Gentle Parenting Retreat 2017

Parenting is HARD!!!  I know I say that a lot but it's so true. It takes from every bit of you and can leave you feeling like a husk. I know I feel like this frequently, I get to the end of the day with a list of things I wanted to do for myself, some painting, journaling, scrapbooking, reading, but I end up too damn tired to do any of it.  This is  why self care is so so important.  

I think I talk about self care a lot and it is something I am still learning about but one thing I do know for sure is vital for mothers to take time for themselves not just every now and again but regularly. 

The gentle parenting approach can be particularly depleting (yet of course similarly rewarding but I will talk about that another day).  You give and give and give, trying so hard to be patient, to respond to our children kindly and respectfully to meet all their needs with love and peace and to always listen.  This doesn't leave much space for letting off steam ourselves, or leave us with much time to talk about our own needs (hello facebook).  This is self care. 

Self care can come in many different forms and is different for every mother.  For myself and a group of local mums last weekend, self care came in the form of a one day gentle parenting retreat. (I think most of those who attended would agree with me when I say we could have done with more than one day, but the blessing of young babies who still very much need us bodily, a weekend away will have to wait a few years).  

The retreat was held at the Renewal Centre in Swallowfield.  The Renewal Centre was originally set up to help alcoholics and runs support groups for alcoholics and the children of alcoholics.  The building itself is a converted barn and is completely beautiful.  It is a very calming, relaxing space where you feel cocooned and safe.  

We began the day with a little meet and greet as there were several mums there who didn't know everyone I handed out some hand made affirmations to get us all in a positive mood, then we moved through to the studio to begin the first of the two workshops. 

The first workshop was a art workshop which I ran.   I tutored the mums through creating beautifully covered journals in which they might celebrate their creativity and express their feelings as mothers.  It was a really relaxing and laid back workshop (perhaps a little too laid back as I over ran a little bit!!)  and the end results were a collection of incredibly beautiful and unique parenting journals.  I tried really hard this year to be less "teachery"  having come from a background of secondary school teaching it was a challenge for me to let the mums get on with their project without feeling like I needed to go round and critique each guests book.   I think I did better this year but there are still aspects I can work on such as being more attentive to each person there, checking they were able to keep up with the process.  

If I could change anything about the workshop it would have been to write out a list of each step of the process we were about to do.  I thought that I knew well enough in my mind the order of each step but because I hadn't written it down I missed a couple of bits and had to back track which interrupted the flow of the session.  I also would have liked to have done a complete run through of the activity to the clock so I would have known more accurately how long it would have taken.   I had done the project a couple of times at home, but in bits over a few evenings and weekends, it would have given me better insight into how it would run if I had been able to do so fully in advance.  However I felt like the mums could empathise with how difficult finding the time to do this sort of thing would be, and would hopefully forgive me for that and forgive the slightly scatty nature of some parts of the workshop. 

This year I provided the lunch so the mums could relax and focus on themselves even more than last year (where we brought packed lunches).  I thought is was a really great lunch which was entirely vegan and delicious.  

After lunch we moved upstairs to the loft for a mindfulness and self care workshop run by Tricia Wilkie  She helped us to understand about how our brains work in stressful situations and how we can cope better using mindfulness techniques.  We did a few guided meditations and discussed the importance of self care and how to introduce self care into our lives.  Unfortunately we over ran a little and had to wrap the session up a little more briskly than I would have liked, but all in all it was a very successful session and Tricia was very knowledgeable and tuned into what we as a group needed to discuss and hear about, allowing us time to discuss and go off track when we needed to. 

I was utterly exhausted after the retreat (ironic I know) and my body followed this up with a cold which I have suffered with for the last week (I think I had been running on adrenaline on the lead up to the retreat and when this dipped my body just shut down).  Now I am feeling much better and so ready to talk about and start implementing more self care into my life, as well as daily meditations, even if just for a couple of minutes.  

 

I am definitely going to be running another retreat at around the same time of year next year.  I have learnt a lot now I have run two such retreats and I am confident they are going to get better and better.  I am also keen to run an additional retreat in the summer with a focus on art and craft for the whole day. I am have really enjoyed teaching art to mums (so different to teenagers)  I love how different all the journals were compared to mine, they took creativity to the next level, beyond anything I could have imagined.  

I found the planning and executing of the retreat incredibly stressful, I so badly wanted it to run smoothly and for people to feel they had value for money and for them to enjoy the day and feel the rest and relaxation promised.  I think the level of stress I experienced far outweighed what was necessary for such a situation, therefore I m really going to work on managing my stress better (using mindfulness and meditation) so that next time I run a retreat I will be able to feel replenished after as well.  Having said that it was a really great way to challenge myself, to push myself and was an incredible learning experience so totally totally worth it. 

So I really just want to say thank you so much to all the wonderful mums who came to the retreat last weekend and gave so much of themselves to make the day really special. It wouldn't have happend without you ladies, thank you so much.

Still Pregnant

So I am currently waking up every morning, looking down at my bulging belly and feeling like it's groundhog day! How can I still be pregnant?!  In fairness, I am not yet 40 weeks, but Biscuit was born two weeks before his due date so I was fully expecting this little one to be here by now.
I am feeling pretty fed up, I am uncomfortable, have a lot of pain in my hips and lower abdomen and have awful indigestion!  Everything is a massive amount of effort from picking up a sock from the floor to getting the children in and out of the car and I am TIRED!!  My patience is wearing very thin and my feet have swelled up and look like giant marshmallows! Parenting two under 5's whilst 39 weeks pregnant is bloody hard work. Oh and it was my birthday on Tuesday and it was rubbish! I thought I would be cradling a new born baby in my arms, watching box sets, instead, I was parenting two pre-schoolers with cabin fever on the wettest day in weeks with a  trapped nerve in my hip. There were tears, mostly mine.

