Faith Story

I am about to share with you a story about an experience that happened to me several years ago.  God gave me a picture of something he said would happen.  When it seemed like the thing wasn't going to happen I cried out to God and said to Him that if the picture came true then I would tell people about it, not as a bargaining tool, but as a way of thanksgiving and to glorify Him. It happened, so here I am telling you!  

There have been many occasions over the last few years where I have thought I didn't really need to share the story, that it was no longer relevant, that God had forgotten about it, but surprise surprise, God doesn't forget and he has been nagging on at me ever since.  SI shared the story in church this morning and now I am sharing it with you:

In September 2010 my husband and I began trying for a baby, sometime after we began trying I was sitting in my parents living room, on their sofa and suddenly received an image of me sitting in the same place, but looking about 7 months pregnant, it was Christmas I felt like the image was from God because it was so vivid and real feeling. 

After about 6 months of trying for a baby nothing was happening, and I also wasn't having any periods, so went to the doctors and was diagnosed with polycystic ovaries, meaning I wasn't ovulating so couldn't get pregnant.  I began a course of treatment, but nothing seemed to be happening, about 2 months later I saw the doctor again and asked how long I should expect to wait before it started working, he said several months, so I felt I was in for the long haul, I had moments of despair when I thought I was never going to have a baby and started looking into adoption, around this time I also read a Bible verse that spoke to me, it was from 2 Samuel 7:11-12 and read:

The Lord declares to you that the LORD himself will establish a house for you : When your days are over and you rest with your fathers, I will raise up your offspring to succeed you, who will come from your own body, and I will establish his kingdom.

This Bible verse and reminding myself of the image of myself pregnant,( although I didn’t know if that was the near future, or many years down the line),reassured me that one day I would be pregnant. 

Throughout this time, my church home group were in on what was going on and I received a lot of prayer from them, I remember one day particularly stood in the super market car park after a church session and two of the girls placed their hands on me and prayed for me.  About 6 weeks later I found out I was pregnant, about 6 weeks pregnant! I hadn't had a period for 5 months.  I was of course absolutely thrilled and felt so thankful to God that I was pregnant and he had been faithful to the image he sent me.

When I was 12 weeks pregnant, the day before I was due to have my 12 week scan I had a massive bleed, I thought I was losing my baby.  I couldn't believe it, I cried out to God, I was devastated, we called the doctor but he said I wasn't having a miscarriage because I wasn't in pain, but that didn't mean I wasn't going to have one, and that it could take 3 weeks.  God amazingly gave me the strength to accept that I might be losing the baby, and to be able to give my situation to him totally, I didn't feel like I had been let down, or that the image wasn't from God, I felt like maybe it wasn't this pregnancy, maybe it wasn't this baby, but that God was faithful and I would one day have a baby, I just prayed that if I was going to lose it, then please let it be quick.  I felt a real and strange sense of peace although was obviously still very upset.  It wasn't my own ability to be faithful in God that made me able to feel like this, God gave me the faith I needed.

Thankfully a scan at the hospital confirmed that the baby was still there and I was so happy and thankful to God.   I had two further bleeds after this one, but God gave me the strength to continue to be faithful to him and to trust in him. 

Sometime later I sat on my parents sofa, 7 months pregnant, living the image God had given me.

So what I learnt from this experience is that there is no amount of effort that you can put in to get the confidence and faith you need in God, it is God that gives you the faith and strength you need to trust Him. 

Fun Things to do With Toddlers - Play Dough Gardens

Got a pile of playdough going hard, crystalised and smelly in a tupperwear box somewhere?  Fear not, you need not throw it out, you can give it a second life as a play dough garden.
This was such a quick, fun and easy activity, great for enjoying the last of the warm weather.

We spent sometime gathering bits of plants from the garden; well I cut and gathered and Boris just cut and let the bits drop on the floor, but never mind, he tried.

I pre arranged the paper plates with play dough squashed onto it, then showed Boris what I had in mind just by poking some of the plant off cuts into one. 

He quickly got the idea and started making his own.

He worked fast and his plate was soon full with an array of greenery, which he invited me to sniff. 

He finished off his design by sprinkling sand over it which I felt was a delightful finishing touch.

Like a mini flour arrangement or work of art.  He even included a few stones and a pine cone in his assemblage. 

