely they are to be overweight.  Reduction in TV viewing constitutes the single most effective way for children to lose weight. 

A study on suicidal behaviour and "self-harm" at the Warneford Hospital, Oxford recently found that children learn about the act of suicide and form concepts surrounding it following exposure to television.

I could go on for ages because there are so many fascinating facts that simply blow the "everything in moderation" view out of the water.  I highly recommend this book if you want to get more free time for yourself and your children and be a healthier, happier person!  What have you got to lose? Actually you don't need to read the book, just turn off the TV!

What are you reading right now?  Have you read "Remotely Controlled"? What did you think of it?

Body Painting

My plan for this post was to showcase some fabulous pictures of my sons hands, feet, tummy etc covered in paint, a mat with paint smeared all over it and some prints with beautiful painty patterns on them.  However, as with most things toddler related, things didn't quite go to plan, here is what happened:
A few weeks ago I have a fantastic idea that I would get the mat out that we normally put under Boris' highchair for mealtimes and put it in the garden and squirt some paint onto it and Boris would smear the paint all around and roll in it and generally have a wonderful, crazy, painty time and I would take beautiful prints from the patterns he created on the mat.
However...it didn't quite go to plan, basically Boris was really not particularly interested in smearing he paint around, he didn't really want to touch it much at all.  I gave him a brush which he used a little, but I can honestly say he spend about 30 seconds on the mat actually playing with the paint, very disappointing as it took be about 45 minutes to wipe it all up and remove the grass and moss stuck to the back of the mat! And then I had to clean him up because somehow, even though he hardly seemed to touch the paint, he ended up with it all over him.

I am hoping it is because he is still small and didn't really know what to do and/or was a bit frightened.
 I did manage a couple of snaps though for the short amount of time when he was engaged with the paint.

Might work with your kids though, perhaps if they are a bit older?  Have you tried this with your toddler?  How did they react?  Did you get some better results than me?