But I am not supposed to moan and complain am I?!  I am not supposed to say how fucking hard it is, because I brought it on myself.  I wanted a baby therefore I have to put up with the consequences.  Also I am a full-time-mother so should be over the moon about not having to go to work.  Oh and choosing to home educate...another "rod for my back".

So my own choices have made my life harder.  This is true, but does that mean I shouldn't get to moan about it from time to time?  No one would think badly of someone moaning about their PAID job, even though they chose that, so why do I feel I have to put up and shut up? And why is it so damn hard to ask for help?  It's my choice, why should I expect help?

I don't have an answer.

So that's the bad news,

but here is the wonderful news.  I have the most amazing friends.
They know who they are and I couldn't be more grateful for them.  They are the best listeners, they don't mind hearing me complain about how hard it all is, they don't jump in to say "well you should have done such-and-such" and "here is the obvious but totally impractical/unachievable/impossible solution to your problem", they don't ignore me altogether because I bring them down, or because my problems are too big for them, or because they think I don't deserve help, or because they are too busy, they are just there, present in my misery, holding my hand.

And do you know what else?  They OFFER help!  They don't wait for me to ask (hard), they go ahead and offer.  I don't always take it because that's hard too, especially when I know that they have their own children to look after, their own pregnancies, jobs, sick parents, etc etc, but the fact that they offer to help, and mean it, means the absolute world to me, it makes me feel so loved and cared for and seen.

Just today for example a pregnant friend (just a few weeks behind me) is looking after my two boys so I can have a rest.  A couple of weeks ago another friend paid for me to have an hour of reflexology, while she looked after my boys so I could relax and have some time to myself, another friend had us over for the morning so I could just sit whilst the children were being amused, another friend offered to baby sit for an evening, text messages to let me know I am being though of,  yet another friend text me today just to see how I am doing.  I could go on, telling you about the small and big acts of kindness I have received from my friends, it is so incredibly heart warming and I am so thankful, so incredibly grateful. It's something I will treasure forever.

So friends, thank you for your kindness, not given through some sense of obligation, or because you owe it to me or because you feel guilty, but because you are kind, wonderful people who see need and want to help. How amazing is that?

I hope you know how much I appreciate you all and how loved you have made me feel.

And one other thing whilst we are on the thank you's.  I am incredibly thankful that all the pain and discomfort I am experiencing will disappear almost the moment this baby is born, I will have my body back.  My heart goes out to those who through no fault of their own experience chronic pain, are morbidly obese or are suffering in any way with out an end in sight.

My Mother Blessing

Original water colour painting 5" x 8" available in my shop

Hello my lovelies, sorry I haven't blogged for a while, my brain is fried by this pregnancy and my two little ones, it hasn't been for a lack of trying to write, but the words just haven't flowed.  Lots has been happening and I will try and update on it all soon, I am feeling very inspired and creative at the moment, (which is deeply ironic considering the lack of time available to pursue my ideas), but I will share them with you soon.

My partially painted belly cast.

In the mean time, isn't this time of year wonderful?  Everything is just bursting into life, it really is a wonderful time of year to be pregnant and about to give birth.

I have about 3 weeks left of this pregnancy and trying to savor every moment.  It's easy to wish the time away, I am uncomfortable, sore, tired and I can't sneeze without peeing myself a bit!  But as I approach the end I am trying to record everything with as much joy as possible.  There is much to complain about but I don't want to look back and regret not making those memories.

Today I had the most wonderful mother blessing, organised by my lovely friend Vicki (visit her at her blog here) It was such a wonderful way to honor my pregnancy and I felt so special and loved.

We wrote down our fears about motherhood, I wrote my fears about childbirth and we went outside and burned them, my friends wrote beautiful birth affirmations for me and left messages for me to open after the baby is born. I was anointed with scented oil and Vicki read a beautiful poem, I had a beautiful henna mandala painted onto my tummy, and we enjoyed a delicious lunch together, it was a really special afternoon which I will treasure forever.

I was slightly skeptical about having a Mother Blessing before.  I had had a baby shower for my first pregnancy and didn't feel like I should be making a big deal about my third pregnancy, but I am so so glad I did, because pregnancy and childbirth is a sacred time that should be treasured, and I felt so supported by the wonderful women who came, all also full time mothers like me, and women I will be able to call upon if I need help during labor.  

So if you are pregnant and wondering if this is the sort of thing you would like to do, then I would say to go for it.  In fact do everything you can think of to treasure the memories of carrying life inside you, it's so precious and important. 

Best Friend Scrap Book Pages

Recently my best girlfriend turned 30, the day before I turned 31.  We have been friends since before I can remember and I am so thankful to have her in my life.
For her birthday her lovely husband came up with a brilliant idea to create a "This is Your Life" style scrap book containing photos and journalling with fun and happy memories from our life.  I couldn't wait to get started, especially because I don't get to do much craft these days because I have so little free time, what I do do is usually for other people.
In an ideal world I would have had photos of us as children but they are all at my parents house so the pages contained fairly recent photos.  
I used scrap booking papers from my stash, a few flower embellishments and some tags for journalling.