I Diverge

Do you remember how I recently read Divergent by Veronica Roth and how I felt I identified with the idea of being Divergent, especially the way I feel my way of thinking doesn't fit in with the norm, well I was sharing these thoughts with some members of my church at my small church group.  One of the members challenged me on this idea asking if I really was divergent, he gave some examples of ways in which I conform to society's norms such as being married and having children and owning and living in a house, he said that growing a few veggies on the allotment don't make me divergent.  I wasn't offended because I have known this man for several years, and in our group we are not afraid to challenge each other, but it did make me think, am I really divergent? Or do I just like the idea of it? After some deliberation in my mind I decided that, I am divergent, and do you know what, I wish everyone else was too!  I want to use this opportunity to explain why and how:

• Christianity - Of those in the UK who identify themselves as religious, Christianity is still the most common religion so in that sense I am not unusual, however only 15% of the population attend church at least once a month, so again I am in a minority in terms of actually practicing my faith by attending church (although admittedly I probably only manage that minimum figure).  Of course I think it would be great if everyone could experience the love of Jesus, and my Church family would be even bigger! 

• Breastfeeding - I still breastfeed my 29 month old in the morning and evening and exclusively breastfed my nearly 10 month old till he was 6 months old and still feed him on demand now. Nationally exclusive breastfeeding at 6 months is just 1%.  I think that puts me in the minority! I am passionate about breastfeeding and volunteer for a breastfeeding charity to help women who want to breastfeed.  Studies show that breastfed infants are less sick as adults, sick adults cost the NHS money so I am willing to hazard a guess that if everyone who wanted to breastfeed but was let down by a lack of support, had been given appropriate support enabling them to breastfeed, there would be a pretty substantial saving in health costs, and possibly an increase in happiness of mothers who wrongly feel it was their fault. 

• Full Time Mother - 66.5% of mothers work either part or full time so again I am in the minority, though only just.  But to put this figure into perspective for me personally, of my female friends who are mothers I only know of one who has not gone back to work or isn't currently planning on going back to work, so in my little world I feel very divergent in this sense, and there is definitely a societal expectation that I will be going back to work. Data indicates that 75% of new mothers would like to be able to stay home so if all mothers who wanted to stay home with their children could then that would mean an increase of 41.5% of mothers.  Possibly resulting in an increase in happiness for those mothers!

• Vegetarian - Only 2.5% of the population are vegetarians!  Need I say any more?  If everyone became vegetarian there would be an overall increase in the health of the population, a reduction in animal cruelty, a reduction in emissions, a saving of water, and a saving of the Amazon (the Amazon rainforest is being de-forested to make way for land to plant beans and grains to feed animals which are subsequently used as meat.) link

I could go on about the ways in which I am divergent from the norm in our society, I could mention things such as the way I try to live minimally and away from commercialism, the way I try to buy organic, unprocessed food, how I had a home birth, how we use cloth nappies and co-sleep, how we recycle our plastics and do you know what?   I do like being in a minority, it makes me feel a bit special and a bit different, I have always done things to make myself feel different, whether that has been wearing slightly alternative clothes, listening to different music or eating my placenta (love people's faces when I tell them that one!) but what I would really love is for everyone to be divergent, for everyone to think outside the box, question the norm, and try to find a better way to help each other and the planet.

It's much easier to just go along with the status quo and to live in our little bubbles. It's less challenging to our consciences.  It's easy to not be connected to other people, the earth or animals and I am as guilty as anyone else for sometimes not separating my paper and plastics properly, or using my car when I could have walked (I am imperfectly natural afterall) and the point of this post isn't to say "look how great I am" or "I am so perfect" or "everything would be just dandy if you did it my way".  I am not saying that I am perfect or that my way is perfect and right for everyone, and I am not saying that the ways that I am divergent make me better than anyone else, but what I am saying is lets all think more about why we make the choices we do, are they really the best choice for us? our children? the world? Or are we just choosing something because it's what everyone else does? For me that is what being Divergent is all about - thinking twice, not to be better than anyone else but to be better than the me I was yesterday, to make my world a better place for us all and for everyone who comes after us. I am not going to stop at these little ways in which I am different, I will, with God's help, always be trying to make myself a better version of me.

Do you Diverge?  Maybe you have chosen not to have children, maybe you live in a caravan or boat instead of a house, maybe you decided not to get married and these are the ways you diverge, and I salute you for that because you are thinking twice, you are thinking outside the box and I would love to hear more about it, because, you know, as much as I like to feel unique, it's nice to not feel alone sometimes.