What I am Currently Reading - Unconditional Parenting by Alfie Kohn

This is a fantastic book which turns everything you thought you knew about behaviour managements and discipline on it's head.
It advocated reasoning, love and persuasion as means of working with your children is preference to rewards and punishments, including time-outs and praise. Our society is so used to using these sorts of behaviour management techniques without question thanks to TV programmes such as Super Nanny, that any alternative seems hard to imagine but Kohn puts forward very persuasive arguments in favour of a different approach to working with children which is far more loving, nurturing and caring than the traditional techniques. 
I think there are a lot of misconceptions about this book going round such as that children are allowed to just get away with anything and aren't given any guidance as to how to behave, but it isn't like this it all, it really needs to be read to be fully understood and I think if you do read it you would find it very hard to fall back on the old techniques that are so frequently peddles by "behaviour specialists". 
The only negatives I can say about this book are that it is quite a hard, challenging read, it requires quite a bit of concentration to understand and would probably take several reads for all the information to truly sink in (this is the second time I have read it, although the first time I didn't manage to finish it)  The other thing I didn't like about this book was a small section which had a bit of a Bible bashing feel.  Kohn argues that an authoritarian approach to discipline has it's roots in certain religious belief systems, citing old testament fire and brimstone as proof of conditional love from God.  However I would argue that the Bible is filled with evidence that God loves us unconditionally because of what he did for us through Jesus, I would also argue that Christianity doesn't assume we are innately bad (as Kohn suggests) which is why we need saving and why we must be taught to behave, but that we are innately good but have gone astray.  This is obviously an extremely simplistic explanation which requires much much more that I can write in this book review (if you are interested read Velvet Elvis by Rob Bell), but ultimately I think that in spite of this small section, Unconditional Parenting is still an excellent and extremely useful read.

When I began reading I was furiously underlining sections with a pencil for future reference, but fell behind when I didn't have a pencil handy, so here are a few quotes,, but they are mostly from the beginning of the book:

"What counts is not just that we believe we love [our children] unconditionally, but that they feel loved in that way.

"This approach (unconditional parenting)  offers a vote of confidence in children, a challenge to the assumption that they'll derive the wrong lesson from affection, or that they'd always want to act badly if they thought they could get away with it.

"That's an argument not for more discipline, but for grown-ups to spend more time with kids, to give them more guidance, and to treat them with more respect."

"On balance, the kids who do what they're told are likely to be those whose parents don't rely on power and instead have developed a warm and secure relationship with them. They have parents who treat them with respect, minimise the use of control, and make a point of offering reasons and explanations for what they ask."

An extremely good book for anyone who is interested in gentle parenting, gently discipline and building a strong, respectful relationship with their children.

Autumn is here!

Well not officially, but when I stepped out of the house this morning I could feel it.  The air had a slight nip to it and there was condensation on the cars.  I could smell it too, which is hard to describe but there was definitely a freshness to the air, combined with a mustiness (can those two go together?)  There are yellow leaves on the tree in front of my house now and a few have begun to drop leaving their delicious crunchy carpet behind for us to enjoy

As the day wore on I felt like it might have been the last day of summer, it got really hot and I felt like I should really relish it.  There are other things I need to relish at the start of this season, such as time alone with my son, as the season changes the days of being alone with him are quickly coming to an end because by the end of the Autumn, all being well he will have a baby brother or sister. 

The impending childbirth adds to a mixed feeling about the season.  On the one hand there is so much to love about it, the falling leaves, pumpkin pie, bonfire night, planting onions, but there is a worrying aura hanging in the air fir me when I think about giving birth again, it is a bit like the feeling of waiting for my own execution, I didn't have a very enjoyable birth experience with my son and am currently working on overcoming my negative feelings about childbirth, but it is taking a long time.

 
Another thing that I am reflecting on today is that pupils went back to school for their first day after the holidays, and a few years ago I would have been doing the same thing as a Secondary Art and Design teacher.  I loved the excitement of a new term, I really loved planning and fantasizing about all the wonderful displays that the work would create, imagining the kids getting all excited and not to mention the best thing of all about starting a new school year....new stationary!!, and in this sense I am feeling a sense of loss. 

However the reality never quite matched the fantasy, the lesson planning sometimes fell through, some kids hated the projects and the fresh new stationary was soon messy and creased, so in this way I am hugely relieved and thankful that I am not having to go to work and can spend my time with my husband and little boy, relishing these last few warm days of the year. 

So it is a season of changes in nature and in life, a season which holds contrasting colours as well as contrasting feelings. Lets see what it holds...

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - Playing with ice

 A few weeks ago when the weather was really hot I thought I would freeze some objects in water in a Tupperware container with the idea that Boris could smash it open and dig all the bits out (I had seen something similar in Pinterest).  I forgot all about it then one sunny day last week when we had nothing in particular to do it popped into my head and I retrieved it from the depths of the freezer.
I thought I would share it with you today as those hot sunny days are rapidly coming to an end and there might not be many more chances to do an activity like this. 
In this tub I froze some sticks, feathers, pebbles, seeds, sand flowers and leaves.

At first he enjoyed scratching the ice crystals that had formed on the lid and on the surface of the ice:

He had a taste of it too,

The ice looked really beautiful filled with the different objects and you could see all the marks created during the formation of the ice inside.

Boris got frustrated because he wanted to get to the pebble straight away but couldn't,

We smashed it with a mallet, I held the handle but Boris had his hand on it too so he could feel involved,

 

I showed him how to lift up the pieces of broken ice to get to the objects inside,

He enjoyed throwing bits of ice on the ground and making it smash into smaller pieces,

One stick had a piece of ice stuck to the end, Boris licked it like a lolly pop!

He used another stick as a tool to push round and poke the broken pieces of ice,

 

In this activity Boris learnt a lot about the qualities of ice; that is is cold, wet, disappears over time and turns into water, is hard but breaks easily (brittle), you can see through it, it melts in your mouth, he learnt he could smash it with a heavy object or by throwing it,and that it was slippery and could be pushed around easily.  We spent quite a long time on this activity, we could have spent longer if it had been a cooler day, the ice melted very quickly!!  Boris seemed to really engage with the activity and didn't mind his hands getting wet.  The activity ended because we got too hot sat outside in the sun. 
I have made another one using herbs from the herb garden, it should create an interesting sensory experience when smashed open.

 

If you have a toddler then I would recommend this activity, it is fun to do and clean, very little clear up and takes very little time to put together (excluding freezing time).
What have you been doing with your toddler recently?